Restaurants Hate Me.

I'm not talking about Chick-Fil-A, or McD's.  Or even TGIFridays.

I'm talking about nice, but not too nice restaurants.

Restaurants that are nice, but not so nice that you wouldn't dare bring your almost 2.5 year old and almost 10 month old.

I went to a baby shower today of a good friend.  John was golfing, so I had to bring both kids.

This is how the afternoon went.

Enter room where shower takes place.

PJ spots M&Ms.

Conveniently, M&Ms are what I am giving him as rewards for potty training.

Put Maggie in high chair. Give her something to eat before she freaks out.

Meanwhile, PJ is trying to eat the entire bowl of M&Ms.

PJ discovers ducks outside.

Maggie discovers her buddy Hannah's (my friend Angie's daughter) applesauce.

Maggie no longer wants the plethora of food choices in front of her.

PJ says duck repeatedly.

"PJ stop banging your head on the window."

We go to the bathroom to discover there are no changing tables.

So we perfect my ability to change diapers standing up - no we don't.

Because it's a poop diaper.

So we change on the ceramic tile floor.  That's not too dirty.

Thankfully, Hannah is done with her applesauce.

PJ decides he wants the toy Hannah is playing with and just takes it.

Maggie continues eating.

"PJ stop banging your head on the window."


Food is here.

I manage to get PJ to take some bites of his PB&J.

I manage to eat because somehow both kids are somewhat well behaved at this time.

Cake comes out.  It has a peapod.

PJ thinks it's a football, and tells me so several times.

I take Maggie out of high chair.

She promptly tries to crawl out of the room.

"PJ don't touch the cake."

Grab Maggie.

"PJ don't touch the cake."


Discover Maggie is almost missing.

"PJ don't touch the cake."


Guest of honor opens presents.

"Yes, PJ was have that."

"Yes, PJ that's a cow."

"And another cow."

"And another cow."

"Yes, we have that book."

"That one too." 

"Look!  Cake."

Maggie dives into her cake.

Picks it up with both hands, promptly turning her dress into a cake dress.

She's practicing for her birthday I assume.

PJ takes some frosting and decides the cake isn't all that.

Maggie has cake in her hair.

On her legs.

In my hair.

On my skirt.

Angie gives me a onesie to change her into.

Maggie is screaming because I took the cake away.

PJ tries to comfort her.

I change her and give her a fruit strip.

This is new, so she calms immediately.

PJ tries to sit on her.

"COW MAMA!!!"

"DUCK MAMA!!!"

It's time to go.

We leave behind a trail.

A dirty tablecloth.

Gerber crunchies, rice cakes, tomato, chicken, cake and PB&J on the floor.

Smashed cake pop on the floor.

That I know of.

Thankfully, they both went to bed early.

Potty Training Day One

I have two days off between jobs.  What have I decided to do with this time?

Teach PJ how to pee on the potty.

I read some things, heard some things, and did a combination of those things.

We started after breakfast.  I put him in his big boy underwear.  I have pull ups, but those are for the sitter, and for car rides, because those things are freaking expensive, and I've heard they seem to much like a diaper so they don't really work.

Every ten minutes, we checked the underwear.  If they were dry, PJ got 2 M&Ms and then we went to sit on the potty for three minutes.

First time on it, he peed.  YAY! 

Third time on it, he peed.

Two hours into it, we had our first accident.

I was changing Maggie and he came running in and said "UCKY MAMA!"

And there it was, the puddle of pee all over the floor.

I made him help me clean up, we changed into new underwear, and then I marched him from the living room to the bathroom, pulled down his pants, sat him on the toliet, pulled up his pants, went back to the living room, repeat.  5 times.

He peed two more times in the potty before we left for McDonalds for lunch. I put him in a diaper for this car ride.

Which is PROMPTLY peed in. :)
We then went over to a friend's house, where he was hanging out with my best friend's son, who is newly potty trained.  Dylan said he had to go potty three times, every time he did, PJ would look at me, point to his crotch, and we'd go.  He peed in the toliet THREE TIMES and had a dry diaper the entire time.

He peed two more times in the potty after dinner.  Now he's in jammies and a diaper for bed. I'm not pushing my luck.

So YAY PJ for doing a great job on your first day.  Mommy loves you!

Till tomorrow.

PYHO: I hate everybody

 

I hate everybody.

I shouldn't say that.  I love my kids, my husband, myfriends, my family, my bloggy friends, Justin Timberlake, the Bears, etc.

I mean everybody as a generalization of the people in the world.  And by hate, I don't mean hate, I mean get extremely annoyed by, because I am sure some of the people I love do some of these things.

For example, I hate the person that thinks it's perfectly okay to read and walk while on the downtown streets of Chicago, therefore bumping into me and not being able to walk in a straight line, and bumping into everyone else.

I hate the people who let their children run half a block behind them because they are "too slow" or whatever fucking stupid ass reason they have for doing this.

I hate the people who are so rich they think that everything they have to say is interesting, funny, or important (or all of the above).  99% of the time, it's not any of those.  Oh and said people?  I don't feel bad when you have to shell out a couple hundred bucks for a car repair when your paycheck for a month is more than I make in a year.  Okay thanks bye.

I hate the people who say they won't eat at Ruth's Chris, or Morton's, or PF Changs or whatever because it's a "chain restaurant."  Um there is a reason it's a chain.  Because it's fucking good asshole.  Not that I don't enjoy a non-chain restaurant, but I think it's ridiculous to not go to a chain restaurant BECAUSE it is a chain.

I hate the people who obviously don't check the weather before they leave the house.  When it's 98 degrees with 100% humidity, you don't wear a long sleeved shirt with a sweater over it, and then continue to wear this in the above-mentioned weather.

I hate the blog readers who post comments calling you a bad mother, or an irresponsible mother, or what have you, but don't have the balls to allow you to respond, because they are no-reply commenters.

I hate the SAHM who complains she has no time to clean house or go to the store, when I somehow manage to do those things when I am gone from home 10 hours a day.

I should start a whole new blog about all the people I hate. :)

But I love you!

FOOTBALL'S BACK

I am so fricking excited.  I love football.  I live, breathe, eat, walk football.  I'm the Commissioner of my fantasy league, I'm the biggest Bears fan ever :), and I know more about it than most guys.

THANK YOU FOR FOOTBALL.

Even though you were all full of shit whining about your money anyway.

No pumping up the jam today.

I have nursed and pumped for a total of 1 year and 9 months so far.  I have never once forgotten my pumping stuff.

Until today.

I forgot the shields.  Those of you who pump, know what I am talking about.   Those of you who don't, these are the things that go on your boobs and turn you into a cow.

I got all ready in my empty office that I pump in, armed with my paper, my breakfast, and my Coca Cola, opened the bag and -- no shields.

Slight panic set in.  Then I took a deep breath and remembered I only need milk for tomorrow because after that I am home for four days before I start my new job, and I can easily get 15-16 extra ounces over those four days to make up for the freezer bag I'll have to use for tomorrow.  I am down to 10 ounces in the freezer, because, thank the heavens above, we're almost done.

My question, my worry though is if my boobs might explode.

Or is going to throw off my supply because I fuck up this one day?  I'll go from 6 this morning till 430 tonight without nursing or pumping.

Seriously.  I'm starting to add whole milk to her bottles at 10 months.  She'll be 10 months in two weeks.

Great timing.

Pull-ups and missing car seats.

I purchased our first (and hopefully only) box of pull-ups this weekend.

Shit, pull ups are fucking expensive. 

Anyway, our sitter requested them for potty training, and I plan to use them for naps/bedtime/car rides till I am confident PJ is fully potty trained.

I'm starting potty training boot camp on Thursday -- why Thursday?  Because I AM OFF BECAUSE I START MY NEW JOB ON MONDAY.

Sorry.  Sidetracked.  I'm just a little excited.

I've gotten some great tips from my sister from another mister Rebecca.  I'm doing the timer thing, the incentive thing, candy, prizes.  I've got M&Ms, Reese Pieces, Toy Story Figurines, Big Boy Underwear, and I will probably get cookies involved.

PJ's already peed in the potty many times -- always before bath, and has actually told us twice when he had to go.

The goal is to have him completely potty trained by our next trip -- an off road trip to good ol' French Lick Indianda.

Any other tips you might have, feel free.

It's time for the pee.

Oh and AHEM.

I went to put the kids in the car this morning.

Opened Maggie's door.

No car seat.

It was in John's jeep.

That was already at the train station.

So (and the person who called me an irresponsible mother on my post about taking the kids out of their car seats is gonna LOVE this) I put Mags in PJ's seat.

I had PJ climb in, sit in the middle and I said STAY RIGHT THERE.

When I started moving, he was all "WOW" because he wasn't in his seat.

(The train station is one mile away.  A mile and a half.)

He stayed there.  Gave Maggie toys.

Maggie was ECSTATIC.  She could see.  She wasn't in an arched position.  This is glorious.

Got to train station.  Took out car seat.  Mags was not happy to go back to rear facing.

PJ got in his seat all by himself.

Crisis averted.

And we're going to be turning Mags around.  SOON.

Everybody poops, dude.

We don't have this book, but I am sure I'll get it eventually.  However, I feel like I need to put it in the bathroom.  At work.

I don't get why people get so DISGUSTED by noises in the bathroom, that they themselves make. 

Today I was in the bathroom, and washing my hands, and another woman was doing the same.  Someone was in the stall, and let out the tiniest little "I might have to poop but I am not sure so I kind of just released some gas" noise (you ALL know what I am talking about).

The woman next to me looks at me, disgusted.

WHY??  Are you so amazing that you have such elegant poop that it never makes a noise coming out of you?  That you never release gas in any form?  And when you do poop, is it pink and purple and flower shaped, and leaves no residue for you to wipe off, and the toliet paper comes out cleaner than before you touched it?

I didn't think so.

We've all had stomachaches.  We've all been constipated, had diarrhea, had bad gas.  We've all had the incredibly noisy, splash back up on your ass, smells like death poop.  ALL OF US.  EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO USES YOUR WORK BATHROOM.

Why, then do people act like the person in the stall is doing this on purpose?  Like they have some sort of control over the sounds, noises, splashes, smell their poop makes?

Sure, certain things you eat might lead to smellier, messier, grosser poop.  But oh well. 

Shit happens.

Vacation...Part 2

So when I left off, we were in Austin.  We went to the Salt Lick BBQ, thanks to Man V. Food, and it was amazing.  Let me tell you.  Brisket, where have you been all my life?? OMG, it was so soo good.  We also bought cowboy hats (to be seen later).

We also went to the Austin Children's Museum, which was pretty kick ass.  The kids LOVED it.  They even had a special little baby area for Miss Maggie.

 And I had no idea PJ would really be rock and rollin' when I dressed him that day..



After Austin, we went to San Antonio, which was by far my favorite place in Texas.  We stayed right in downtown San Antonio, so we were able to do the fantastic riverwalk both nights.  If you ever go, the Riverwalk is awesome.  Lots of stores, restaurants, just a totally cool thing to do.

We also went to the Alamo.

The Alamo was seriously a let down.  It took 5 minutes, you can't take pictures inside, you can't touch the walls (try telling a 2 year old he can't touch the walls.  Are you kidding), and it just wasn't what we expected.  It's also right smack dab in the middle of downtown.  Anyway...

the riverwalk was super cool as I said, and we went to dinner and walked along it both times we were there. 

Our second day in San Antoni, we went to SEA WORLD.

SEA WORLD.

Sea World is awesome.  I can't wait to go back when the kids are a little older because they have roller coasters and a water park and all kinds of cool stuff. 

Anxiously waiting for daddy to buy our tickets...

PJ loves the Aquarium, and the fish/underwater stuff at the zoo, so I knew he'd love it here.  And he did.  He kept being amazed at all the animals and all the cool stuff we saw.

We got to feed some sea lions.

Those fish?  HAD EYES PEOPLE.  EYES.  I went to buy them and was immediately grossed out.  I gave them to John and had nothing to do with that.  I made sure I just watched the sea lions get fed.

Sea World has a new attraction called the Sesame Street Bay of Play, where there's a bunch of little rides for kids under 42 inches tall and Elmo, Cookie Monster, etc., roam the streets.  PJ got to go on his first ride...

He enjoyed it.  Really. :)

We also got to feed and pet the dolpins, which was so cool.

Fish?  Also had eyes.  John decided he wanted to see the dolphin jump for the fish, so he threw the last one, and the dolphin jumped, and made a big splash, promptly sending Maggie into hysterics as she had been sleeping oh so peacefully in the stroller prior to this.

Finally, we saw the Shamu show.  All I have to say?  PJ - amazed.  Me - amazed.  Shamu - huge.



Our final part of the trip, Colorado, will come later.  :)

PYHO: Trapped

Linking up with Shell again for PYHO.

For all intensive purposes, the past month or so has been pretty great.  We went on vacation (more on that tomorrow) and I got a new job and am getting hell out of this terrible place.  My kids are amazing, my husband loves me.  Life is pretty good.

But no matter how awesome life is going, there's a cloud that hangs over me.

I don't know that I've ever said this in these words.  I always beat around the bush.

I want my mom to die.

I haven't seen her since vacation.  She has no life at all.  She can barely even move her head any more, or sip from a cup.  My stepdad has to carry her from place to place, and when he put over his shoulder, she was like a sack of potatoes.  She's been like that for awhile, but for some reason that time, that image, seemed so much WORSE to me.

She can't say much, but you can make out (sort of) Hi, Love you, Pretty (Maggie), but not much more.

I called her after vacation and she tried to say hi, but I could no longer make out.  I only knew it was Hi because it's my mom.  Before, anyone would have been able to tell it was Hi.  Not anymore.

She sits in the family room, on the couch or in a chair, all day long.  She can't move.  She can't even move to tap her finger, or to move a hair from her face.  She doesn't even really sneeze ever because the muscles that cause you to sneeze are paralyzed.

Someone feeds her.

Takes her to the bathroom.

Wipes her.

Moves her hand if she wants it in a different spot.

She can't do anything.  Her life is one of nothing.  And no matter how happy it makes her to see us, and her grandkids, her life is NOTHING.  She has no life.  Seeing people you love cannot overcome that sadness, that depression, that ache to simply be able to pucker up to give someone a kiss.

I know she is miserable.  I know she is not accepting help because she has finally accepted the fact that she wont' beat this.  That she can't win.   That she's going to die, and most likely soon.  That she can't do anything she wanted to do before she died.  That she'll die never holding her grandchildren.

At least she knows I love her.

And I love her so much, I want to let her go.

It Won't Be Like This For Long...

those of you country fans out there probably are now singing Darius Rucker's awesome song by the same title, and truth be told, that's kind of what inspired this post.

PJ's started saying more stuff.  "What's that?" "Ucky mama?" - every time he sees dirt, every time I change his or Maggie's diaper, every time I wipe something, etc.  There's a lot of "ucky mama" in that little boy's life.

Sometimes I get tired of answering yes, but I know soon enough he won't be saying "ucky mama" anymore and I'll want it back.

Mags is being clingy.  Super clingy.  Like if I leave the room and am out of her sight she flips out and comes crawling as fast as she can.  Separation anxiety.  PJ went through it.  He still has it every now and then.  Sometimes it's a little frustrating.   But then I remember that someday, she won't care if I leave the house, much less the room.  So I scoop her up and hug her and tell her it will be okay.

She wakes up 2-3 times a night still.  That damn second tooth is coming in.  I did succeed in not nursing the last time she woke up last night.  I get tired, but then I remember sometimes when I walk past PJ's door and I have to go in because I need to see him, because he doesn't usually wake up.  How I actually miss being able to cuddle with him during the night.   And how nights when he does wake up, like last night, I love how he reaches his arms out to me when I open the door and scoop him up and put him back to bed.

It's hard for me to believe that PJ is already over 2.  How much of a little man he's become.  How he has such personality, such strong opinions.  It's hard for me to remember when he was Maggie's age.  I look at pictures a lot and he's grown up so much.  But I love the age he's at now, and I can't wait till Mags is this age and PJ is 4.  And how much fun we'll have.

I hate the infant seat.

Call me a bad mommy, but I cannot wait till Mags can be forward facing.

Once the kids are big enough to take out of the infant seat, I start itching to get them in the convertible seat so they can face forward.  I hate having them face backwards, and let me tell you, it's much harder with Maggie because she KNOWS her brother is forward facing.

Since the road trip, Maggie is arching her back if I try to put her in the car seat.  3800 miles rear facing while your big brother gets to watch Cars for the 100th time will do that to you.

So PJ got turned around at 11 months -- we got a new car and didn't see the point in installing an infant seat for a month.  He was so much happier.  It was so much easier.

Maggie will be turned around at 11 months as well because dammit, it makes everyone happy.

I've seen the video on you tube with the terrible things that can happen to your child if they are FF.  The things is, these things, I feel will happen to your child if they are rear facing if you get hit from the front, right?  Same concept.  I don't really know.  But the point is, please don't preach to me about how it's not safe, and etc., because I've read the literature and seen the video, and I still want my kids FF.

Go ahead and call me a bad mommy.

I'm baaackk....AND

Before I get into the wondrous events that was vacation, let me say.

I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!

At my old firm.  With a good raise, get to wear jeans on Fridays, flexibility in my schedule, shorter walk to and from the train, all around much better.  I CANNOT WAIT.  I start August 1.

So.  Vacation.

We drove a total of 3800 miles.  It was so much fun.  The kids did surprisingly well in the car. There were times when I took one or the other out of the car seat (bad mommy) while driving on isolated roads because, well, they just couldn't take it anymore.  But for the most part it was great.

So here we go!

First stop was St. Louis.  Our hotel was way overpriced - don't stay at the Millenium Hotel if you ever go that way.  But we visited a few places while we were there.

Me and PJ at the Arch.  We didn't go in it, which was fine with me as that thing is HIGH.

John, PJ and Mags at the Arch.

.

PJ desperately trying to get into Busch Stadium.

The pool here was very nice, and it was very hot in St. Louis.  The food was okay, not great, but St. Louis was basically just a stopover point so no big deal.  From here, we went to Hot Springs, Arkansas, which was very nice, but with the kiddies we couldn't go in the Hot Springs.  We were literally there for 12 hours to sleep.  We ate Buffalo Wild Wings.  Very Arkansas-y.

We were on our way to Houston.  Houston was pretty cool because one of the attorneys I work for got us comp nights in the Hotel Sorella, a very fancy hotel.  The hotel was located in an area called City Centre, where there were restaurants and stores right down from the hotel.  The pool here was kick ass and the food was very good.  Houston was also the first place I mastered putting a diaper on standing up.

Apparently, driving 5 miles an hour slower at night helps things in Texas.

The pool at our fancy hotel.

Our fancy hotel room.

100 beers on Tap.  Yardhouse.  Nice.

CHEESE!

I love PJ's face in this picture.

After Houston, we hit up Austin, where we went to the Children's museum which was super cool and went to Salt Lick BBQ.   We heard about Salt Lick on Man v. Food on the Travel Channel, and let me tell you it was FUCKING DELICIOUS.  The brisket was amazing.  AMAZING I TELL YOU.

I'll finish up the rest tomorrow.  I have a lot of catching up to do.