Really? Music?

So Maggie's nightly wakings have been taking a toll on this mama.  I mean, I know she's teething, and I feel for her.  So last night, I had a different plan.

I put orajel on her gums, and gave her half a dose of ibuprofen.  I had John get PJ in the tub, and I nursed Maggie.  She dozed off while nursing.  She does this a lot, but usually when I place her in bed, she pops right up, bright eyed.  Last night, we went in her room, and I rocked her a few minutes and sang her a little song. I placed her down, and she got comfy and stayed asleep.

Then I turned on the BCM.  But I turned it on the "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" mode instead of "Ocean" like I've been doing.

She slept from 7:30 to 2 a.m.  That was the first 4 hours of consecutive sleep I've gotten in months.  I nursed her, she went back to sleep and slept till I WOKE HER UP THIS MORNING AT 6:30.  Please don't let this be a fluke.  Please, for the love of everything, let it be just how it has to be because I can handle getting up at 2 a.m.

Sidebar:  Please pay a visit to Jen's blog where she links to my PYHO from last week. 

PYHO Wednesday -- Veggies

This may seem like an insignificant thing to be passionate about, but it's been a topic of discussion amongst my circle lately.

I really don't see what the big deal is about vegetables.  Husband and I eat potatoes, corn, salad (with various lettuces, cucumbers, a little tomato and onion), raw carrots and, well, thats about it in the vegetable department.  I don't force my kids to eat vegetables because I am NEVER GOING TO MAKE THEM.  I won't even make green beans, or broccoli, or cauliflower, or whatever.  PJ didn't like the pureed peas, and he was iffy on green beans.  So I didn't force them on him.  Maggie is the same.  They both loved sweet potatoes and carrots.  So that is what they'll eat.

I know, I know, vegetables are good for you, etc.  Well you know what else is good for you?  Fruit.  And my kids love fruit.  And I love fruit.  And despite the fact that husband and I are not vegetable eaters and never have been, we are both doing pretty okay.   PJ is doing pretty okay.  And Maggie will be too.  I'm not going to start pureeing vegetables and hiding them in PJ's food.  Because you know what?  He's too smart for that.  He'll find them, or taste them, and then end up not eating the food because even though he loves mac and cheese, he's not going to eat mac and cheese with chunks of green beans mashed in with it.

I don't believe in forcing my kids to eat stuff that I won't eat.  I will firmly try to have PJ and Maggie try the things I make for dinner.  PJ is picky now, but I know eventually he'll come around to eating the things I make.  But I won't ever make green beans, so why should he have to eat them now?  I don't eat those things because I don't like them.  I wouldn't want someone to make me eat something I don't like, and I am certainly not going to make my kids eat something they don't like.  Some people don't like red meat.  I love red meat.  I don't expect them to eat it.   Don't expect me or my kids to eat veggies.

Ears, Stats, Chick-Fil-A

My pretty little girl got her ears pierced yesterday.

Yes, she's young.  I did it this young because, well, she won't remember it (I was 7 months old when I got mine pierced and I have no recollection) and because she's too young to mess with them.  She didn't cry anymore that she does when she gets shots, and she looks soooo pretty.  Yay for my pretty little girl!  We also got her weight, and she is weighing 14 lbs, 13 ounces and is 25 inches long.

PJ also had his 2 year check up and is doing great.  27 lbs, 32.5 inches and is average in weight, a little short, but oh well. He'll have a growth spurt at some point.   Everything else is good.

We then went to Chick-Fil-A for dinner.  Nom, nom, nom.

Chick-Fil-A just came here in November.  It is so fricking good.  Seriously.  Best Spicy Chicken sandwich ever.  And the people are so fricking nice.  Southern hospitality and all that jazz.  I am sad I have been missing out on Chick-Fil-A for the first 30 years of my life.  If you haven't tried it and there is one near you, you're an idiot.  If there isn't one near you, if you ever are road tripping and see one GO.  You will NOT be disappointed. 

Oh and totally side note -- is anyone else totally freaked out that Callie is going to lose the baby on Grey's?  I can't handle things on tv shows anymore where babies or kids are hurt or worse.  Let's hope baby Torres/Sloan/Robbins is okay.

Cheers to NOT being pregnant.

I found out this morning our good friends PJ and Julie (not my PJ, but yes the name is the same) are pregnant again with their second child.  Their kids will be about the same distance apart as PJ and Mags.  I have another friend who is pregnant and yet another friend who is but keeping cautiously optimistic as the women in her family have had many issues with miscarriage and what not.

The first thing I thought of was thank god I am not pregnant.  Cheers to NOT being one of the pregnant ones!  I feel like I was one of the pregnant girls for so long.  I adore my little ones, as you know, but nights like last night make me even more okay with our decision to be through with two.

Maggie woke up at 1:30 and did not settle down to go back to sleep till 345.  I was in and out of dozing during this time, but not really sleeping.  I can see slits in her gums, so I imagine she's going to be getting teeth a bit sooner than PJ did, but good lord am I tired this morning. Sidebar:  Another reason the DVR is the best invention ever - instead of watching terrible tv at 2 in the morning, I get to watch Army Wives from earlier in the evening.  Score.

Anyway, I hate teething so much.  It's so painful for them, it's rough on me, etc.  It's one of those stages I cannot wait to be over.  I know it's just beginning, but the first teeth seem to be the worst.  So hopefully tonight my beautiful baby girl will sleep better for Mama, because Mama needs some snoozing.  Of course, they both have runny noses now which is also awesome for waking up with dried snot on their nose.  Dried Snot: 1, LOG, 0.

So, I hate pumping up the jam.

And no, not while my feet are stumpin'.  Although, I probably would hate it if it was while my feet are stumpin'.

I breastfed PJ for a year.  Strictly.  Not one drop of formula entered the little guy's mouth.  This was something I wanted to do strongly -- something I was deeply dedicated to and passionate about.  I do NOT think there is anything wrong with formula feeding -- it just wasn't for me.  Just like breastfeeding isn't for some moms.

Anyway, since I was dedicated to this, I had to pump.  Alot.  Three times a day at work, usually one time a day on the weekends.  I was always worried about not having enough.  I pumped at night with PJ a lot to make up for what I didn't pump during the day.  I wasn't prepared.  I took that damn supplement that makes you smell like maple syrup (really, it does).  I got domperidone from someone on the bump.  But we made it. 

I am doing the same with Maggie.  It's a little easier this time, since I am more prepared and an old pro.  But I still HATE pumping.  I hate lugging the stupid thing to and from work everyday.  I hate watching my boobs look like cow teets when the pump is on.  I hate that I might burst into hysterics if I spill some milk (I spilled a whole bottle once with PJ; I think John thought I might have to be committed).

As much as I hate it, I do it, because it is important to me that Maggie, like her big brother, also does not ever ingest one drop of forumula.  I have about 6 months to go -- PJ was weaned shortly before his first birthday, mostly because I was pregnant, but still.  I will start weaning Maggie around the same time.  And then I will be done.  My boobs will be mine again.  I will give my pump to a friend to use while she continues to procreate. 

So here's to 17 months of pumping done and only 6 more to go.

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday

Yes, I realize it's Thursday, but I just came across this idea on Shell's blog and thought it was awesome, and didn't want to have to wait till next week.  So here I go, pouring my heart out on Thursday.

I am resentful and jealous of SAHMs.

I would give anything to SAH.  Anything.  I loved being home on maternity leave.  I know being a SAHM is hard work.  I know it's not a cakewalk, as many men and many women who aren't mothers believe.  I don't want to SAH because I think it will be easier than working, because truth be told, I think working at a job outside of the home is easier than being a SAHM.  I want to SAH because I hate that my kids spend their day laughing and playing with someone else.  That when they hurt themselves, or want a hug, they have to go to someone else.  I hate that I miss 9-10 hours of their life every single weekday.

I have a friend who is a SAHM who does nothing but complain about it. Complain about how she's in hell, and wants a part-time job so she can have a break.  Complain about how hard it is and how she wishes she could have a break.  All the time about wanting a break.  I'm not saying when I was at home, there weren't days where I wished I could have a little time for myself.  Sure there were.  But I always got it.  Maybe not that day.  But sometime.  And it was good.  It makes me so mad to see her complaints, to see the other SAHMs she is friends with back her up and all the while all of us working moms fuming because she has NO IDEA what it is to have to leave your kids everyday.  To have to wake them up when they are sleeping to get them ready to go to the sitter.  To race home as quickly as possible because you don't want to waste a single minute of time you can be spending with them.

I'm not saying all SAHMs are like this.  I am sure many realize exactly how awesome and lucky they are.  I am jealous.  I am jealous of the fact that your husband makes enough money to allow you to stay home.  I am jealous of the fact that you can take your kids to the park on a beautiful day, or go outside and play in freshly fallen snow, or take advantage of the classes the park district offers.  I am resentful when I see you post these things on FB, or tell me about it later.  I am resentful when you bitch about the wonderful opportunity you have to spend all day with your children.

However, I am grateful.  I am grateful each day I am so happy and excited to see my kids, because I haven't been there with them all day.  I am grateful for how excited THEY get when they see me.  I am grateful that because I have to work, I am able to appreciate and look so forward to the days I have off, the vacations we will take, and the weekends.  I am grateful that no matter what happens, I will always have the image of the grin on PJ's face when I walk into the room after work.  And soon Maggie's.

So two years ago today...

I came home from the hospital.  You can read my thoughts on coming home day here. 

Anyway, for any of you pregnant ladies or soon to be pregnant ladies, I wish you the following.

I wish your baby comes into the world just after visiting hours end.  PJ was born at 4:20 p.m.  Upon getting back to my room, my parents, my ILs, my SIL, BIL, niece, and John's grandparents were there.  All I wanted was some quality time with PJ and John.  But no, I  had to entertain guests when I wanted to shove about four turkey sandwicches in my mouth.

Maggie, on the other hand, was born at 8:02 pm.  Two blissful minutes AFTER visiting hours ended.  Which meant I got to hang out with her and John and then just her for 16 wonderful hours before anyone could come visit us.  I got to eat a sandwich.  I got to relax after giving birth.  It was so much better.

So, that is my wish for you.  That your baby comes into the world in the late evening, but not so late that it's the middle of the night.  Because that was pure bliss.

The last day of being a one year old.

PJ is doing better -- a little dehydrated but generally back to his happy, energetic self.

So today is my PJ's last day of being one.  Tomororw I will have a 2 year old.  I'll no longer have "2 under 2".   I cannot believe my little guy is 2 YEARS OLD.  It's amazing.  Tonight we'll wrap his gifts and I'll bake him a cake.  Tomorrow we will go to the zoo or to the children's museum depending on this crappy Chicago weather.

Since I doubt I'll post tomorrow, I am going to post my birthday story here.

PJ.  You came 16 days early.  I spent the night before your birth hanging out with Daddy and some of our friends playing poker and hanging out.  We left and I said, jokingly, "This will be the last time you all see me pregnant!" Because I figured we wouldn't see them again before your due date of April 7.

I woke up around 3:30 that morning to go to the bathroom, and noticed a little something different going on.  I figured I'd go back to bed and see if it was still there.  Around 4 a.m., I woke up again and noticed a wet spot on the sheet, and the same issue going on in the bathroom.  I called the doctor, and he said it sounded like my water broke and to get to the ER.

I woke up a very crabby Daddy, and we go to the hospital, him grumbling the whole way that it was a false alarm, and yadda yadda yadda.  We had the test done to prove it was amniotic fluid, and it was! YAY!  You were on your way, baby boy.  Your Daddy changed his tune pretty quickly.

It was about 5 a.m. at this point.  I still wasn't feeling any contractions, but decided I liked it that way, so I got the epidural around 6:30 a.m.  Daddy started calling your grandmas and grandpas to let them know you were on your way.

My labor was not terrible, you took it easy on your mommy.  Around 4:00 p.m. I started pushing.   You were born at 4:20 p.m.  I cried the moment I laid eyes on you.  The amount of love that surged through my body was like a feeling I'd never felt before.  All I wanted to do was hold you and kiss you and tell you how much I loved you.  I didn't get to spend time with just me and you till hours later -- the first time I held you, just me and you, I looked at your precious, peaceful face.  Sound asleep in my arms, like you were always there.  It felt natural, right, wonderful.  Like you were the piece of me that I never knew I was missing.

I look at you now, a happy, energetic, playful 2 year old.  You are a loving and caring little boy, always giving hugs and kisses, often unrequested, just because.  No matter how terrible things are or how bad of a day I've had, seeing how excited you get when I walk in the door makes it all go away.  You, PJ, are my happiness.  You are one of the three loves of my life. 

And I thought I loved you then.

Nothing like a little stomach flu.

I've been MIA for a few days, because my poor little PJ caught the stomach flu.  He started off throwing up Wednesday at sitter, and proceeded to not be able to keep anything in him the rest of Wednesday and Thursday morning.  After Thursday morning, he was eating and keeping stuff down -- although he still had a slight fever and a little clinginess going on. 

Thought he was okay, brought him to the sitter this morning where he promptly threw up as  I was about to leave.  So back home we went.  So I got two sick days this week, and taking another on Tuesday for my guy's 2nd birthday.  But today we seem to do be much better, acting our normal self, and CHOWING down on some mac and cheese for dinner.  So we got it out of our system before the big birthday.

I am itching to take the kiddies to the park, and hopefully will get to very soon.  It might be nice enough tomorrow to go for a bit, so we shall see.  I love the parks that have the separate toddler/younger kid portion.  Everything is low to the ground and easier for toddlers to navigate.  There's one not within walking distance, but about a 2 minute drive. LEt's face it, after chasing a 2 year old (GAH!) around the park, I probably won't feel like walking home anyway.

Anyway, I am going to start trying to post more pics, because, well, my kids are fucking adorable.

See, Maggie, this is where we find the cookies.

Yay for Jumping!

The ABCs of ME!

I got this from my dear friend Christina and decided it would be fun for all of you to read about the ABCs of LOG.  :)


The ABC's Of Me:


{a} Age: 31, 32 in September
{b} Bed Size: Queen

{c} Chore You Hate:  Mopping.  I'm not strong enough to really get it clean.  For real.
{d} Dogs: Love them.  Unfortunately, my current dog is an asshole.
{e} Essential Start To Your Day:  checking on the little ones
{f} Favorite Color:  Orange

{g} Gold Or Silver: Silver.  Gold makes me think of Italian Mobsters. I'm Italian, so I can say that.
{h} Height: 5'2
{i} Instruments You Play:  a little Piano
{j} Job Title:   Someone's bitch at a large law firm
{k} Kids:  PJ and Maggie
{l} Live:   Evergreen Park -- a suburb of Chicago

{m} Mom's Name: Marie
{n} Nicknames: LOG, Johnny boy calls me Sweet Pea, and before I got married, Schmitty
{o} Overnight Hospital Stays:  appendicitis, partial nephrectomy, PJ and Maggie's births
{p} Pet Peeve:   So many.  I hate when people act like they are better than you because they live on the northside or don't go to chain restaurants.
{q} Quote From A Movie:   I like that boulder.  That is a nice boulder.  (Too much Shrek in our house)
{r} Right- Or Left-Handed: Right

{s} Siblings:  Nada.
{t} Time You Wake Up:  about 5:30 M-F, around 6:30-7 on the weekends.
{u} Underwear: Yes.

{v} Vegetables You Dislike:   Um.  Most.  Peas, broccoli, asparagus, green beans...
{w} What Makes You Run Late:  I HATE being late, and very rarely am.  If I am it's because there was a poopy diaper or unscheduled feeding.

{x} X-Rays You've Had: Teeth, kidneys, appendix, I think that's it.
{y} Yummy Food You Make:  Kung Pao Chicken, chicken enchiladas, etc.
{z} Zoo - Favorite Animal:  Dolphins or Penguins Or Lions.

Want a turn? Feel free to grab this for yourself too! But make sure to leave a comment telling me so I can be sure to check out your post too! I'd love to hear your answers!

Night 1 - Success

You are probably like, what the hell are you talking about LOG? 

Well, last night I decided it was time to end PJ coming into our bed around 3:30/4 when he wakes up from what I am presuming is a nightmare.  I don't mind bringing him up there on the weekends around 6 when he wakes up and we all want to sleep more.  But it makes getting ready for work and what not so much harder when he's in our bed.  So I was determined.

Last night, he woke up around 1:30, which is unusual.  I went to his room, rubbed his back and laid with him.  I fell asleep, of course, and woke up when Mags woke up for her 2:00ish feeding.  I slowly got out of PJ's bed.  He did not wake.  I fed Maggie, but her back to bed.  So far so good.

He stayed in his bed till I woke him at 6:40 this morning.  Mags slept till I woke her at 6:30.  I was able to shower ALONE (unheard of!), get ready, get all the stuff ready, and then get the kids ready.  It was very nice.  Hopefully it will continue to work.  He has been a little more difficult going to sleep at night -- I blame this on the time change. :)  But I am quite proud of myself, even though I really didn't do anything too difficult.

Short Sleeving It.

First -- if you have not seen them yet, please go to the previous post and see the adorable pictures of my kids. :)  Thanks. :)

So I am willing spring and warmer weather.  I have been wearing short sleeve shirts.  Come April 1, I will stop wearing socks.  I put PJ in a short sleeve pajama shirt last night.  SPRING WILL COME DAMMIT.  I cannot wait to start playing outside with the kids.  Kids always sleep better when they have fresh air.

We didn't do too much this weekend -- which was nice.  Some errands, and we got a new front door and some new windows, and I swear, I am so fricking excited about this.  When did I get so old that I am excited about a front door??

Mags is teething. FOR SURE.  She is crying for no reason, she is fussy.  Teething.  She has now had green beans, carrots, sweet potatoes, and squash.  Tonight it's bananas.  Can't wait to see the smile when she tries the fruits. Fruits are way better than veggies!

Bought some goody bags and stuff to go in them for PJ's party.  So far the weather claims it will be 65.  LET'S HOPE SO!! :)

Happy Meal Somewhat Success and...PICTURES!

So.  PJ didn't eat too much of the burger, but he did eat the cheese, bun, ketchup and some fries.  So we will try again soon.   He'll eat meat soon dammit.

Anyway here are some pictures from this month.  I love my happinesses!

Hanging out before leaving in the morning....

Hmm, I think I want to sit up soon....

Can't resist the damn hooded towel.  So cute!

Yummy sweet potatoes!

Chilling with Daddy.

PJ doing what he does best.  Being a goofball.

Five months old!

PJ always makes Maggie laugh!

So there you go.   Some pics of the loves of my life.  Comment early and often.

What's new at the zoo?

Okay, so our house isn't QUITE a zoo, but I wanted to be clever and rhyme, and that's about all the creativity I can muster.

Maggie is using the jumperoo now.   She loves it.  She bounces around in it, laughs and smiles.  PJ also loved it so I am glad we are getting use out of it again.  And THEN WE CAN GET RID OF IT! :)  She's also eating sweet potatoes, green beans, and squash, which she is enjoying a lot more than that nasty rice cereal.  Two weeks of that and I thought she might shun food forever.  What was I thinking?  She's MY daughter.  (For those of you who don't know, my loves in life are My husband and kids, the Bears, and food).

She smiles all the time.  It's really kind of ridiculous.  I plan on uploading some pictures tonight to FB and HOPEFULLY to here, since I am terrible with pictures because I blog at work (shhh!) and all my pics are at home.

PJ is 11 days away from turning 2.   He's talking up a storm, we can't always understand it, but so be it.  He's being a bit picky about trying new things (i gave him spaghetti the other day and he made a face, I mean COME ON KID), but when it's something he likes, he eats it up.  So I'm not gonna worry yet.  Tonight I am getting him his very first McD's happy meal.  There is back up mac & cheese if he doesn't like his cheeseburger. :)

So have a kick ass weekend.  :)

5 Things I couldn't live without

So I got this from Sarah who got it from Tasha and I've seen it a bunch of other places, so there ya go.

The 5 things I couldn't live without, besides the obvious like food, clothing, my kids, my husband.

1.  My DVR.  I never EVER watch anything when it's actually on EXCEPT sports.  Everything else is DVR.  The DVR is also awesome to record a movie to see if PJ likes it BEFORE we buy it.

2.  My Iphone.  I love that I can pretty much find any answer I need to pretty much anything in a matter of seconds.  I love that it takes pictures, that it lets me post on Facebook, etc.

3.  Coca-cola.  Yes.  I love Coke.  SO MUCH.  and not in the tiger dragon, ninja assasin Charlie Sheen kind of way.

4.  Ruth's Chris.  Now some of you might be thinking WTF is that.  It's only the BEST STEAK RESTAURANT IN THE WORLD.  And I think I might die if I couldn't go there and get a black cherry martini, filet mignon and everything else.

5.  My Reef Flip Flops.  I never liked Flip Flops.  The thing always hurt me between my toes.  But not REEF!  Reef makes the best damn flip flops ever.

There ya have it.  Post on your blog and link to me.  I really want more followers!! HINT HINT!

Clean pants are overrated.

I used to have clean pants.   Unless my clumsy ass spilled something on myself (which I do quite often, and since the girls were smaller before I had the happinesses, it all went to  my pants).  Now, rarely do I have clean pants.

Inevitably, a little hand will rest on my knee or thigh, a little hand that just ate a cereal bar, or banana, or yogurt, or a cookie.  And little hand will leave a piece of whatever that was for me, right there on my pants.  And you know what?  I don't care.

If people tell me there's something on my pants, I am proud.  Proud because the something is there because I have two amazing, wonderful, adorable children.  I don't care if people think I'm not put together, or I am sloppy.  Because during the day, I look down, and see that spot, and I smile.  Because I remember the little hand that was in that spot earlier that day, just wanting to be close to Mommy.

Sometimes, I get drooled on.  Or spit up on.  Sometimes the spit up does require a change of shirt.  Depending on the amount of spit up, and well, the smell.  But if it's a small bit I can wipe off, I don't change.  And I don't care. Because again, that all comes with the kick ass job of being a Mommy.

So clean pants, I might see you again someday, when the kids are older, when they don't need to be close to Mommy as often.  But to be honest, I'd give up clean pants forever if it meant every day I had a little hand on my leg.

I've taken the pledge.

A good friend of mine brought my attention to this.

I think it's fantastic.  As much as I am a judgey McJudgerson (and I am, but really, who isn't) I firmly believe that as long as a mom loves her children with all her heart, puts them first, and basically does anything she can to make them happy, healthy and know they are loved, she is a good mom. 

I enjoy reading other mom's blogs and I hope that more people find mine and enjoy reading it as well.

The best, most rewarding, most fantastic and most awesome job in the world?  Being a mom.

Better!

Mags woke up only twice last night.  SCHEDULES PEOPLE.  I am telling you.

Poor PJ is having nightmares.  I sooo wish I could get them to stop.  I wonder what he's dreaming about.  It's not like we let him watch scary things. 

PJ also gave himself a black eye yesterday.  Tried to climb up on the ottoman at the sitter's (which she has moved SEVERAL times) and he fell.  Nice shiner.  Good thing his two year pics were Sunday. :)  My little guy is going to be a total bruiser.  I can just tell.

Schedules.

So PJ's never been a stickler for his schedule.  He always adjusted pretty well.

Miss Maggie?  SCHEDULE.  SCHEDULE.  SCHEDULE.

My baby girl has taken to playing in her crib, which is absolutely adorable, and she smiles and laughs and has fun.  It is absolutely awesome -- except at 2 a.m.

Or 4 a.m.

Yes, last night was our niece's birthday so Maggie's evening schedule was off.  This meant when she woke up to eat (which she's been doing three times a night lately, girl best be growing, okay??) when I put her down she started playing.  With her seahorse, with her binky, turning on her back to look at her mobile, back to her belly, etc.  This happened BOTH times she woke at 2 and 4 a.m.  GOOD TIMES.

I think this happened also because Saturday night we had a birthday party in Plainfield so her schedule was also off.  She is going to be on schedule pretty much for the next oh, I don't know 2 weeks!!  Mama is tired this morning.

PJ is still having bad dreams -- at least, that's all I can guess it is.  He wakes up SCREAMING, and terrified, and all he wants is me and hugs.  So that's what he gets.  I hope he gets through that stage soon, I feel so bad for him.

As mentioned in the post below, my little guy had his TWO YEAR PICTURES yesterday.

PJ IS GOING TO BE TWO YEARS OLD IN 15 DAYS.

My kids have Irish names! Help us win!

okay, so my kick ass friend Katie Ryan (http://www.katieryanphotography.com/) takes awesome pictures of my kids, and she's giving away a FREE session for whoever gets the most likes for her on FB.

SO go here https://www.facebook.com/album.php?fbid=10150113661495699&id=88609235698

and LIKE PJ's two year pics, and then LIKE Katie Ryan Photography on FB.  I mean, because don't you want to see more ADORABLE pics of my kids??

DONCHA??

Well, I've been kind of an asshole.

To my husband.  Although I don't think it's as severe as he thinks, what it comes down to is I have been hurting his feelings.  Alot, and although not intentionally, he has made it quite clear the things I do or don't do that hurt his feelings and or upset him, and truth be told, I haven't been the best at trying to stop or start doing these things.

Of course, he does things or doesn't do things that I don't like too.  He says he wouldn't do some of them if I didn't act like one of the things above, which is probably true.  The rest he claims he sees no reason to change if I can't change some stuff for him.  Also probably true.

So here I go. Here I go on the quest to be sugar, spice and everything nice and pretty much be so sickeningly sweet he is happy.  Because he's my best friend.  And the love of my life, and if that's what it takes, that's what I'll do.

Sleeping loves.

There's something amazing about bedtime.

There's something to be said about nursing your baby to sleep, and watch him or her look at you, smile, and stop eating, just because he or she wants to smile at you.  And you smile back, because their smile melts your heart.  Then once your little happiness has eaten till their heart is content, gently lift them up and place them on your shoulder, where if you are lucky, you'll hear the blissful sigh of contentness that comes from the fact they know they are safe, loved, and happy.  You kiss their head, place them in the crib, say good night, and quietly leave the room.

There's something to be said about your almost two year old putting their head down on your lap, or maybe just leaning against your arm, as you wind down the day watching an age-appropriate movie or tv show just before they go to bed.  And when their head is in your lap, you run your fingers through their hair, or just make gentle circles on their back, so they know they are safe, loved and happy.  And then when the program is over, or bedtime is near, you pick up your toddler, who is now half your size, and they rest their head on your shoulder.  Not quite asleep, but happy to be there.  And you take them to their room, kiss them good night, and place them in bed, and start to sing.  The songs you've sang since they were just a tiny newborn and weren't quite ready to be out of your arms.  The songs that even though your voice might be terrible, they love to hear.  You sing them several times, quieter each time, until eventually you trail off and quietly leave the room.

The moment the head goes on my shoulder to the moment I leave the room are some of the most special moments of my day.  I cherish every bedtime because someday soon I will no longer be needed in bedtime.

I love you Patrick John and Maggie Marie.  There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.  Thank you for making everything in my world brighter.

Quote of the day

It's the simple things in life that mean the most.  It's not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes.  There's no dollar sign on peace of mind, this I've come to know.  - Zac Brown Band