37 weeks...

Maggie needs to stay in till the 3rd.  Because her daddy's 30th birthday party is the 2nd.  :)

PJ is in his big boy bed and doing great.  His new room is a big hit, and I cannot believe my little guy is 18 months old already.  His personality is showing through more and more each day.  He's just amazing and wonderful.  He's sweet and loving, and he's a typical boy.  I think he's gonna be a good big brother.  I just hope he doesn't get too mad or jealous.

It's kind of surreal to think that any day now I can have another little newborn baby to care for.   It's different the second time around.    With PJ, I didn't know what it was like to be in labor, or get an epidural, or get checked, etc.  Now I know all that.  I don't know how or when it will happen (although I am hoping my water breaks again, preferably in the evening or night when we are both at home).  But I do know what to expect.

I am ready to fall in love again.

I'm a huge slacker.

Whoa.  Sorry peeps.  Lots of stuff being going on.

I'm 35 weeks pregnant -- well almost, on Saturday I will be -- 35 & 35.    I have less than 20 days of work since I have decided that October 7 is my last day no matter what.  I can SEE PJ's molars  He's sleeping in a big boy bed.  He loves it.

The big boy bed was seriously the best thing ever.  PJ has been waking up and refusing to go back in his crib for almost two months now.   Since he'd happily and quickly go back to sleep in my arms, on the couch, in our bed, on his Sesame Street sofa, I had a hunch it was the crib.  I mean, would you want to wake up because your foot got stuck in a slat, or you felt like you were in a cage?

His first night in it was Tuesday, and he went down easily.  Only took about 6 or 7 minutes before he was fast asleep.  He woke up once about 4:15, just due to his teeth -- he would not stop grabbing at his mouth, and I went and rubbed his back a bit and just laid with him for about 25 minutes, then back to sleep.

Last night, he STTN.   I had to wake him up (which I loathe, but at least it provides a super easy diaper change, since he is still half asleep).

All of this was much easier because we got carpeting in the kids' rooms, so if he did fall out, he'd fall onto soft carpet, instead of hardwood floor.  There are rails, so I doubt he'd fall off, more likely he'd just get out of bed. :)

All in all, big boy beds are the way to go.  :)

Miss Maggie is putting some pressure on my cervix, my bladder, kicking me in the ribs, all the good stuff.  I am so ready to meet her and get the hell out of here that I can hardly stand that I have another month.   But she can't come before October 2 - because that is her Daddy's 30th birthday party!

Much love to my happinesses.

If I don't have MY period, neither should my husband.

It's really amazing how men get their periods.  Yeah, they don't have to deal with the bleeding, and the cramps, and the bullshit, but all the other symptoms -- mood swings, crabbiness, irritability, FULL FORCE my friends.  And they NEVER admit it.  Actually, if you have a man who does admit, please let me know so I can shake his fucking hand.

If I knew then what I know now...

John and I have been together 5 years (yesterday, so I'm a day late, I'm 7 months pregnant, give me a break).   We've know each other for about 12. 

Now while seducing him with alcohol (Hahaha) 5 years ago, I knew he was 'the one', when we met 12 years ago, I would have LAUGHED IN YOUR FACE.  Why?  Because we didn't really like each other.  I thought he was standoffish, emotionless and not very warm.   He thought I was loud, obnoxious and hyper (gee...). 

This didn't last very long, as we became friends, then good friends, then best friends, and then WA LA!   There was no getting to know you phase or awkward phase in the love portion of our lives -- since we had already been friends for 7 years.   So even though we had just started dating, it felt like we'd been together forever.

Inspired by my dear friend Angie's blog post of today, a few things I wish I would have known before we got married (thanks lady).

1.  The fact that I got shit all over, walked all over, and didn't stand up for myself in my past relationship does NOT mean that I have to be extra brash with John.   He doesn't shit on me, walk all over me, or make me feel like I am worthless.   Unfortunately, even though I know all this, six years of this happening to you takes a big toll, and sometimes, I forget and it comes out, which is not fair.

2.  There's really no point in worrying about the shit that might happen.   John always worries about when we can do this, where the money is gonna come from for this, etc.  I used to be the same.  But I've learned that things, somehow always have a way of working themselves out.  Sometimes it takes A LONG TIME (ahem six years) for this to happen, but it does happen.    Everything really does happen for a reason.

3.  Having kids makes you love your husband even more than you ever thought possible.  There's something about seeing the man you love hold his baby for the first time.  Something about the look in his eyes, the tenderness of his touch, the complete and utter contentment in his face.  Something about knowing that you know EXACTLY how he feels.    Something about knowing that the love the two of you share created this perfect, wonderful little person who you love instantly and more than you can explain, and would die for in a second.

4.  Once you have your own family, your family becomes, well, less important.   My family is miniscule, John's is huge.  We love them.  But PJ's (and soon to be Maggie's) happiness, well-being, needs, etc., will always and forever take precedence over anything and everything going on with the family.  I think the family who haven't had young kids in awhile don't remember what this was like, or maybe they don't care.  And it's not as prevalent once your kids aren't babies any more (i.e., PJ is MUCH more flexible now), but when you have a little baby in arms, sorry Charlie.   Baby wins.

5.  Boys love their mama.  Girls love their dada.  Now, I know this is common knowledge, and I am not saying the reverse isn't true.  But when they're 3 and under, this is the preferred parent.  I have no experience with the girl part, just yet, but I guarantee it will be true.

My worst fear is about to be realized.

It's coming out.

It's dangerously close to the edge.

I can't even look in the mirror.

It's my belly button.  Ughhhh.....I have a terrible, terrible distaste for belly buttons.  Mine or anyone else's.   I don't like to touch them, have it touched, see someone else touch theirs, etc.  Mine never came out with PJ.  But this is dangerously close.  I don't think I'll be able to handle it.  It's almost level with the rest of my belly.  I am seriously about to start wearing a band aid over it so i don't have to see it, but then I'd have to get CLOSE to touching it. EW.  SO GROSSED OUT.

Maggie is on her way.

So it's official.   Maggie will be here in approximately 12 weeks.   I am sure she won't be early like her big brother -- not sure why, I just have this feeling.  So I am going to have a daughter.   It's so weird to say that.  Shifting gears seems weird.  For the past, well 19 months I've been in boy mode.  Boy clothes, boy toys, boy nicknames, boy, boy, boy.   Now I have to deal with a husband who's "reading up on guns" so in 16 years when "she has boys come over I'll be ready."  Sigh.

This is the hottest summer since 1995.  I am not making this up.  It's weather fact.   I knew it would be -- well not the hottest since 1995, persay, but fucking hot -- because I get to be pregnant for the ENTIRE SUMMER.  From the moment it starts to the moment it ends.   Everyone keeps saying how it will be nice because when Mags is BORN it will be cooler out.  Um, I am going to be in a HOSPITAL when she is born.  With AIR CONDITIONING.  I don't give a flying fuck if it is 110 degrees out the day she is born I am not delivering in a field.  So how does this HELP me?  It doesn't, so please just shut the fuck up.  And I am sure if by some ridiculous twist of fate there is a terrible storm and the power goes out everywhere else in the state of Illinois, all of the hospitals will STILL have power, thus STILL having air conditioning.

So anyway.   My little Maggaroo is coming.   I am predicting October 19.  I plan to stop working October 13 (that's a Wednesday, nice short week to end my stay). 

PJ is STILL in the throwing stage.  Which SUCKS.  He'll throw anything and everything, especially food, and it just SUCKS.  Because he cries when you put him in time out, and I am not entirely sure he has any idea why he's in time out, but so be it.  He's still fucking adorable, and can now get on and off the couch without any assistance whatsoever.  Which is kind of good, because I don't really have to worry about him falling OFF the couch anymore, but bad because I am sure eventually he's going to try climbing up the back of the couch.

Ahh, toddlers.

I love you my happiness.  Both of you. ;)

I am so ready.

To be done.  Not because of the pregnancy, because of work.  Going to and from work is so damn draining.   I am slowly walking, uncomfortable while I am here because my back/butt hurt and I have to sit a lot of the day, I am peeing constantly.   It would be so much better if I could just be at home and hanging out with PJ, because at least though that can be hard I am with my happiness and not in this fucking place.

I really really hope I find a new job right after I go back to work (I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but oh well).  I want to work in the burbs.  And drive.  And walk just a few steps from the car to the door and the door to the car and that is it.  I hate that I leave at 4:30 but I don't really get started on my way home till nearly 5.  Imagine if I left at 4:30 and actually started going home at 4:30!! Oh the gloriousness.

I just hate my job so much.  I hate everything about it.  It used to be not so bad, until they started nitpicking on every fucking little thing we do and catering to the attorneys when there is NOTHING else they need.   What about what staff needs?  What about making us just the slightest bit happy?
Oh well.  We took PJ to his first Sox game yesterday, and boy was it a good one.   15 runs!! 5 homers.   He slept for three of the five, but hey, it was nap time, it was hot, and he was having a very long day. My little guy.  We're also back on the waking up once a night and refusing to go back to sleep in our crib thing, which is frustrating, so hopefully we go back to STTN again soon -- usually we do after 1-2 weeks.  So let's hope it happens soon.

Hot.

It's hot outside.  And I am not above getting in PJ's kiddie pool with him.   I mean, it's 5 feet wide.   Sitting in 3 inches of water sometimes is just enough to cool off this pregnant mama.  Did I mention how much he loves the pool?  Seriously.  Splash, splash.  Fun.  Good times.  I can't wait to take him in a real pool.  I actually can't wait to live in a different house where we have our OWN pool, but that's a whole other thing.

My happiness is still amazing and so so smart.   He pushes things over to where he wants them, to climb on them.   He figured out that if he wants to get on the couch, and John puts his hand out, he can use his hand to step on to get himself on the couch.  He knows to point for what he wants now, and is closing to saying "more?" when he wants more of something.   It's amazing how much he's grown and developed and I cannot believe my baby boy is turning into a little man.

The toddler bed is on it's way, and we are going to start working on transforming the bedrooms, and pretty much our house, to accommodate a toddler and a baby.  PJ's gonna have a brand new room!  A new bed, dresser, table and chairs, some toy storage.   We're hoping to get the bedrooms carpeted too.  It's gonna be a cramped kitchen scenario, but we'll manage.  It could be worse.

It's really bullshit.

Two years ago on the 28th, I suffered a miscarriage.   I was about 5 weeks along.   I was devastated.   Heartbroken.  

A month later, I found out I was pregnant again.   I was cautiously ecstatic.   When I passed the "D-Day", I felt better.   When we saw the heartbeat, I felt even better.  And when we got to 12 weeks, I felt outstanding.  And 25 weeks later, my happiness was born.

The fact is, I wasn't alone.   One of my good friends had to have a D&C not long after I suffered my miscarriage.   Another 4 or 5 had suffered them on my message board where a great group of girls get together daily to talk.   Miscarriage is so fucking common it's fucking ridiculous.   Another friend didn't have a miscarriage but the baby stopped growing and she lost her child.  And you never realize how common it is till you look at a group of 16 women, and 5 of the 16 have had a miscarriage.  That's 1/3.  And the possibility that that number will go up.

But what I was NOT prepared for was the news I got yesterday.  One of my oldest, best friends in the world -- someone I don't see as often as I'd like, but still is like a sister to me -- was 20 weeks pregnant.  Just 5 short weeks behind me.  Her son and new baby were to be 14 months apart.    I was lucky.  When pregnant with PJ, I had a best friend 5 weeks ahead of me.  And this time, one 5 weeks behind.  Until yesterday.

She went into labor.  They couldn't stop it.  She had to deliver her 1.5 pound beautiful baby girl -- stillborn.   She had to go through all the pain, the emotion, the work of having a baby, simply to see her baby girl never take a breath.   I have no idea why.   All I know is that it is fucking heartbreaking.  And unfair.  And impossible to comprehend.  I suffered a loss.  But I didn't deliver a life.  I didn't feel a baby move inside of me only to have that baby's life end before it even began.  I cannot imagine her pain.  Her suffering.  Her heartache.   I can't imagine it at all.

And although she will still be so happy for me, I know she'll feel pain when she sees me.  Know that seeing me, talking to me, thinking about me, will be a constant reminder of the baby she lost.  Because that's how you feel.   And it's not my fault, or her fault, but it's such fucking bullshit that they haven't figured out a way to fix this god damned horrible fact of life.

I love you, Rita, with everything I have. 

So we are 95% sure that...

it's a girl.  My little one kept crossing and uncrossing (her) legs so there were times when Pete (our ultrasound guy) said it could pass for a scrotum, though he doubted it.   So I am getting another u/s on the 19th of July to confirm and get the picture.  But for now it's 95% Maggie Rose.  I must say, I was pretty shocked.  I was sure it was a boy!! I actually thought I would have all boys.

Anyway, our little guy is getting a couple new teeth, and boy these have been the worst of the bunch.  Will only sleep with us the past two nights and cries the second you put him in the crib!  It makes for some restless sleep, but hopefully tonight will be better.   It almost seems that he just likes the freeness of the bed -- I laid him down there before I laid down and he was perfectly fine, even without me laying down.  So maybe transitioning to a toddler bed will be easy!

La You!

I know, I know.  LOG, WTF is La You?

Well, this is how PJ, my happiness, the greatest part of my life, said LOVE YOU to me and John the other day -- Monday, June 14, 2010.  That's right.  It was only once, he had no idea what it meant, but it doesn't matter.  My little guy said La You and it was seriously the greatest thing I've ever heard.  He also gives kisses now, open mouth ones, but kisses nonetheless.

The unbelievable sense of love, pride, and happiness I get from being a mother is undescribable.  There is nothing a smile, hug, or kiss from PJ can't cure.  Everyday I am amazed at the things he has learned, the things he is determined to figure out, or the things he can do that are so seemless it's as if he knew how to do them all along.    I love feeling his little hand on my face, or his head buried into my shoulder.  I love when he walks around cracking up and laughing at whatever game we are playing.   I love watching him sleep, I love stroking his back gently when I need to wake him up, and watching him stretch in his bed before he opens his eyes and gives me a big smile. 

Some people say that those of us who think motherhood is great and don't admit that it's hard or not fun sometimes are just in denial.  Yes motherhood is hard.  It is hard everyday that I have to leave PJ at the sitter to go to work.  It is hard when he is sick or hurt and I can't fix it.  It is hard when I can't get anything done because PJ's having a clingy day.  But all of the amazing wonderful and great things that I get from being a mother outweigh these so much.  I am not in denial.   Motherhood isn't everything I thought it would be.  It's much, MUCH more.

Blackhawks have won the Stanley Cup!!!

My happiness only had to wait for 14 months of his life before he saw a Chicago championship.  Sure, he won't remember it, but still....

hopefully he'll have a Bears won to remember soon enough.

CONGRATULATIONS BLACKHAWKS!!!!

I got an award!

I feel like a huge loser with 9 blog followers (all of whom I PERSONALLY know) but my dear friend Her Momma (Finally Mom) nominated me for an award because I'm awesome...

Okay, it's because she feels sorry for me...

Okay, it's so I can get some more readers!! YAY!!

So here's my award:

And now I have to tell you 10 things about myself.  These are the rules, apparently.  Then I have to pass the award on to other bloggers (in the meantime, actually FOLLOWING the bloggers since I am bitching about not having ENOUGH followers, God, I am such a hypocrite).  Anyways, here goes.

1.  I am missing part of my right kidney.

2.  I have never had a one night stand.

3.  I had sex in a bathroom at a bar after I had PJ.  (With my husband, thank you very much).

4.  I love FOOTBALL.  Love it.  I am a die hard Bears fan and am seriously concerned I will be in the hospital on a Sunday during a bears game when Twig #2 decides to show up.

5.  I love chain restaurants.

6.  Part of me died when our dog Neo died.

7.  There is nothing in the world I want more than to be a SAHM.

8.  I have one friend who has been in my life constantly, without any lapse since I was 16.  I love her to pieces.

9.  I don't like ice cream, reality tv, or give a rat's ass about Heidi and Spencer or whatever the fuck.

10.  I love Conan O'Brien.

So there you have it.  And here are my nominees!!

Mrs Patterson at Memos from a Working Mom

Catootes at Catootes - There are No Secrets

That's all I got right now because I am a blog slacker.

But please follow me, because I am pretty kick ass.  And my son is fucking adorable.

Pictures!

I swear I am going to try and be better at this, but for now, here's a barrage of the latest!!

Climbing

PJ is a climber.  He will climb anything.  Furniture, chairs, shoes, toys, ANYTHING.  His latest thing is to push the stepstool over to the chair, couch, etc., and climb up it so he can up on the chair or couch.  Yesterday he used his drum to get on the glider.  This is gonna be fun.  He is so proud when he gets up there too.  Just sits there like a big boy.  

I love that he's more independent in the world of transportation.  I hated when people would be all "Oh you'll hate when he starts walking and getting into everything." Um.  STFU.  Do you know how much EASIER it is to have a child that is mobile on his own?   A child that can walk over to you, or come to you when you ask him to?  This is wonderful!   Plus it will be very helpful that he's independent when his little brother or sister (we're still leaning towards brother) comes to town.

I did the pee test.  Boy was that 24 hours of annoying.   But it's done, and I dropped off my pee in all its glory and got my blood taken and that's over.  So the next annoying thing is the glucose test, in 6 weeks or so.   But the next exciting thing is the ultrasound to find out once and for all if Twig has a twig.

Walking is fun

Full fledged walking.  Good times!! Of course, some crawling is mixed in, but we are a walker.  I love it.  I love that PJ can get where he needs to go without always having to be carried!! He was also very needy and wanting of mama this weekend, which is a little tiring, but also makes you feel like a million bucks.

My 20 week appointment went okay -- I have protein in my urine (again) which means i have to do a 24 hour urine test.  What is that you ask?  Let me tell you.  I have to pee in a hat that goes into the toilet, then pour the pee into a jug that goes into the fridge.  FOR 24 HOURS.  Yup.  Good times.  Then I bring my jug o pee to the lab where they will take my blood and test it.  Apparently, it's just so there's a baseline in case I end up having kidney issues later (and boy do I hope that doesn't happen since I've already BEEN there) but the doctor isn't concerned.  Blood pressure is great and baby's hb sounds great.  So that's all good stuff.

And....we find out if Twig has a twig on June 21.  Very excited for that.  Got our double stroller yesterday, which is a little surreal.  In 4.5 months we'll have enough babies to fill that stroller.

You're not cool unless you poop in the tub.

I've heard the stories.  My best friend Kristine's poop stories are legendary.  LEGENDARY.   But it hadn't happened to us.   That is, until last night.

We are in full swing daily bath season, because PJ being a typical boy, is filthy by the time the day is done.  Which is fine with me, because he's having fun, and really that is all that matters.  So the past two nights, before getting in the tub, my naked baby peed on me.  It's not the first time, it won't be the last time, but peed on me nonetheless.  So last night, when getting him ready for the bath, I said, "Don't pee on Mommy tonight!"  I should have known.

We get in the tub and all is well.  PJ's swimming around, playing, enjoying himself.  Suddenly, he stops swimming and just is sitting there on all fours.  I think nothing of it.  All of a sudden I look, and like the baby ruth floating in the water in Caddyshack, there's poop.  Two pieces. 

"OH MY GOD!! PJ!""  I yelled.  I grabbed him out of the water, and BURST out laughing.

John comes running in.  "What happened?"

"PJ pooped in the tub!"  Mind you this entire time, PJ is clutching his foam letter L (so nice, was that for Mommy buddy) and smiling.

I could. not. stop. laughing.  I laughed the entire time I got PJ dressed, the entire time I scooped the poop out of the tub, and the entire time I rinsed the tub down.  Luckily, it was not much poop and it didn't do much damage at all.

Ah motherhood.   You never think, "One day, I'm gonna be scooping shit out of my bathtub."

I love you PJ.

And if you are wondering, I got the poop out by putting a baggie on my hand and scooping it.  Good times.

Dude. It's fucking hot.

I am not complaining.   With hot weather, I get to take PJ outside, play in the sandbox, watch him have a blast in his water table, etc.  But I've never been PREGNANT in the hot.  See I got pregnant with PJ in July, so I wasn't even showing till late fall, so no issues there.  But dude.  IT IS HOT.  I am hot normally, but now, I am super hot.  And it's May.  And I know we are gonna have a hot summer, so...I guess I'll be playing with our frog sprinkler too.  And what better excuse to than to say I have to make sure PJ is safe?
PJ has been taking more steps by himself so I think he just needs  a little more confidence and he'll be well on his way to running around.  It will be nice to let him wander around without worrying about him hurting his poor little knees crawling on concrete.  I also want to get a couple outside toys that aren't so big like the sandbox and water table. 

This morning he woke up so adorable (as usual).  I heard him making noises so I went in there to find him rolling around and stretching.  When he saw me, instant smiling.  If that doesn't make you feel good, you have a fucking heart of stone.  I tell you.  He also looks too cute in his little sleeveless shirts and shorts.

We have a four day weekend this weekend because we took off Tuesday (one less paid day of maternity leave for me, but it's worth it) and we are super duper cleaning our house because it desperately needs it.   I am actually looking forward to it.  Of course, we will also be spending lots of time outside and going to Gram's for Memorial Day.  The season of going to Gram's a lot is upon us! 

I'm a little distracted today...

why?  because we're going to see CONAN tonight!! YES CONAN!!! I almost wish PJ could come with -- he loves Conan.  For real.  He would sit on my lap and just watch with us when we watched it.   I am sure it has something to do with him hearing Conan's voice the entire time he was in my belly.  And besides, Conan is AWESOME. 

Anyway, my happiness is amazing as always.  Taking a few steps here and there, walking like a champ when you hold his hand -- but drops immediately to the ground if you let go!! Those top teethers are visible, but have no desire to fully come in.  We went to the zoo on Sunday and he had a blast -- but I really think the best part was riding the carousel.  He was loving it!! He had so much fun as the kangaroo he was riding on moved up and down.    He also really liked the Bears (is he my son or what?) and was pointing at them and talking.  He zonked out after on the car ride home.  CUTEST.  Ever.

He's reached that clingy stage a bit -- where he wants to be held or be by me a lot - which I guess is normal for this age, but I don't mind.  I love hugs and kisses from my little guy!  This morning was especially adorable since I had to wake him up and he wasn't quite ready, so I lifted him out of the crib and he immediately put his head on my shoulder to sleep some more.

There is nothing like this feeling.   The feeling of your child so comfortable, so safe, so perfect in your arms, with his or her head on your shoulder.

Anyway, tonight is Coco and I cannot wait.  And PJ -- Mommy loves you more than anything.

As Brad Paisley says, "I thought I loved you then."

I hate teeth.

Seriously.  Teeth have turned my good sleeping, content little boy into a mess at about 1 a.m. when he wakes up screaming bloody murder and will not go back to sleep without me.  These teeth - I can SEE them.  They are RIGHT THERE.  COME OUT ALREADY.  This is ridiculous.  The poor guy.  It's also making his nose run, he's coughing, it's just ridiculous.  PJ and mommy want to sleep again.

Anyway, got some beautiful gerber daisies from my son for mother's day -- he's so thoughtful.  Also enjoyed an excellent dinner at Ruth's Chris, only the best restaurant ever.  All in all, I had a very lovely mother's day weekend.

We're coming up on 18 weeks here. Feeling flutters occasionally, not too often though.  Hoping I feel some kicks soon.  I think it will feel like we're progressing more once there are things like that happening.   I cannot wait for this little one to be here.    I cannot wait to see PJ be a big brother - as worried as I am that PJ will be sad that he has to share mommy, and as scared as I am about loving this little one as much as PJ.  I know that's just normal feelings.    I am trying to push them out of my head.

We are finally going to the zoo this weekend -- I think PJ is gonna have a blast.   He loves the dog, so I am sure he will love the zoo with all the other animals. 

I still think it's a boy.

16 week checkup went well.    Heartbeat is 155 bpm (and depending on what OWT you believe, that could be a boy OR a girl).   I've gained 10 total pounds so far, which I am pretty sure is less than I had gained with PJ at this point, but of course, now I'm chasing around a toddler.   Everything looks good.  Go back at 20 weeks but not for the ultrasound -- gotta wait till 24 weeks for that.  So we still have a good 7 weeks before we confirm my mommy intuition is right.

PJ is still scared to walk on his own, I've tried letting go of his hand and he just plops down.  But he does a great job when he's holding on!! So I am sure it will come soon.  Those teeth are finally peeking out a bit, and we're back to STTN so that is good. Although not sleeping as late, but that's all right.

As for inside baby, I feel a little movement - nothing big, no major kicks or anything, but stuff I notice now is the baby that with PJ I had no clue.  One of the perks of having been through this whole pregnancy thing before.  I am having trouble bending over already, which apparently, according to what I've read, is because since my uterus was already stretched out, the baby is already lower than before, so there you go.   Of course, PJ is luckily in the "it's fun to throw stuff and then I cry if Mommy doesn't pick it up stage" so that rocks the sure shot.

PIMPing.

And no, I am not talking about whoring out women.  I am talking about peeing in my pants.  Yes.   Unfortunately, one of my lasting (I fear permanent) side effects of having a baby is that if I sneeze, cough, or laugh too hard, a little pee comes out.  So I pee in my pants.  It's lots of fun.  It's especially fun when I already HAD to pee, so more comes out than it should, and I either have to change my panties, or try to blow dry them if I don't have opportunity to change my panties.

It's really lots of fun.  Really.   I guess I should of done Kegels, or whatever the fuck, but I was peeing enough as it WAS -- wasn't that enough use of those muscles to strengthen my shit up or whatever the fuck?  Seriously though.  

So I would say I probably PIMP on a daily basis, and it's especially fun on days where I forget to wear a pantyliner.

This has been a Public Service Announcement by LOG.

P.S.  Probably the only blog you'll see that talks about peeing in your pants.

Bye Bye!

PJ says bye bye now.  Not always when he should, not all the time.   But his toys say bye bye and yesterday he said bye bye back.  It is seriously adorable.   He also is getting even better with walking, and went up the stairs at least 5 times yesterday.  He loves climbing and stairs are one thing he actually can.

The top front teeth are taking their time (I can SEE the little fuckers, they just won't pop through) which isn't causing sleep issues (thankfully) but is causing eating issues.  Oh well.  He'll have two more teeth to add to the adorableness that is my happiness.

We also had a poopy explosion today -- while he was in the jumperoo.  So he was able to jump all around in the poop that got all over the floor.  Good times.

MESH PANTIES

What the hell are mesh panties, you might be saying?  Mesh panties are the greatest gift to a woman who has just had a vaginal birth.   Trust me, after you've been laboring and pushing for however long, that last thing you want it to put on some cute little Victoria's Secret bikinis.

The mesh panties are fantastic because they offer the space to put in the ice pack, tucks pads, and huge pillow pad (more on all of these in a later post).  And trust me, that ice pack is the best thing ever.   So when you are in the hospital, be sure to get lots and lots of mesh panties. Make sure you bring lots home.  Because there is nothing better than mesh panties.

Boys will be Boys

So PJ has bruises on his leg, the side of his eye, his head.  I don't worry though.  He's a BOY!  Boys do things like this and he never cries for more than a second, and I know he's having fun, and figuring out his world and learning.

He's also discovered his penis.  Yes that's right.  Every time the little weiner is exposed BAM!  Playing, pulling, tugging, CRACKING UP about it.  It's actually quite amusing.   The joy of playing with your penis starts young apparently.  He's also discovered he wants to play with the baby in the mirror (him).  He waves to himself, laughs.  It's really fucking adorable actually.

I'm 15 weeks pregnant.  I feel like this is taking FOREVER.  I have a doctor appointment on Thursday, and I feel like my last one was MONTHS ago.  I realize come October I am going to be saying how fast it went and all that jazz, but right now it is DRAGGING.  I feel flutters here and there, no major kicks or anything yet though.   I am really anxious to find out if it's a boy or girl (I think it's a boy, but still).  I feel like I can't really buy anything till we know -- which is dumb because most of what we need is stuff we'll get gender neutral anyway, except for clothes.  But I feel like if we buy it ahead of time it will be weird.  I really don't know why.

And now..

The Peri Bottle

I mentioned the peri bottle in an earlier post, but now I am going to give it rightful place in the things you will love after you give birth.
The peri bottle probably holds about 6-8 ounces of water and is squeezable with a top like a water bottle that you pop up to drink out of.  They will give this to you (or they should) immediately before you pee the first time after you give birth.  You will fill the bottle with warm (as warm as you can stand) water.   Then, after you pee, you will squirt the gloriousness of this warm water all over your vagina, lips, etc.  Because you want to clean any gunk off there (read:  blood) and make sure you don't get an infection because THAT would suck.

Use all the water.  Why not? It feels good, and you don't really want to be wiping at this time, no matter how angel soft your toliet paper might be.  Use it until you have stopped bleeding for a week, and until wiping doesn't sound like you might die if you do it. And keep it around -- you might never know what else it would be good for.

Spaghetti is a good morning snack.

At least it is when you are pregnant.  Because who's gonna tell you NOT to eat spaghetti at 10 a.m.?

PJ walked all the way from his room to the front door this morning (holding mama's hand, of course).   He's so close, he just needs to have a little more confidence in himself, I think.   He also loves strawberries (not sure how those two things are related, they probably are not).

I hate that lately I am consumed with HATING that I can't be home with him.  It's really bothering me lately, and I am not sure why it is bothering me SO MUCH so OFTEN.  It's always bothered me, but it's all I can think about while I am at work these few weeks.  Is it because it's nicer out?  Or because he's having so much fun playing now?  I don't know, but I do know that I hate it with a passion.  Damn women's lib.   I would be perfectly happy cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the kids while John made the money.   Guess we're gonna have to win that $252 million powerball.

I think, because it's all I can really do, is that after maternity leave is over, I am going to start looking for a job in the burbs.  In the Oak Brook/Downers Grove/Burr Ridge area.  I don't want a raise.  I want to be able to leave the house at 745 for a job that starts at 8:30, and be home by 5 for a job I get out of at 4:30.  I want to be able to leave at 3 p.m. and not wait for 30 minutes for a train, instead being home in 30 minutes.  I'd even be willing to take a small paycut if it meant no more commuting by train and waiting for bullshit.   I'd have to pay K&E back some tuition reimbursement most likely, but not too much.  We'd figure it out.  I might actually not apply for any more after this quarter so the amount I have to pay back would be minimal -- only like $1000.  Which sucks, but would be worth it to be gone from 745 to 5 instead of 7 to 530.

Today's edition of what happens after the baby comes out.

The first time you pee.
Okay, so my only experience with this is after having an epidural.    You won't really be able to stand/walk on your own.   So hopefully your husband will help you to the bathroom, which is hopefully not that far away.  The nurse will most likely have handed him a peri bottle  (a small bottle that you fill with warm water with a squirty top -- remember this, it will become your new love) filled with hot water, a huge pad, and some -- wait for it -- mesh panties (more on that stuff later, this is strictly about peeing).

When you go to sit down to pee, you will be instructed to take the bottle and squirt it all over your vagina, the lips, etc -- don't TOUCH it, just squirt.  It will feel WONDERFUL.  Maybe even a little orgasmic. Don't wipe.  The water is enough.  You don't want to wipe.   What you need to be ready for though, is what you will see (and what your husband will see) when you stand up.

There's going to be A LOT of blood in that toilet.  A LOT.  Like  I-just-killed-a-small-animal-over-the-toilet amount of blood.  This is TOTALLY normal.  Don't freak out.  Your after peeing toilet bowl is going to look like this for AWHILE.  Some will probably drip down your leg.  Have your husband  wipe this up for you.  He just saw you give birth, he can handle this.

We sort of took a step.

PJ's been getting a little more secure in standing on his own - he stood several times yesterday for a decent amount of time, and he even tried to take a couple steps towards me!  YAY!! I think he'll be full out walking in a few weeks or so.  I can't wait.  We were at Wildfire yesterday and he wanted to walk so I took his hand and we walked around the lobby while he yelled things and smiled at people.

He was also enamored with the little babies at the G2G on Saturday.   He just looks at them -- like HEY!  You're SMALLER than me! 

My little happiness also slept till 8 both days this weekend -- of course Saturday, I woke up at 7 and didn't go back to sleep because I figured he'd wake up any second and I'd have to get up so what was the point.  But it was cute laying there and cuddling with him in our bed since John went to golf.  Last night he woke up a few times though, not like the normal STTN he's been doing.  Not sure what the problem was.  But then I had to go wake him up this morning which I hate doing, even though he is all smiley and cuddling and so happy to see his mama.

I am 14 weeks pregnant.  Feeling some flutters on occasion, which when I was pregnant with PJ I chalked up to gas, but that's how you learn.  I am excited to feel real kicks.  My naked belly also looks "pregnancy shaped" although to people it probably is still questionable.  I've had some people give me the "look" about the wondering if I'm pregnant. Sometimes it's funny to just let them wonder.

And today's installment of what happens after the baby comes out.

Stitches

So although you dialate to 10 cm (which, let's face it, is this much): ___________________________________________

you still might need a little help to push your little happiness out.  So you might tear.  Now DON'T FREAK OUT because you will NOT feel this.   You'll have know idea when, or if this happens, till after your baby is here and out and they say we have to stitch you up.  Some of you might have heard of an episiotomy, which is where you actually get cut, with scissors.  This is very uncommon nowadays.  Most doctors don't do it because it isn't necessary.

Okay, so if you tear, you'll need to be sewn up like the Thanksgiving turkey after you stuff it (nice visual).  Again, you won't feel this, because they numb the area.   However, if you don't want to SEE the stitching, I suggest you do not look forward.  Look to the right, left, close your eyes, whatever.  There's something a little unnerving about seeing a long piece of string coming up from your vajayjay.

Anyway, not painful, not a big deal, and the stitches disslove. And if you are lucky, you'll have a joker husband like mine that tells you, "I asked the doc to put a couple extra in there.  You know.  To make it tighter."

Nice work, honey.

This has nothing to do with babies.

But occasionally, one of these posts is gonna come up.

So my wonderful (and I mean that these days, because as weird/annoying/odd as she was when all the shit was going on, now she truly is wonderful) MIL wanted to go with her boyfriend, me and Johnny over to my parents so they could meet Ken (her BF) and she could see my mom, because they get along well.   We planned it for next weekend, the 25th.

So my mom calls me today and says she wants to do it in May.   I say, well, that's gonna be difficult because MIL and BF go to their lakehouse and I know they are going the first weekend in May, the next weekend is Mother's Day, the weekend after that we have stuff going on, etc...why do you want to wait till May?  She says because she wants to be outside.  Um....okay, it might be nice outside.  But the table is not out there.  I don't get it.   I tell her May won't work, and we'll probably have to wait till June.  Oh that's fine she says.  And then.

She starts crying.  For those of you who don't know, a symptom of ALS is the inability to control your emotions, which means crying/laughing for no reason.   Even though I know this, I can't help but feel like I made her start crying when she starts while talking to me.  And then she cries, and tries to speak, and forgive me for using this word, and she sounds retarded.  And I can't stand it.   So I tell her to stop crying, and she can't, so she says she'll call me back.

She does.  She says she's sorry, I say it's fine. She says we'll do it in June, I say fine.  Even though, to me, it's not fine.

And then I find out that other people are going over to her house to visit her next weekend.  That's okay?? They don't have to be outside?? WHAT THE FUCK.

My MIL doesn't have to go over there.   But she wants to.  And she has been an unbelievable support to me and I am pissed off that for some reason, other people can go see my mom and be inside or whatever the fuck but my MIL cannot.   And I am pissed and there is nothing I can do about it.  Just like there was nothing I can do about the fact that they showed up 90 minutes LATE for PJ's birthday party, and then proceeded to leave 90 minutes later.   I know things take longer nowadays, but you KNOW what time it starts. And they had the cake.

Sigh.  I'm so fucking tired of all of this.

Well hello there, 2nd Trimester

So I am officially in the second trimester today.  Or yesterday.  Or whatever.  I'm over 13 weeks, so there you go.

This is the slow, boring part of the pregnancy.  I feel better, but I'm still tired, and I still get nauseous and that OMG IF I DON'T EAT IN THE NEXT FOUR SECONDS I AM GOING TO DIE feeling.  But this is pretty uneventful.  I feel some flutters, but no real movement.   Nothing exciting at the next appt -- hear the heartbeat again, which is super cool, but we'll hear it at every appointment here on out.   So we are in the boring part of pregnancy.

PJ has started to walk just holding on to one hand now.  He usually starts cracking up and ends up falling down, but we're getting there.  I think he'll be walking on his own in the next month or so.   He crawled pretty late, and since he's so good at that now he probably is just taking a bit longer.  I'm okay with that.

My good friend Rita, who has a 7 month old, is pregnant again.  She's due November 20, so she's about 5 weeks behind me.  She's a little freaked out (her little ones will be 14 months apart) but I know she'll be able to handle it.   Her older brothers are 15 months apart and she and her middle bro are 18 months apart.   So I guess she's following in mama's footsteps. :)

I've decided in each blog post, I'm gonna post something that's going to go in my "What happens after labor is over" book.  Today's topic:  Afterbirth.

Afterbirth is pretty much all the shit (literally and figuratively) that is still inside after your beautiful bundle of happiness is out.   Before they stitch you up (we'll talk about that later), a nurse will pretty much straddle you and push down on your "I had a baby in there about two minutes ago and it's stretched out to proportions I didn't know possible" uterus to get it all out.   It's painful -- not excruciating, not terrible, but your abdomen feels like someone is dropping a car on it.    It's important that this all comes out though. 

This might be a good time for your husband to go see the baby in the nursery.  John was a trooper during the entire birth, and was not grossed out.  But even he, upon hearing what was coming, kissed my forehead, and said "I'm gonna go see PJ, babe."

21 pounds, 3 ounces!

PJ is 21 pounds, 3 ounces!! I am so excited.   I wanted him to be at least 20 pounds by the time he was one year, and he surpassed that.   He was such a good boy at the doctor.   Only cried a bit when he got his shots and then went home and went right to bed.  

It's a beautiful day!

Heard little twig's heartbeat on Saturday.  Nice and strong.  I've only gained one pound so far, chasing around PJ probably has a little something something to do with that.   I got to stay home with my little guy on Friday and it was a gorgeous day.  We ran some errands, played outside.   It makes me want to be a SAHM even more when I have days like that with him.  When all of us are home, it just feels like a day we are all home.  But when it's just  me and PJ, I just think about how awesome it would be for this to be how it was EVERY day.  What can you do?   Hopefully we win the lottery or SOMETHING.

Yesterday was Easter and PJ was a good by at his Great-Grandma's as usual.   He wore his cute little polo and khakis and was just adorable, as usual.  He's also taken to reaching for the door knob when he wakes up like he is trying to open the door.  You know in case the yells of MA! DA!  aren't loud enough for us to hear on the monitor.

I'm pretty much strictly in maternity clothes now.  I have one pair of regular jeans that still fits, and my shirts fit, but most are too short.  So why wait?  Just wear the damn comfy clothes, that's what they are for right?

Survey -- 11 weeks tomorrow

How far along? 10 weeks, 6 days

How big is baby? Size of a lime, 1.2 inches

Total Weight Gain/Loss:  Not sure -- nothing as of my last appointment.

Next Appointment:  Next Saturday

Maternity Clothes:  I need to bust them out.  Wore a couple shirts already, but the work pants are getting tight.   You get bigger faster with Twig #2.

Sleep:  Early to bed, wake up to pee at 10:30, 12, 2, 4, 5, ....you get the picture

Best Moment This Week:  Not throwing up daily.

Movement:  None really

Food Cravings: Grilled cheese

Planning/Preparation:  Nothing yet really.

Belly Button In/Out:  In

Gender: Not sure yet

What I Miss:  Nothing really.

What I'm Looking Forward To:   Feeling Twig KICK!
Contractions: Nope

Milestones? Nothing yet!

So one year ago today...

I came home from the hospital.   For those of you pregnant ladies or future pregnant ladies, a couple tips on the day you come home from the hospital.

First, do not,  under any circumstance, allow people to be at your house less than two hours after you get there.  TELL YOUR HUSBAND THIS.   My husband did not realize that the last thing I wanted to do when I got home was have people there.   But I didn't tell him so lo and behold, MIL and SIL and nephew show up within minutes after us arriving home.  I wanted to shower.   Hang out with my son and husband in our home.  Nope.  I did insist my MIL bring lunch, but still.  TELL YOUR HUSBAND BEFORE LEAVING THE HOSPITAL THAT NO ONE CAN COME OVER TILL LATER.

Second, while you are in the hospital, have your husband go get the following:

• Tucks Pads
• The largest size ALWAYS pads, the next smallest, and the next smallest.
• Any snack that you think you will enjoy (I was hooked on graham crackers).
• The softest toilet paper he can find (cashmere, if they make it).
• Your favorite beverage
• If your baby takes a pacifier, make him go buy 5-6 of the pacifiers the hospital gives, and have them in every room in your house, the car, and your purse.

He might have to suck it up.  Be DESCRIPTIVE when it comes to the pads.  Tell him EXACTLY what is on the package, what colors it is, etc.  Don't leave anything out or he will undoubtedly come home with Depends.

Third, if someone asks what you need, tell them food.  My MIL made us three meals and it was fantastic.  John just had to heat it up.   If 10 people ask you what you need, and they each make you one dish, you are set for a week.  Trust me.

Fourth, and this is the big one.  If you are breastfeeding, and someone is visiting DO NOT get up and go to another room.  This is YOUR home, this is YOUR child, and you need to feed your baby where it works for you.  If they don't like it, THEY can go in a different room.

Happy 1st Birthday PJ!! (Yesterday)

My little guy turned one yesterday.   My happiness.  I cannot even believe it.   We celebrated by taking him to the Children's museum, where he had a blast.   Then we went to Toys R Us and got him a sandbox, a water table and a couple other toys.

After reflecting on the first year of my son's life, and my first year as a mother, I learned a lot of things.  I made a lot of mistakes, but I think all in all, I did pretty good.  A few things I learned.

It's really not that hard to go on a little sleep.  Yes, you are tired.  But when your baby needs you, you have the strength of 100 women.

There is nothing in the world more amazing than the first time your child smiles at you.

And then the first time they recognize you.

And then the first time they reach for you.

And then the first time they hug you.

The amount of love you feel the moment your child is born is undescribable.  Only other parents will understand.  I look at PJ now, and think, wow, and I thought I loved you then. 

There is nothing I wouldn't do, nothing I wouldn't give up, nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for the happiness and well being of my child.  

I  know it's cliche, I know people say it all the time.  But time just goes by so quickly once you have children.  Cherish every minute with your kids.   Cherish every minute with your husband.   You have created a life and you need to nourish it, care for it, and teach that life to be the best person they can be.

And in 20 years, you'll look back and say, I thought I loved you then.

"To have a child is to forever have a piece of your heart walking around outside your body."

So breastfeeding is over.

PJ went all day yesterday with no boob -- none before bed, none in the middle of the night, nada.   I am happy that now, such as last night when he woke up at 11, that John can calm him and put him back to bed.  But it's bittersweet.  I'm gonna miss that "me & PJ" time we always had, but I know I'll make up for it in other ways.

Of course being an emotional hormonal wreck, after he went to sleep without the boob, I said to John, "Our little guy doesn't need me anymore."  To which, of course, John replied, "OF COURSE he does!! He'll always need his mommy."  Yes, yes he will.   And I am a pretty kick ass mommy, so there you go.

One year ago today was my last day of work.  This of course, was unknown to me at the time.  Since my happiness decided to come 16 days early.   I cannot believe PJ is going to be one year old on Monday.  It is really amazing.  He's going to be walking real soon, he's so vocal, I just love him so much.  Being a mom is by far the best and most amazing thing that can happen to you.  Although I respect the people who don't want children, I cannot understand it.

A lot of bad things have happened in my life, especially in the past couple years.  But PJ makes up for ALL OF IT.   There is nothing a smile from him can't cure.

I really need to put up some pics.

The problem is I usually update my blog at work, and my pics are at home.   Oh well.  I'll get to it some day!  If you're reading this though, you're probably my FB friend, so you can see them there, dammit!

I think I have a little bit of a belly, it's definitely protruding more than before and definitely sooner than with PJ.  I'll have John take a pic tonight and I will POST IT.  Hahaha.  Still nauseous, and dry heaving, which is just really, such a great time.  I think I'll be switching to full on maternity close in a few weeks.   Which is fine with me, because really, maternity clothes are like pajamas.  And they are pretty cute nowadays, so I really have no issues with it whatesoever.  I am also peeing like crazy which is just so much fun.   Really.  You should try it.

My happiness turns ONE year old a week from today.  I can't even begin to wrap my head around that.   It's just amazing how much joy, happiness and fun he has brought into our lives.  I honestly think that with everything that has happened in the past year or so I would not be able to have gotten through without that smiling face and that adorable laugh to cheer me up.   No matter what happens, a smile from PJ makes me feel better, no matter what went on. 

It's amazing how different things were a year ago.  A year ago, my mom could walk on her own.  She was working.  She could utilize her left hand at least.   She was able to get dressed, go to the bathroom, do things for herself.  Now she can't even stand up from a sitting position.    She'll never be able to pick up PJ or anything, and that still is hard for me.

Enough about that.  This is a happy post.

1st prenatal appointment

I had my first prenatal appointment yesterday.  After going through pages and pages of paperwork (no, I don't smoke, yes I drink occasionally, no not right now), I stripped down to my birthday suit and donned the ever so stylish pink paper gown and hopped up on the table.

I gained two pounds (I think, based on the last time I weighed myself -- which was a couple months ago), had my boobies checked out, had my uterus checked out, gave some blood.  You know the usual 1st prenatal checkup.  Everything looks good.   Get to go back on April 3and we will hear the heartbeat, which is always good times.

PJ is so close to walking on his own.   Of course he lets go to stand and gets scared and falls forward, but we are working on it! 

PJ's taking steps!

Holding on to the table, or whatever it might be, but those little legs are moving!! Once he stops being scared of letting go, I think he'll be able to walk on his own!  He also got his first haircut Saturday, and he was a very good boy.  He looks so cute with his new haircut.   He's also been quite funny and active the past few days.   I can't believe he's turning 1 in just two weeks.

Still feeling super nauseous.  I am really hoping it goes away once the second trimester hits, but that is still 5 weeks away.   It's all worth it, but man.

On the bright side, I discovered laughing cow cheese.  UM YUM.

7 weeks, 3 days.

Stomach bile does NOT TASTE GOOD.   In the slightest.  It's definitely not one of the tastes you like to have lingering in your mouth.  And for those of you who are still reading, let me give you a run through of my mornings during this blessed 1st trimester.

5:30 a.m.  John's alarm goes off.  PJ might or might not be up.  If he isn't, I go pee and then I stay in bed.  If he is, I go pee, get him and we lay in bed and cuddle till John is down showering.

5:50 a.m.  John comes back upstairs after his shower.  If PJ is with me, we go downstairs, change diaper, make daddy's lunch, nurse.  If not, I go downstairs and make daddy's lunch.  And I go pee.

Approximately 6:00 - 6:15 a.m.  The urge to vomit because severe.  Kneel by the toilet.  Cough a couple times.  Dry heave.  Produce bile.  Yummy.  (During this time, John also leaves for work and PJ is probably in his jumperoo watching Blue's Clues or still sleeping).

Immediately following the bile:  Brush teeth.  Hard. Go pee.

6:15 a.m. -- till the rest of the day.  Continue to feel nauseous.  Except while eating.  But can't eat 24/7.

By the way, today we are craving Mexican.  So I had it for lunch and I am having it for dinner.  Mexican has been my craving a lot lately.

Did I mention I have to go pee?

EDD: October 16. Yup, Johnny Boy's birthday

Twig looks great.  Heartbeat of 128 bpm, measuring 6 weeks 5 days (so I was a couple days off).   Which makes me due on Johnny's birthday!!! Which is great, because (and this is according to John) the baby won't be born that day.  He doesn't  mind sharing his birthday with our son/daughter, but wants he/she to have his/her own special day.  (Sidenote:  cannot WAIT till I can just say "he" or "she" instead of this he/she business).

First prenatal appointment is March 11.  Hopefully it's with Dr. Axelrod.  I feel like we know him well since he delivered PJ and all.  Of course, any of the others is great too (except the flaky one, who's name I won't even attempt to spell).

Such a relief to know all is good with the little one inside.   I bet October is gonna be here in no time!

So the Commander is out.

We went to test drive a Commander last night, and as predicted, John didn't like it. I knew he wouldn't but I obliged his need to check it out.  We found a Grand Cherokee we like and are going to (hopefully) buy it on Saturday.  By the way, have I mentioned Saturday is the busiest. day. ever.  Car in the morning, two children's birthday parties, then dinner for Blair's 30th.  CRAZY.

I fell in the parking lot today and really hurt my tailbone.  I am sure Twig is okay, but you always worry about that.  My tailbone is hurting something fierce though.

Oh and have I mentioned that I am STARVING.  I mean, not just oh I need a snack, full on starving.  And I've decided Mexican is the way to go -- for lunch AND dinner. :)

1st tri sucks

Today was a particularly nauseous day. It was super duper bad earlier, I am feeling a bit better now after lunch.  And of course, dry heaving is no fun.

Things I am looking forward to:

1.  Seeing Twig's HB on Thursday.
2.  Hearing Twig's HB at the 12 week appt.
3.  Not dry heaving anymore.
4.  Feeling the first movement, flutter, etc.
5.  Having a belly.  I love having that roundess.
6.  Wearing the cute summer maternity clothes I got because that  means it's not winter anymore!
7.  Seeing PJ's reaction to my belly.

That's just some of them.  We'd be here for days if I listed them all.

Does anyone read my blog?

I am really not sure because no one comments!  Hahaha.

6 weeks, 4 days?

Maybe.  I'll find out for sure on Thursday!  My first ultrasound is Thursday morning at 9 a.m.  I hate this one though, because I have to drink 32 ounces of water and not pee.  I think I usually only drink about 20 because I seriously cannot hold it that long.  It's excruciating.  But luckily it shouldn't take that long -- but I'll get to see the heartbeat.  Yay!!!

Poor little PJ is still having sleeping issues.  He wakes up around midnight then around 3, and it seems he'll only settle down if he's laying in our bed, which is a problem.  I know I need to stop doing that, but it's hard when I am so damn exhausted.  Tonight, I am going to try and get him to go back into his own bed.  I just can't bear to hear him cry.  I am hoping now that he's gonna be on whole milk, it might help him to sleep better.

Cruising along

Poor PJ is sick.  Has a fever since Sunday.  I stayed home with him yesterday, John today.  Hopefully he can go back to the sitter tomorrow, otherwise I'll be staying home with him again.  But he's still his happy self most of the time, so that's good.

I'm feeling okay -- have to go get a third and final beta test.  The first one was so early the HCG was only 105, but then it went up to 1692 just 5 days later.  Since i have to be at least 6 weeks before I can get an ultrasound or the doctor can tell I am pregnant, I am going to get one more on Saturday and then we should have our first appointment and ultrasound.  Unfortunately, this is the u/s where I have to drink all the water and not pee, and it's so hard and painful for me to hold my pee for that long.   But at least the doctor's office is understanding about this and usually tries to get me in right away so I can relieve myself! :)

Anyway, I think I'll be 6 weeks on Thursday.   I am not putting up a ticker or anything till I get the due date from the doctor, because with PJ I was 5 days off, so I'd rather wait till I get the info from the ultrasound.  We told my SIL on Sunday and she was so excited.  She seriously had one of the best reactions ever!!

Two under two!!!

Week 4, Day 2

So the nausea is hanging around, I'm just waiting for it to be full blown morning sickness.   Going to get a beta test done at the doctor tomorrow, then again on Monday to see about how far along I might be -- in case it's different since I'm still nursing.

So excited to be able to have another wonderful baby in our family. :)

2 Under 2 HERE WE COME!

YUP!!! BFP!!! Tuesday night we were eating dinner, and John goes:

"You know, you might as well just pee on a stick tonight."

"Really?  I can."

"Yeah, why wait till morning?  Then you'll be rushing."

So we finished eating dinner and I went to pee on a stick -- well pee in a cup, to insert the stick into, because lord knows I am NOT coordinated enough to actually pee on the stick without peeing all over my hands.  PJ and I went to talk to John in the kitchen.

Go back in the bathroom.  Still an hourglass.   Wait a few seconds.  Back to the kitchen.

Repeat.

Repeat -- wait.  OH MY GOD.  It says PREGNANT.  PREGNANT.   Really?   I could not believe it.  I mean I wanted it, but I was shocked it happened so fast.  John kept saying, "the 'not' just hasn't shown up yet.  I just kept staring at it so excited.

"PJ!! You're gonna be a big brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And we have a crawler/cruiser! and we're 12 DPO

So all in the same weekend, PJ decided he wanted to start cruising -- AND crawling on all fours!  Funny that when he's about to get ready to start walking he decides he wants to crawl on all fours, but that's okay.  I was perfectly content with him skipping crawling and going right on to walking but now it looks like we have a multiple mode transportation PJ on our hands! :)

So I get to POAS on Wednesday.  I am soooo anxious.   I still feel nauseous, but it could just be coincidence.  I've already starting giving myself reason to be glad if it's a BFN.  I'll accrue more vacation time.   I'll be able to go back to work in end of January instead of right after the holidays.  Etc, etc.   Wednesday can't come soon enough for me!! 

We saw little miss Raewyn last night, and she's just so tiny and little and new.   You forget how little your baby was when they've gotten so big and independent.   It's easy to forget how there was time where when I put PJ down, he was exactly where I left him when I got back.   There was a time when his cry was so little and that was the only noises he made really.  And of course there was the time where my boobs were so huge I thought I was going to keep over from the extra weight in front. 

But I want it all back.  Every second of it.

Being nauseous sucks.

Especially when it's not for a good reason.  I've been nauseous for about a week now, and today I just feel so icky.   I am not sure what to eat because I really don't want to throw up again.  Hopefully there's a good reason behind it.    I didn't get much sleep last night and PJ was especially irritable, which was very helpful when I feel like I might vomit at any minute.  I was gonna start our new sleeping method for him last night, but I just couldn't deal with it considering how I felt.  And it looks like tonight isn't going to be much better.

PJ climbed the stairs.

Oh yes.  All 5 stairs at my parents house -- like he's been doing it his whole life.   He's so adorable.  It's too much to stand sometimes.

So even though I KNEW there was no possible way I'd get a BFP, I POAS last night.   I AM SUCH A LOSER.  I called it my practice run.  Hahahahahha.   I did not inform my husband because he would have yelled at me about wasting money, etc, etc.  But now I can wait until I am SUPPOSED to POAS, which is February 3.   Or maybe the 2nd.  It all depends on how long I can hold out.

So, now for the 2WW.

I hate the 2WW.   It's really stupid, and they really need to come up with a pregnancy test that can detect pregnancy sooner.  So anyway, AF will be due February 3, so technically I could test as early as January 29, but I won't.  I'll try to hold off till the 3rd just because it will be better.  Although I do have two pregnancy tests...

Speaking of pregnancy tests, always go digital.   It's always more real and more confident to see the word PREGNANT than to try to figure out if that's really a line -- although the old saying, "a line is a line" is true,  I still like the word PREGNANT.   It's just so much more defining, you know?

Ah, my happiness.  Last night was better, only two times waking up.  But now my little booger is standing up at every possible opportunity.  He uses anything he can.  Me, the gate, the crib, a toy, the dog, whatever.  He is always wanting to stand!  I bet he'll be walking soon.  Funny he never will crawl -- just army crawl.  Some kids skip that stage, and PJ seems to be one of them.

So here's hoping that Johnny's little swimmers found a home. :)

Teething SUCKS. Oh and it's O day!

My poor little boy.  I have never heard him scream like that.  Standing up in his crib, tears streaming, screamiing like he was in so much pain.  All that would work is me nursing him, and then he'd go back to sleep.  Teething SUCKS.  I am hoping this tooth comes in soon and the rest of the teeth don't take their sweet time -- it seems if the teeth come in closer together the pain is not as bad.

Anyway, today looks like the day.  O day or whatever.  I think I had CM today (for those of you who don't know what that is, I'll spare you the definition as it will most likely gross you out), but I've never been good at detecting that so who knows?  I'm hoping we are successful on the first try, that would be so awesome.    A pregnant woman was standing on the train with me today -- I'd say she was 7 or 8 months pregnant, and I was jealous!  I so want to be pregnant and have that belly and all that.  I was pretty cute pregnant, from what I understand.

So in addition to making a new recipe tonight, hopefully we're making a baby! :)

We're drinking again

PJ was on a "i'm not gonna take my bottle and you can't make me" strike for a week or so.  Finally, after I asked for a few days for our sitter to start giving it to him in the morning before lunch, he's back to taking it.  So that's good news.    I have set a goal for our little guy to be 20 lbs by his first birthday.  He was 17 lbs 6 ounces at his 9 month check up, and since he was sick we go back Monday for the shot he didn't get.  I am HOPING he's at least 18 lbs or very close to it on Monday.

He loves grabbing your lips, hitting you in the face, grabbing your nose.  It's so awesome to have that little hand on your face, even if sometimes the hitting hurts!  I think he wants to walk soon -- of course we aren't standing unassisted, but we do like to stand whenever there is anything we can pull ourselves up on!  I love watching him figure out how to pull himself up on the table, the gate, whatever it might be.   Of course, him turning himself around and standing in the high chair was a little scary!! :)

So I guess this is day 6...

of my cycle.  I'm not doing any of that charting, temping, testing, etc.  but based on prior knowledge, I am pretty sure I ovulate around day 13 or 14.  Which puts me at around the 19-21.  It's exciting knowing I could potentially be pregnant again in just a few weeks.    I think it would be awesome to be able to announce the pregnancy at PJ's  birthday party.   All of the family will be there, so we could tell everyone at once.

Of course, I am getting ahead of myself.  But I am really excited and so glad to be able have the possibility of getting pregnant again.   I loved being pregnant -- it's just so amazing having your child growing inside of you, knowing that you are helping them to become a person and that you have a forever bond with the little one growing inside of you.  I loved feeling the moving, the kicking, the slight graze of an arm.  Going to the doctor and hearing the heartbeat and knowing that your little one is moving along just fine.

PJ is the greatest part of my life, and I cannot wait for him to have a little brother or sister.  But in the mean time, feast your eyes on the adorableness that is Patrick John O'Gara.

So it's weird.

Having a period when you haven't had one in a year and a half.  I almost forgot what it was like.   Almost.   I am so glad it is finally here though because that means I am ovulating and now there's a good chance I can get pregnant again!   Ideally we wanted to be in a bigger house by the time #2 was born, but we'll make it work.  I cannot wait for my period to be OVER so we can get going on the sex.  I mean, really, what's not to like about that?

Of course, because I am a huge dork, I went on to see what the due date would be if I got pregnant after this period.   October 14.  Two days before John's 30th birthday.   I like October -- we do have a lot going on in the last four months of the year -- both of our birthdays, our anniversary, the holidays -- but I wouldn't be upset with an October baby.   It also excites me to get to possibly buy cute little spring/summer maternity clothes, which I didn't get to do with PJ, since I got pregnant in July.  Some of the maternity skirts/dresses are too cute.

Well, I am obviously getting ahead of myself here, but our goal for 2 under 2 still stands, and luckily, we have achieved the first step in making it a reality.

It's FINALLY here!

I got my period today! It's light and not bad but it's here and that makes me sooo happy.  Now I can actually GET pregnant!! WOO HOO!

It's 2010!

My happiness finished out the year with a terrible bout of RSV.  Poor little guy had a high fever, coughing, snotty nose for a good 5-6 days.  It was scary, it was the first time he's really been sick.  He's doing much better now and is back to my happy little PJ.   Only 17 pounds, 6 ounces for his 9 month check up, so we are working on getting him to eat more so he can be at least 20 pounds by his 1st birthday.

Went to what probably will be the last NYE dinner at Ruth's Chris with my parents.  RC's was awesome -- got the exact table we requested, a nice table in the back under the stairs so we weren't on display for people to see.   My mom pretty much has to be carried up the stairs now -- she can't do them on her own.  Her breathing has gotten worse, as well.   Last year at RC's she was able to walk in herself, feed herself, and drink her martini.   All Terry had to do was cut her steak.   Now she just sat there and Terry fed her.  As much as I should be used to it, it makes me want to burst into tears every time I witness it.

So enjoyed my time home with my boys, even if PJ was sick.  Saw great family over the holidays, and awesome friends.   I so wish work would stop getting in the way.