My kids are way too cute.

Seriously.  I look at PJ and Maggie and just am baffled at how cute they are.  How the hell did we make such cute kids?  I mean, sure John and I are a relatively attractive couple -- not ridiculously good looking or anything --but our kids?

ARE ridiculously good looking.  And then they do things that make them even cuter.

PJ went into Maggie's room and picked up a baby doll she has.  I was quickly trying to get him to play with something else, as John has this weird thing about boys playing with girl toys (which I've noticed ALL my friends who are dads have, but whatever).  He refused.

I noticed he was carrying it the way I carry Maggie to put her to bed.  So I backed off and watched.

He walked into his room, and carefully placed the baby on his bed.  He covered her up.  Then he turned on his sound machine, walked out of the room, shut the door and told me to SHH.

It was seriously one of the cutest things I have ever witnessed.

A few minutes later he walked in his room to check on her.  Satisfied that she was comfortable, he left, and told me again to Shh.  Then again we walked in and he took her out of bed and gave her to me.  Naptime was over.

Maggie says hi.  All the time.  Hihihihihihihihihihi.  It's adorable.  She also cracks up laughing when she says it and we say it back.  She's taking more and more steps -- usually no more than 2-3 at a time, but she's doing it more often.  She's now climbing onto chairs and is so damn proud of herself.

When I go get her in the morning, she starts giggling, then flops onto her tummy and "hides" in her crib.  She cracks up the entire time.

My happy happy kids. 

My happinesses.

Clean pants are overrated.

I used to have clean pants.   Unless my clumsy ass spilled something on myself (which I do quite often, and since the girls were smaller before I had the happinesses, it all went to  my pants).  Now, rarely do I have clean pants.

Inevitably, a little hand will rest on my knee or thigh, a little hand that just ate a cereal bar, or banana, or yogurt, or a cookie.  And little hand will leave a piece of whatever that was for me, right there on my pants.  And you know what?  I don't care.

If people tell me there's something on my pants, I am proud.  Proud because the something is there because I have two amazing, wonderful, adorable children.  I don't care if people think I'm not put together, or I am sloppy.  Because during the day, I look down, and see that spot, and I smile.  Because I remember the little hand that was in that spot earlier that day, just wanting to be close to Mommy.

Sometimes, I get drooled on.  Or spit up on.  Sometimes the spit up does require a change of shirt.  Depending on the amount of spit up, and well, the smell.  But if it's a small bit I can wipe off, I don't change.  And I don't care. Because again, that all comes with the kick ass job of being a Mommy.

So clean pants, I might see you again someday, when the kids are older, when they don't need to be close to Mommy as often.  But to be honest, I'd give up clean pants forever if it meant every day I had a little hand on my leg.

Sleeping loves.

There's something amazing about bedtime.

There's something to be said about nursing your baby to sleep, and watch him or her look at you, smile, and stop eating, just because he or she wants to smile at you.  And you smile back, because their smile melts your heart.  Then once your little happiness has eaten till their heart is content, gently lift them up and place them on your shoulder, where if you are lucky, you'll hear the blissful sigh of contentness that comes from the fact they know they are safe, loved, and happy.  You kiss their head, place them in the crib, say good night, and quietly leave the room.

There's something to be said about your almost two year old putting their head down on your lap, or maybe just leaning against your arm, as you wind down the day watching an age-appropriate movie or tv show just before they go to bed.  And when their head is in your lap, you run your fingers through their hair, or just make gentle circles on their back, so they know they are safe, loved and happy.  And then when the program is over, or bedtime is near, you pick up your toddler, who is now half your size, and they rest their head on your shoulder.  Not quite asleep, but happy to be there.  And you take them to their room, kiss them good night, and place them in bed, and start to sing.  The songs you've sang since they were just a tiny newborn and weren't quite ready to be out of your arms.  The songs that even though your voice might be terrible, they love to hear.  You sing them several times, quieter each time, until eventually you trail off and quietly leave the room.

The moment the head goes on my shoulder to the moment I leave the room are some of the most special moments of my day.  I cherish every bedtime because someday soon I will no longer be needed in bedtime.

I love you Patrick John and Maggie Marie.  There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.  Thank you for making everything in my world brighter.

Words. Rolling. Birthday.

Maggie rolls from back to tummy now.  Yay!  And let me tell you, girl does NOT stay on her back okay?  The moment I put her down on her back, by the time I turn around, she's on her tummy.  She's trying to move.  I think she wants to play with her big brother.  I should enjoy this while it lasts, because I have a feeling in a year the love and happiness between them is going to be replaced with whining, crying, and yelling.

PJ.  That kid learns a new word every day I swear.  Grandma, duck, stuck, uck, ick, not to mention all the other words he's saying that we can't understand yet.  Did I mention my happiness will be two in LESS THAN ONE MONTH??? DID I?  Well he is.  Shrek invites ready to be mailed on Monday.  Cake ordered. It's insane.  He's been having nightmares so almost every night for the last 3 hours of the sleepytime he's in our bed.  Which on one hand works out because then I don't have to worry about Mags waking him up, then trying to deal with both of them and get them back to sleep.  We did order him a BCM though so this weekend we're going to try to keep him in his bed.  Though I do love when he cuddles with me. :)

We're going to dinner Tuesday at Ruth's Chris to celebrate what would have been Pop's 57th birthday.  A big crew of us going -- about 15.  We are actually taking the kiddies because the wonderful people at Ruth's gave us a private room.  So if PJ starts throwing goldfish, at least he'll only be hitting family.  I'm making a little keepsake for John, Jenny and Aly that hopefully I will have some time to do when Johnny boy isn't around.

Sidebar.  I love quotes.  I have a quote book I bought my senior year of high school, and went through and highlighted all the quotes I loved.  In college, I'd write a different one on my dry erase board every day.  I recently discovered this book again, and decided I will post a daily quote on my blog -- even if I post nothing else, there will be a quote.  So today's quote is one of my all time favorites.

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."   - Anonymous.

Go be the world to that person.

Monday

Disclaimer:  I do not, in any way, wish to speak about the events that transpired yesterday, neither now, 5 minutes from now, 5 months from now, etc.

It's Monday.

My husband.  Is being.  A complete.  Asshole.  If  I try to say something, I get "My DAD just died.  Why cant' you be nicer to me?"  I have been nice.  I am just going to have grin and bear it.  I know this is the hardest thing he's ever gone through.  I just don't see how being an asshole to me makes it better.  Sigh.

So let's talk about better things.  My happiness.  PJ is now officially in 24 months/2T clothing.  All his 18 month stuff is too short -- some of the pants are still okay but all of the shirts show off his belly at the slightest movement.  My big guy.  My baby girl is just always smiling and happy.  However, PJ has been waking up FREAKING out the past few nights, and of course last night they both woke at the same time, and when THAT happens, no one goes back to sleep for awhile.  Good time.  I hope he's okay tonight.  I don't know if he's having bad dreams, or what.  But I want it to stop and him to go back to sleep.

Maggie's Christening is Sunday.  Rescheduled, of course.  I'm looking forward to seeing my pretty girl all dressed up.  Hopefully she doesn't cry the whole time like her big brother did.  At least it will be a time of celebrating.  I know her godparents are very excited about it.  It's nice to see people care so much.

Oh, and one thing I've learned about all this.  It is much, much easier to deal with death when you have some idea it's coming.   It sucks seeing my mom this way, but at least I won't be shocked when she dies.  John was shocked.  The emotion of shock, on top of everything else, makes it much more difficult to deal.

Um, the Game of the Century is Sunday

So.   The Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup last year.   PJ was born during a Hawks game and just a little over a year later, they won the Stanley Cup.

Maggie was born on the day of a Bears game.  A game they won.  So the Bears are going to win the Super Bowl just a few months later.  Why?  Because it's the 25th Anniversary of Super Bowl XX.  Because beating the PACKERS en route to a Super Bowl Championship is the sweetest taste of victory one can have.

Oh, and because we need a little happiness in the O'Gara Family.  And this would bring MOUNDS of happiness.

Anyway, PJ's added a couple two word sentences to his vocabulary.  Hi Mama! Hi Dog!  Shoes off!  Mama Yum!  Kee-kees! (Cookies).  He's so fricking adorable I can't stand it.  My happiness. 

Miss Maggie is by far one of the happiest babies ever.  You just look at her and she smiles.  She's so cute.  She's so strong holding her head up like such a big girl.  My happiness.

So we will be watching the Bears erase the Packers on Sunday.  Bringing it on home to Chicago.  Bearing down.  With that 12th player on the field.

Um, I'm back. Sorry for the delay....

So.  I'm back at work, able to use a computer without having to feed a baby, let a toddler sit on my lap and push all the keys, and have a few minutes to say HEY!

Here is the beautiful Maggie Marie.  Born 10/10/10 (how's that for awesomeness) at 8:02 p.m.  Yes, we missed being celebrities by 2 hours and 8 minutes.  Oh well.

Maggie had some issues in the first month of her life, mostly sleeping but we discovered our little girl had reflux, and since then things have been good.  Except for the past three or four nights when she suddenly STOPPED STTN and making Mommy tired.  But that's okay, because I'm chalking it up to the three month growth spurt. 

PJ is a fabulous big brother, as you can see here:  

He's very good with Maggie, always tries to put a blanket on her, shushes us when she's sleeping, tries to give her his sippy cup, you know the good stuff.

PJ is almost 2.  Yes, that's right.  My first happiness is going to be TWO YEARS OLD.  When the fuck did that happen?? Seriously.  He says so many words now.  Let's see. 

Mama

Dada

Hot (and he's correct when he tells you something is hot)

Uh-oh

Yum

Door

Down

Manny (for Handy Manny)

Roar (for his dinosaur)

Juice

Cheese

Hi

Fish

Dog

I am sure there are more, but I can't think of them right now.  He also is understanding more and more every single day. Still waiting for I love you.  Hopefully it comes soon because I am going to melt when he finally does say it.

Maggie rolls over from tummy to back.  She also smiles a ton, and is generally a happy baby.  Hopefully this sleeping thing is just a phase.  She's not napping well during the day either, apparently.  So who knows?  But baby girl needs more sleep than she's been getting the past few days.  I'm thinking it's a growth spurt, and apparently 3 months babies go through a sleep transition.  So if she wakes again tonight, before 3 a.m., I'm going to try and not feed her and just get her back to sleep.  I'm okay with a once a night feeding, as long as little girl goes back to sleep!

I'll tell you though.   A boy and a girl?  I think we're done.  It's hard with two -- everything is harder.  Every. Single.  Thing.  And I love our family.



I am so ready.

To be done.  Not because of the pregnancy, because of work.  Going to and from work is so damn draining.   I am slowly walking, uncomfortable while I am here because my back/butt hurt and I have to sit a lot of the day, I am peeing constantly.   It would be so much better if I could just be at home and hanging out with PJ, because at least though that can be hard I am with my happiness and not in this fucking place.

I really really hope I find a new job right after I go back to work (I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but oh well).  I want to work in the burbs.  And drive.  And walk just a few steps from the car to the door and the door to the car and that is it.  I hate that I leave at 4:30 but I don't really get started on my way home till nearly 5.  Imagine if I left at 4:30 and actually started going home at 4:30!! Oh the gloriousness.

I just hate my job so much.  I hate everything about it.  It used to be not so bad, until they started nitpicking on every fucking little thing we do and catering to the attorneys when there is NOTHING else they need.   What about what staff needs?  What about making us just the slightest bit happy?
Oh well.  We took PJ to his first Sox game yesterday, and boy was it a good one.   15 runs!! 5 homers.   He slept for three of the five, but hey, it was nap time, it was hot, and he was having a very long day. My little guy.  We're also back on the waking up once a night and refusing to go back to sleep in our crib thing, which is frustrating, so hopefully we go back to STTN again soon -- usually we do after 1-2 weeks.  So let's hope it happens soon.

Hot.

It's hot outside.  And I am not above getting in PJ's kiddie pool with him.   I mean, it's 5 feet wide.   Sitting in 3 inches of water sometimes is just enough to cool off this pregnant mama.  Did I mention how much he loves the pool?  Seriously.  Splash, splash.  Fun.  Good times.  I can't wait to take him in a real pool.  I actually can't wait to live in a different house where we have our OWN pool, but that's a whole other thing.

My happiness is still amazing and so so smart.   He pushes things over to where he wants them, to climb on them.   He figured out that if he wants to get on the couch, and John puts his hand out, he can use his hand to step on to get himself on the couch.  He knows to point for what he wants now, and is closing to saying "more?" when he wants more of something.   It's amazing how much he's grown and developed and I cannot believe my baby boy is turning into a little man.

The toddler bed is on it's way, and we are going to start working on transforming the bedrooms, and pretty much our house, to accommodate a toddler and a baby.  PJ's gonna have a brand new room!  A new bed, dresser, table and chairs, some toy storage.   We're hoping to get the bedrooms carpeted too.  It's gonna be a cramped kitchen scenario, but we'll manage.  It could be worse.

Bye Bye!

PJ says bye bye now.  Not always when he should, not all the time.   But his toys say bye bye and yesterday he said bye bye back.  It is seriously adorable.   He also is getting even better with walking, and went up the stairs at least 5 times yesterday.  He loves climbing and stairs are one thing he actually can.

The top front teeth are taking their time (I can SEE the little fuckers, they just won't pop through) which isn't causing sleep issues (thankfully) but is causing eating issues.  Oh well.  He'll have two more teeth to add to the adorableness that is my happiness.

We also had a poopy explosion today -- while he was in the jumperoo.  So he was able to jump all around in the poop that got all over the floor.  Good times.

MESH PANTIES

What the hell are mesh panties, you might be saying?  Mesh panties are the greatest gift to a woman who has just had a vaginal birth.   Trust me, after you've been laboring and pushing for however long, that last thing you want it to put on some cute little Victoria's Secret bikinis.

The mesh panties are fantastic because they offer the space to put in the ice pack, tucks pads, and huge pillow pad (more on all of these in a later post).  And trust me, that ice pack is the best thing ever.   So when you are in the hospital, be sure to get lots and lots of mesh panties. Make sure you bring lots home.  Because there is nothing better than mesh panties.

We sort of took a step.

PJ's been getting a little more secure in standing on his own - he stood several times yesterday for a decent amount of time, and he even tried to take a couple steps towards me!  YAY!! I think he'll be full out walking in a few weeks or so.  I can't wait.  We were at Wildfire yesterday and he wanted to walk so I took his hand and we walked around the lobby while he yelled things and smiled at people.

He was also enamored with the little babies at the G2G on Saturday.   He just looks at them -- like HEY!  You're SMALLER than me! 

My little happiness also slept till 8 both days this weekend -- of course Saturday, I woke up at 7 and didn't go back to sleep because I figured he'd wake up any second and I'd have to get up so what was the point.  But it was cute laying there and cuddling with him in our bed since John went to golf.  Last night he woke up a few times though, not like the normal STTN he's been doing.  Not sure what the problem was.  But then I had to go wake him up this morning which I hate doing, even though he is all smiley and cuddling and so happy to see his mama.

I am 14 weeks pregnant.  Feeling some flutters on occasion, which when I was pregnant with PJ I chalked up to gas, but that's how you learn.  I am excited to feel real kicks.  My naked belly also looks "pregnancy shaped" although to people it probably is still questionable.  I've had some people give me the "look" about the wondering if I'm pregnant. Sometimes it's funny to just let them wonder.

And today's installment of what happens after the baby comes out.

Stitches

So although you dialate to 10 cm (which, let's face it, is this much): ___________________________________________

you still might need a little help to push your little happiness out.  So you might tear.  Now DON'T FREAK OUT because you will NOT feel this.   You'll have know idea when, or if this happens, till after your baby is here and out and they say we have to stitch you up.  Some of you might have heard of an episiotomy, which is where you actually get cut, with scissors.  This is very uncommon nowadays.  Most doctors don't do it because it isn't necessary.

Okay, so if you tear, you'll need to be sewn up like the Thanksgiving turkey after you stuff it (nice visual).  Again, you won't feel this, because they numb the area.   However, if you don't want to SEE the stitching, I suggest you do not look forward.  Look to the right, left, close your eyes, whatever.  There's something a little unnerving about seeing a long piece of string coming up from your vajayjay.

Anyway, not painful, not a big deal, and the stitches disslove. And if you are lucky, you'll have a joker husband like mine that tells you, "I asked the doc to put a couple extra in there.  You know.  To make it tighter."

Nice work, honey.

Happy 1st Birthday PJ!! (Yesterday)

My little guy turned one yesterday.   My happiness.  I cannot even believe it.   We celebrated by taking him to the Children's museum, where he had a blast.   Then we went to Toys R Us and got him a sandbox, a water table and a couple other toys.

After reflecting on the first year of my son's life, and my first year as a mother, I learned a lot of things.  I made a lot of mistakes, but I think all in all, I did pretty good.  A few things I learned.

It's really not that hard to go on a little sleep.  Yes, you are tired.  But when your baby needs you, you have the strength of 100 women.

There is nothing in the world more amazing than the first time your child smiles at you.

And then the first time they recognize you.

And then the first time they reach for you.

And then the first time they hug you.

The amount of love you feel the moment your child is born is undescribable.  Only other parents will understand.  I look at PJ now, and think, wow, and I thought I loved you then. 

There is nothing I wouldn't do, nothing I wouldn't give up, nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for the happiness and well being of my child.  

I  know it's cliche, I know people say it all the time.  But time just goes by so quickly once you have children.  Cherish every minute with your kids.   Cherish every minute with your husband.   You have created a life and you need to nourish it, care for it, and teach that life to be the best person they can be.

And in 20 years, you'll look back and say, I thought I loved you then.

"To have a child is to forever have a piece of your heart walking around outside your body."

So breastfeeding is over.

PJ went all day yesterday with no boob -- none before bed, none in the middle of the night, nada.   I am happy that now, such as last night when he woke up at 11, that John can calm him and put him back to bed.  But it's bittersweet.  I'm gonna miss that "me & PJ" time we always had, but I know I'll make up for it in other ways.

Of course being an emotional hormonal wreck, after he went to sleep without the boob, I said to John, "Our little guy doesn't need me anymore."  To which, of course, John replied, "OF COURSE he does!! He'll always need his mommy."  Yes, yes he will.   And I am a pretty kick ass mommy, so there you go.

One year ago today was my last day of work.  This of course, was unknown to me at the time.  Since my happiness decided to come 16 days early.   I cannot believe PJ is going to be one year old on Monday.  It is really amazing.  He's going to be walking real soon, he's so vocal, I just love him so much.  Being a mom is by far the best and most amazing thing that can happen to you.  Although I respect the people who don't want children, I cannot understand it.

A lot of bad things have happened in my life, especially in the past couple years.  But PJ makes up for ALL OF IT.   There is nothing a smile from him can't cure.