Gratuitous Last Day of Work for the Year Photo

Shirt from Old Navy that lights up?  - $19.50
Lucky jeans (yes that's right) - $90
Skechers (that are 4 years old) - $30
Coach glasses (the only coach thing I own) - $9  (INSURANCE BABY!)

Making a stupid pose to take a pic in the bathroom mirror at work for all of you to laugh?  PRICELESS.

Merry Christmas everyone!

PYHO: The Cheesiest Gift

There's alot of gifts in our house.  Mostly for PJ and Maggie.  Some for me, some for John.  Some for nieces, nephews, grandparents, parents. 

However, I get a gift every single day.

My gift is that the two greatest kids in the world call me Mama.

It's cheesy, I know.  I totally get it.

But no matter what kind of day I've had, when I get to the sitter's house, I have two amazing little people running towards me and screaming Mama and wrapping themselves around my legs.

How can I not smile?  How can I not scoop them up and smother them with kisses?

I have a son who when I say "Ow" or I drop something asks "You okay mama?" like I do to him.

I have a daughter who is happy every. single. morning when she wakes up -- even if I wake her up before she's ready.

I get kisses all day long.  I get hugs and smiles and giggles.

I get joy.  Happiness.  Pure happiness.

For simply being a mom.

I have a son who is learning new things every day.  Who is sweet, sensitive, and concerned for the people he loves.  A son who is independent (already) but still needs his mama's help sometimes.  A son who loves with his whole heart. A son who worries about where his little sister is if she's not with us at that moment.

I have a son who made me a mother.  A son who gave me this gift.

I have a daughter who is smart as a whip.  Who says things everyday that I know she has learned from her big brother.  A daughter who wants to be cuddled, read to, hugged, and kissed. A daughter who wants everything her big brother has.  She is sweet, beautiful, loving.  She completed my life.

So this Christmas, although there's lots of gifts going under our tree, I have the best gift ever.

Because I'm a mom.

I have a new goal in life.

I have a new goal in life.  I feel like I am a pretty good mama.  I realize I haven't had teenagers yet who hate me, but nonetheless, I think I am pretty kick ass.  I have a goal to continue to be a kick ass mama for all my years.

However, I now have a new goal.

It's a very, very important goal.  A goal I think PJ and Maggie will appreciate very much in the future. Along with their future spouses.

My new goal?  To be a kickass, non intrusive, non judgemental, non bitchy MOTHER-IN-LAW.

I don't feel this will be difficult to achieve.  I feel, that as long as I follow the list of things below, I will be good.

Disclaimer:  some of these have happened to me, some to friends of mine, or to friends of friends.  However, I think they are all under what not to do as a MIL.

1.  I will not tell my future daughter in law that her child spends "too much time with her" and take said child away.

2.  I will not tell my future daughter in law that she needs to "cut the connection" her child has with her because "it's ridiculous."

3.  I will not complain to my future daughter in law about Maggie.

4.  I will not turn down my son or daughter if they ask me to watch my grandchildren because I am not working.  I will also not charge them to do so.

5.  I will be sure to see my grandchildren on a very regular basis; regardless if they live 5 or 30 minutes away from me. 

6.  I will offer to take my grandchildren overnight so PJ and his wife or Maggie and her husband can have a much needed night off.

7.  I will not buy Maggie or my future daughter in law lingerie in hopes that "they will make me a grandkid."

8.  I will not make my children and their spouses fear telling me they are expecting. 

9.  I will understand when my kids need to leave because my grandchildren need to go home and get to bed.

10.  I will not keep my grandchildren up past their bed time so I can spend more time with them, because I will be practicing #5 above.

11.  I will not insist on getting Christmas lists from my kids so they know exactly what I am getting them.

12.  I will not speak badly about anyone in the family who my kids are close to but that I do not like. 

I am sure there are more, but I think if I keep these 12 in check, I am good to go.

What do you promise not to do as a MIL?

Life's Lessons: The gift giving edition

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I'm linking up with my kick ass girls Sara and Rach again today for Life's Lessons.

1.   I have to get gifts for my bosses.

2.  I have 5.  They are all attorneys.

3.  Do you know how difficult it is to buy a gift for someone who makes in a month what you make in 6 months?

4.  Or, who makes in two weeks what you make in a year?

5.  It's rough.  So  I'm baking cookies.

6.   And putting them in festive tins.

7.  John's gifts?  Are pretty fucking kick ass.

8.  PJ and Maggie's?  Amazing.


9.  My MIL?  Well, we were going to get her a grandmother's necklace with all the kids birthstones, but...

10.  My SIL is pregnant again!  :)  So we're holding off till next year.

11.  Speaking of my SIL, instead of exchanging the four of us are going to dinner.  How much better is that?
12.  Although now I can't get saucy with her.

13.  I've decided not to wrap the stocking stuffers.  Little hands will have a hard time opening those small, ridiculously taped packages.

14.  You know who else is hard to buy for?  Grandparents.  So they get framed pictures.

15.  But John's Gram?  She's getting a special ornament in remembrance of his dad, and a birthstone necklace from his birthday.

16.  We're pretty thoughtful.

17.  And I better get some nice gifts.

Peace out bitch.

Ten Things For Thursday

I'm stealing this idea from Rebecca, my awesome bloggy friend.  You should read mine, comment, and then go read hers.

10 Things I Love

1.  When PJ grabs my face and kisses me on the lips.

2.  The way Maggie was just hugging and hugging her Daddy this morning.

3.  Knowing we've finished wrapping the kids' gifts.

4.  The fact that we're going to our annual Christmas dinner with some good friends next week, and that it's at Ruth's Chris.

5.  New Girl.  Seriously.  This show is amazing.

6.  Conan.  I will never stop loving Conan.

7.  The look on PJ's face when he took a bite of a jalapeno cheeseburger -- even though I warned him.

8.  That I get my bonus tomorrow.

9.  Turkey -- which I am making on Sunday.

10.  The holiday breakfast I'm about to consume at work.

10 Things I hate

1.  People who stop in the middle of the sidewalk for no reason but to be a moron.

2.  The fact that it's raining in December.

3.  Laundry

4.  Dishes

5.  Figuring out what to make for dinner every night.

6.  Family Guy (yes, I hate this show).

7.  Stupid Drivers

8.  The fact that the Packers are undefeated. 

9.  Sealing envelopes on Christmas Cards. 

10.  Poopy diapers.

10 Things I don't give a shit about.

1.  Politics

2.  The Kardashians, Jersey Shore, any other reality TV morons.

3.  If and when Kim Middleton is going to get pregnant.

4.  The Coke cans look like Diet Coke cans, because somehow I was able to figure it out.

5.  If it's time for the perculator.

6.  What my hair looks like after I take my hat off.

7.  How unbelievable American Horror Story is -- I still fucking love it.

8.  College Football and all of the bowl games.

9.  Anything on the history channel.

10.  That sometimes my kids have cookies for breakfast.

PYHO: The Joy

Though the weather here in Chicago would lead one to believe otherwise, Christmas is a mere 11 days away. 

I've bought almost all my gifts.  We've started wrapping.  The decorations and tree have been up.

I see PJ's face light up every time he sees Santa.  I laugh when he turns our musical Santa on, and when I go to turn it off, he says "No. Bad Mama.  Santa on."

I can't help but smile at Maggie's excitement looking at the Christmas tree.  How she giggles and claps and bounces up and down.

The joy.  The joy of Christmas.

I'm about to be kind of rowdy here.

I'm so tired of the people who "hate" Christmas.  Who "dread" the holidays.  I'm not saying it's not stressful.  I'm not saying there's not drama to be had.  But hating it?  Hating what exactly?

Is it the shopping?  That's what the internet is for.  Is it the trying to figure out a gift?  Again, that's what the internet is for.  Is it because you don't want to deal with your family?  That's crap.

Now I realize some people have REALLY SHITTY FAMILIES.  However, I believe you are not stuck with the family you are born into.  If your blood family sucks, you're telling me there's no other family in your life? No friends?  No one that will bring joy to your holiday?

Having kids, Christmas is more joyful than ever.  I can hardly wait to see their faces light up Christmas morning, watch PJ tear through presents while Maggie plays with the paper.  I am excited to give John his gifts and to receive mine from him.  I'm looking forward to sitting on the floor and putting together toys and listening to Christmas music and just taking in the joy.

There are people who have almost nothing. People who have to rely on the donations of others to get gifts for their children.  And these people, these people who have all the right in the world to be angry at the world, aren't.  They experience the joy.

So I encourage you this Christmas to remember to experience the joy.  If you have children, to really take in and absorb the excitement on their faces.  The happiness, wonder, amazement they have when they first see your tree Christmas morning.  Maybe it will take you back to your childhood.  Maybe you can smile and know that they will be able to share this memory with your grandchildren one day.  And if you don't have kids, I hope you remember what it was like to be a kid.  I hope you can appreciate the day to be with the ones you love.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

10 Reasons Why I Don't Give a Shit about the Presidential Campaign

I'll tell you -- I was super excited when Barack Obama got elected.  I think I would have forks in my eyes if McCain had won.

Anyway, I'm disappointed in how things have gone so far.  I realize that because of the way our government is set up, with all this bi-partisan bullshit, Obama hasn't be able to do a lot of things he said/wanted/meant to do.  I understand that.  I'm not all anti-Obama now because of it, but I'm not super-Obama supporter any more either.

That being said, in 2008 was the first time I've been legally allowed to vote that I actually gave a shit. 

And it looks it like it will be the only.

And so, the reasons why I don't give a shit about Presidential Campaign.  (disclaimer:  None of these reasons are meant to offend, alienate, or upset you.  I personally don't care who or what you support, because that is your own decision)

1.  It's annoying to me that because a guy got a blow job or had some sexy time with some chick that means he's not fit to run the country.   Honestly?  I don't really care what dude does in his naked time, unless it involves something really disgusting and vile, like molesting children.  If your husband is having an affair, that should be a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP matter.    I don't really care who's slurping on your husband's schlong (yup, i just said that).

2.   Michelle Bachmann is fucking SCARY.  I don't know who is worse.  Sarah Palin or her.  I mean the thought of either of these women making decisions that basically effect the world is just mind boggling.  So I don't care because I can't watch her without feeling ashamed to be a woman.

3.  The Presidents in movies and on television are always so much more awesome or so much more vile.  We need a president modeled after one of the good ones.  I'm looking at you, President David Palmer.

4.  Until we do away with parties, nothing is really ever going to be achieved in this country.  I'm not sure who needs to be knocked upside the head to make this understood.

5.  I can't handle having a President who's first name is the same as a small lizard.

6.  I think Conan should run for President.  Until that happens, I'm out.

7.  I come from the state where the past two governors have been put behind bars.  I feel unqualified to pick a worthy candidate.

8.  I'm tempted to vote for Ron Paul because I like the design/music/look of his campaign ad. I have no idea what it says though.

9.  I will never take the time to educate myself regarding the candidates. 

10.  I have two toddlers.  I don't have time to give a shit.

Brought to you by LOG - it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.

3. 

Dammit, I want snow.

It's Chicago.

Usually by this time of year, we've shoveled a couple times.

We've had about half a centimeter of snow.

It's Christmastime.  I like snow covering the bushes, while the christmas lights shine through.  I like seeing the white stuff, because it feels more Christmasy.   Santa likes snow.

So I want it to snow dammit.  I don't want a blizzard, I don't want to have trouble driving (although this happens no matter what, because let's face it, people are dumb).  I want it to look like Christmas is in two fucking weeks.

I want to take PJ and Maggie outside to sled, to play, to make snowmen and throw snowballs.

So dammit.  Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Life's Lessons: The I'm Glad I'm not having Sara's week edition

1.  So I don't know what's up with blogger, but my header picture suddenly got smaller and I can't figure out how to fix it.

2.  I went on blogger help, but those people might as well be speaking Chinese.

3.  If you know how to fix it and can speak English, please let me know.

4.  I'm really glad no sewage has backed up anywhere I've been (Poor Sara).

5.  There was snow this morning.  Probably a centimeter.  PJ was ecstatic.

6.  I can't imagine how excited he'll be when there is snow he can actually play in.

7.  However, it never ceases to amaze me that people who live in CHICAGO act like they've never seen the stuff before.

8.  And drive like even huger assholes than normal.

9.  I'm playing Plants v. Zombies on my IPhone.

10.  It's fun.  Get it.

11. I am about to finish all my Christmas shopping with some clicks of buttons on internet sites.

12.  Besides John, he's special.

13.  We really need to start wrapping.

14.  There's a lot to be wrapped.

15.  Two weeks from today will be my first of 11 days off.

16.  It's the most wonderful time of the year.

From Our Family to Yours...

Since I can't send all of you a Christmas Card, please accept a virtual copy of one.

Merry Christmas to all of you!! Thanks so much for being such great friends and leaving good comments. 

XOXO

PYHO: All I Want for Christmas

This year, by far, is the Christmas I have most looked forward to.

PJ knows who Santa is.  He knows what presents are, and he is starting to understand Christmas, and all that jazz.  He and Maggie love the Christmas tree.  We had so much fun Christmas shopping for them. I am sure we spent entirely too much, but I don't care.  I love them so much, I want to see their little faces light up, see how excited PJ is when he opens his new train, dinosaur, etc. Maggie's face when she sees her new Minnie Mouse doll that talks to her, her first dollhouse.

I look forward to getting up on Christmas morning and watchng my normally sleepy-eyed, take a few minutes to realize it's morning kids be just bundled in excitment and joy.

Nothing will replace their joy at that moment.

And yet, there is sadness over our Christmas.

This is our first Christmas without John's dad.  It's the last "first" holiday without him, as he's been gone almost a year.  Thanksgiving was rough.   Christmas will be harder.

Christmas with my parents is nothing like it used to be.  My mom always has gone nuts for Christmas.  Ridiculous amounts of presents.  Unfortunately, she got sick before she could have the joy of Christmas with her grandchildren.  She was already unable to wrap or shop like she normally would in 2009, PJ's first Christmas.

We used to go there on Christmas Eve, around 9, have a couple cocktails, some snacks, and open presents.  We'd laugh, and tell stories, and I'd hope upon hope she'd like whatever I got her that year.  John would be flabbergasted at the amount of gifts.  We'd leave around midnight, and she and my stepdad would finish open their gifts from each other.

It's much different now.  We'll be going there at 11 in the morning.  The kids will have gifts that I ordered for her.  We'll have some gifts, but probably most likely gift cards and/or cash.  I told her not to get us anything, but to no avail.  Money and buying us things is the only thing she has control over.   It would upset her if I asked her to stop.

All I want for Christmas is my mom to no longer be suffering.  I don't want  her to go through another month, week, day, hell another MINUTE living this hell on earth that she is enduring.  I can't get what I really want, which is her to be healthy.  So instead I want her to be at peace.

Those of you who have mothers that drive you crazy, or mothers who are making your holiday plans difficult, please stop.  Think.  I would give anything for my mom to be driving me crazy right now. I know it's easy to say this in my situation, but if my mom being well meant she had to drive me crazy every single day, I'd take it.

Jolly old St. Nicholas....

lean your ear this way...

St. Nick came to our house today.  You know, leave a little something in your shoe, St. Nick?  My mom always did this for me -- until I was 25 years old (she actually made me leave my shoe in my car after I moved out so she could put something in there) and I wanted to continue the tradition with PJ and Mags.

Problem:  Other than itty bitty pieces of candy, not much fits in an almost 3 year old and a 1 year old shoe.

And lord knows if they got candy, they'd have to eat it THAT VERY MINUTE so candy was out.

So their gifts did NOT go in their shoe.

They got these cool reward sticker books:

Now, I'm all for letting Maggie have all the princess crap if SHE likes it, and don't want to force it down her throat, but Daddy saw this and HAD to get it for his baby girl.  Yeah, he's screwed.

Mags also got a mini slinky and PJ got one of those grabber toy things.

Of course the concept of St. Nick was lost on them, but I know he came dammit!

We also finished shopping for PJ and Mags on Saturday.  I cannot wait to give them their gifts.  They are just going to be so excited.  This is really what Christmas is all about.

Now to finish everyone else....

How's your shopping going?

Come play with me.....over here!

Today I am super excited to be the first guest poster (and returning the favor) at Finally Mom, my dear friend Christina's blog.  Christina is mom to her beautiful Lovie, who will be the big TWO later this month.

So please go visit me over there, check out Christina's blog, and make a new bloggy friend.

You know you wanna.

Have a good weekend!

PYHO: Strong Enough

A friend sent me a message yesterday.

I just wanted to drop you a note & tell you I think you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. That is all. XOXO.

She had no idea how desperately I needed to hear that yesterday.

Even though I question it.

Am I strong?  A lot of people would say that I am.  And I, too, think I am strong.  I was forced to grow up quickly and before I should have. My childhood wasn't the best.  And as they say, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

But am I strong enough?

I've been strong through a lot of stuff.  Being strong through my mom's disease though, has made others notice.

Of course, John noticed me being strong through the other stuff.  But now others are noticing.

I am worried I won't be able to keep this strength till the end.  I am realistic now.  I am factual, clear-minded, and decisive.

But is this enough?

My best and oldest friend (we've been friends since we were 16, so come January I'll officially have known her half my life) insisted I would be. 

Because I'm a mother.

Becoming a mom changes things.  You can't stop being a mom.  You can't shut it off.  You can't stop giving hugs, or kissing boo-boos, or singing good night songs because something bad is happening. 

Especially when those little ones don't understand what's happening.

Especially when they know you are sad, and come over to you and pick your face up in your hands and give you a kiss.

So although my pain will be severe, although my grief will be unimaginable,  I will be strong enough.

Because of them.

..

It's the holiday season....weekend wrapup

I'm back.  Did you miss me?   Sorry about the Tiny Prints posts -- but I scored some free holdiay cards and that makes me happy.

Thanksgiving was awesome.  Delicious turkey.  My only problem?  No leftovers.  I am attempting to make my own turkey in a couple weeks so we can have fricking leftovers!! Turkey sandwiches, turkey soup....love to eat turkey (I know we've covered this).

Potty training? Blows.  However, we did introduce the little frog potty, and PJ seems to be liking that much better.  He won't tell us when he has to go just yet, but he does sit on it and go pretty much every time we bring him to it.  So that's something.  My best friend told me it took her two months start to finish with her boys.  As long as he's good to go by his third birthday in March, I'll be a happy mama.  But seriously.  Hardest thing I've had to do as a parent - so far.

We got all our Christmas stuff up over the weekend - except the tree, because we get a real one so we wait till the first week of December.   PJ is just amazed by our Santa outside - he loves it.  I cannot wait till Christmas this year, it's going to be so awesome.

Saturday was the hospice meeting for my mom.  I let her in. I explained to her my mom was against it, both my parents are in a bit of denial, and I thought hospice should have come in months ago. She totally understood.  It's important to note this meeting was almost cancelled because my stepdad fell over the coffee table on Thanksgiving night, and dropped my mom and she face planted and her face is horribly bruised.  He wanted to cancel because he didn't want anyone to see her like that.  Luckily, I was able to talk sense into him, how this is the REASON he needs help.


We discussed why we thought hospice was needed. My stepdad explained how every 2-3 minutes (literally) he has to reposition her on the couch. How he hasn't left the house since 2:30 p.m. on Wednesday. I said he needed help, he can't do it alone.

Penny said that accepting hospice is simply managing symptoms to make you comfortable. That their goal is to make her comfortable. That's it. Whatever it takes, they will do it. She told my stepdad it's obvious he has taken wonderful care of my mom and there's nothing wrong with getting help.

He freaked out at this point and yelled "I have not done a wonderful job!!! Look at her face!"  Penny explained that the fall is one of the reasons he can't expect to do this alone.

She also asked if there was a DNR in place. I said no. She asked my mom if she would want to be resuscitated if her heart stopped. I haven't seen my mom move her head so adamantly in months -- NO.  My stepdad was visibly upset by this. Penny explained that there was a form to be signed because otherwise medical personnel is required to do chest compressions and/or insert a tube.

My mom is getting Ativan for anxiety and restlessness, which will hopefully help with her constantly needing to be adjusted. She's also getting Ambien to help her sleep -- they sleep 2-3 hours a night. She also has pain medicine, stool softenenerand some other medications that will be added to and/or adjusted as needed. A nurse will go there daily. An aide will come and bathe her and wash her hair and style her hair. My stepdad was beside himself for this -- he straightens my moms hair every other day and the aide will do this. The aides will also come sit with my mom so he can go to the store, the doctor, whatever he needs to do.

She also finally agreed to a hospital bed, after some convincing by me. I explained it might make her feel more comfortable, that she might not be in so much pain. I also told her to do it for stepdad, so he doesn't have to worry about falling if she's in an adjustable bed.  The meds came that night and they've slept better -- not fantastic, but much better since.

So that is my weekend wrapup. 

And I really need to start fucking Christmas shopping.

Another Fabulous Offer from Tiny Prints!

I normally don't blog about products, but I really love Tiny Prints.  I've used them for announcements and invitations before, and I've gotten nothing but compliments.

But RIGHT NOW, exclusively for bloggers, they are offering a great deal.

Here is an EXCLUSIVE deal that we are only sharing with our select blogger friends. Keep in mind that this deal is not available on our site, which makes it even more special!

Buy a $25 gift certificate and spend $100 on your holiday cards, and get $30 off your holiday cards order!  You can find out more information about it here.

It's like getting the gift certificate free -- and you can use that gift certificate in the future!

So go get yourself some holiday cards!!

'Tis the Season

It's that time of year.  The time when I desperately try to get both my kids to look at the camera, smile and be merry.

You know.

Christmas cards!

I've sent out Christmas cards every year.  In 2007, we started sending photo cards.  Since then, our list grows a little bit each year.  This year, I started looking and decided to check out Tiny Prints, which I've used for birthday invitations before.

I found this awesome card I would love to get.

this card

There are so many awesome cards to choose from.  You can find them all at http://www.tinyprints.com/shop/picture-christmas-cards.htm.  There are filters on the left side to help you narrow down your choices!

So if you want some great quality Christmas cards and some awesome deals, visit Tiny Prints!

Hello to all of you!

I recently gained about 6 new followers, so I want to welcome you and say I am soooo glad you are here (along with all my old followers who I love)!

I want to check you out so leave me a comment with your blog so I can! I'm too lazy to look in my followers list, is that okay?? Plus then other peeps might check you out as well.

This week is kind of crazed so just a few tidbits:

We bought a Santa decoration for outside and PJ is beside himself.  Santa! Santa! SANTA!!  I think he likes Santa.

Maggie says shoes!  Shoes shoes shoes shoes.  However, all she ever does is take off her shoes...

PJ says socks -- but he says COCKS.  Oh boy.

He also says sit.  But he says TIT.

So we have lots of cocks and tit in our house these days.

My stepdad finally decided to call for hospice for my mom.  I am so glad.  He desperately needs the help.

It's almost thanksgiving, and in case you missed it, I LOVE TURKEY.

Gobble gobble.

Life's Lessons: The I F#$!ING LOVE TURKEY EDITION

I'm linking up with fabulous Sara and Rach today for Life's Lessons.

1.  I love turkey.  So much I am attempting to make ANOTHER turkey in December for the first time.  If it goes well, watch out Martha Stewart.

2.  The Amish people?  Make damn good cheese.  Two words people.  Habanero cheese.

3. The Amish people?  Make damn good bread.  Three words people. Garlic Cheese Bread.

4.  Did I mention I love turkey?

5.  I am making apple spice cookies for Thanksgiving.  I have no idea why.  I'm not much of a baker.

6.   Is there such a thing as being too honest?  I don't think there is, but....

7.  Apparently if it's something negative, even if you're nice, it's not okay.

8.  But I'm tired of not being honest.

9.  I really fucking love turkey people.

10.  I got flowers for my anniversary.

11.  The first time I've ever gotten flowers from my husband.

12.  They are so beautiful.

13.  But not as beautiful as the turkey I'm gonna eat on Thursday.

:)

PYHO: Four Years Ago....

Four years ago today...

I was getting ready.

To get married.

Today is our anniversary.  Today we celebrate the day we became one, vowed to love each other through it all, the good, the bad, the ugly.

There's been a lot of good.

There's been too much bad.

There's been some ugly.

Our wedding day was perfect.  Exactly what I wanted it to be.  Everyone had a great time.  The food was excellent, the music was good.  The ceremony was exactly what we wanted (17 minutes from start to finish!), everyone who mattered to us was there.

Every anniversary we dance to our song - Making Memories of Us by Keith Urban.

I would love to go back and live our wedding day.  It was such a wonderful day.  We had so much fun.

My mom danced with me.  She danced all night long. 

John's dad was so proud.  He cried during our vows, and he couldn't have been more thrilled.

Our wedding day.

Happy Anniversary Johnny.

Who Let the Dog Out?

You may or may not know we have a dog.  A white German Shepherd, named Wrangler.

I can't show you a picture, because I don't have any.

Why?

Because Wrangler is a rebound dog. 

My favorite, best, wonderful, amazing dog Neo died suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 5.  He was the greatest dog ever. He was with me when I was with my asshole ex, and was part of the reason I got through all of that.  He got bloat and died on our kitchen floor.

I was nearly 8 months pregnant with PJ.

I was devastated and couldn't handle being home alone, not hearing the sound of a dog.  John was also devastated.  So we got the great idea to get a puppy when I was, yes, EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT.  I am still not sure why none of my friends tried to talk some sense into me, but alas.

Wrangler is not a bad dog -- he's good with the kids.  But he's annoying, whiny, and doesn't listen.  He's scared of dish towels (one fell on the floor, and he ran out of the kitchen like it was a war).  He whines incessantly.  He is stupid.  He is everything Neo was not.

Anyway, we have Wrangler.  PJ gets a huge kick out of chasing him around with toys, watching him run around outside.  Maggie also laughs at him constantly.  So he's okay in my book because he's good with our kids.

PJ has been very much into giving him treats. "Dog treat Mama!"  And also putting cheese in with his food.    He's very commanding.

"Doggie, eat!"

"Doggie, go!"

"Doggie, tit (sit)!"

This morning we were about to leave.

"We've got to let the doggie in!"

PJ goes running to the door.  Turns around, sees me following, and runs back to me.

"NO MAMA!  I DO!" and pushes me.

I stop and wait.  "Okay, baby, you let the doggie in."

Opens the door to our porch, walks to the screen door.

"Come in doggie!"

He held the door open like we do so the door doesn't hit the dog on his way in.

"Dog treat mama?"

Yeah, baby.  Dog treat.

I love you, Leaves, and Polar Express

PJ FINALLY SAID I LOVE YOU.

He said it a few times.  Love you mama.  :)

He also said Choo Choo Track, Santa, Snowman, Sweet, and a few other things.  I am not worried about him talking any more -- he's still not talking as much as maybe he could be, but he's doing just fine. :)

Oh and if your kid likes trains, two words -- POLAR EXPRESS.  We bought the DVD for PJ at Target and he sat and watched the ENTIRE MOVIE from start to finish.  He was ENTRANCED.

Here's a couple pics to remind you how cute they are....

Isn't she adorable??

My handsome little guy.

So proud of his very tall tower.

And since it was 60 degrees in Chicago yesterday (but SUPER windy), we went outside and had some fun. Enjoy! :)

You mean I get to jump in this big pile of leaves?  This is the best day ever!

Wait, Daddy, I'll help you rake more leaves.

I don't know about this Mommy. 

Well the slide is fun.  I'll try it.

This is AWESOME.

Mommy, you're so silly.

One, two, three JUMP!

Leaves are so cool.  I can jump and throw them and Mommy doesn't mind!

Happy Fall!

Untitled.

This song, though very difficult for me to listen to, is a song I will have playing when my mom finally ends her suffering.

Thanks Brad.

The Best.

I work, unfortunately.  I leave PJ and Maggie around 7:20 everyday and pick them up about 5:15.

I hate that I have to leave them.  I hate that I have to wake them up every morning, when they could peacefully sleep till they were ready to wake up.  I hate that I can't let them lounge around in their jammies (although today was pajama day, so SCORE).

But...

the best, absolute BEST part of my day comes when I pick them up.

When I walk in the door, PJ starts yelling MAMAMAMAMAMMA!  and runs to greet me.

When Maggie sees me, she starts clapping and laughing and running over to me, saying MAMAMAMAMAMMA.

Biggest smiles on their faces.  So happy.

To see me.

That.

Is.

The.

BEST.

PYHO: The Power of Prayer

I don't believe in God.

I went to a Catholic school for 13 years.  I had the Catholic religion shoved down my throat at every turn.

I think the Bible is a great story.  I mean, you have to be pretty creative to come up with it.

I have nothing against people who believe in God, who are devout Catholics, or even somewhat-practicing Catholics.  I have good friends that are very religious.  I have no problems with this.

I just don't feel that I need to go to a specific building to express my beliefs.  I believe in being a good person.  I believe there is something out there, something that created the world, created us, the animals, the beauty of nature.  I just don't believe in God/Jesus/etc.

We got married in a Chapel where God was not mentioned at all except perhaps maybe in passing.  PJ and Maggie were baptized at the same place; not because we believe in the "washing away original sin" idea, but because we wanted them to be able to choose, wanted them to have a ceremony where their godparents were honored, and wanted them to be able to get married in a Catholic Church if they so choose.

However, I find myself praying.  I don't know what or who I'm praying to.  I don't carve out time in a day to do it.  I'll just be sitting around and think

Please let this end soon.

I can't stand to see her like this anymore.

Please end the suffering.

When someone dies or is sick, I see many people say things like "I'll keep you in my prayers."  Me?

"I'll keep you in my thoughts."

And I do.  But I can't say prayers, because I don't have prayers.

But today, I ask you.

I ask you, if you pray, if you have prayers, to pray for an end.

Pray that my mom's suffering ends soon.

Pray that those who love her don't have to see her this way anymore.

Pray that I can finally finish mourning her.

Guess who's back...

back again...

No, not Shady.

The bitch of all bitches.

Some call her Aunt Flo.

I call her my fucking period.

I haven't had a period since -- wait for it -- June of 2008, except for one sorry excuse for a period I had in January of 2010 (it was 2 days, barely anything) and then I got pregnant with Maggie.

Being pregnant, nursing, being pregnant, nursing, and having an IUD. 

I stopped nursing almost two months ago.

She's back with a fucking vengeance.

I have cramps.  I am not prepared for this at all.  My OB/GYN said I might not get one at all because of the IUD.

WRONG!

I thought I had gotten it a few weeks ago but it turned out to be nothing.

This time, it's a hell of a lot more than nothing.

Fuck.

Life's Lessons: The On My Own Edition

I'm linking up with Rach and Sara today.

John went away this past weekend, and it was the first time we've been apart overnight (other than Maggie's birth) since PJ was born. 

1.  I thoroughly enjoyed being able to watch 4 episodes of Revenge Saturday night on On Demand.

2.  I throughly enjoyed being able to watch American Horror Story after the 4 episodes of Revenge.

3.  I really liked having the whole bed to myself -- not because I took over more of it, but because no one tried to horn in on my side when I got up to pee.

4.  I took PJ and Mags to Snackville Junction, a restaurant that is covered in trains, and your food gets BROUGHT TO YOU by train.  (Read:  PJ's heaven).

5.  We went to Boo at the Zoo with my best friend and her boys and had a blast.

6.  I went and met my friend's 3 week old baby girl, and confirmed the fact that I am SO GLAD we are done.

7.  Newborn phase?  Not fun.

8.  Toddler phase?  Way fun.

9.  Next year when me and my girlfriends want to do a weekend getaway?  He did it first.

10.  I really did miss him though.

11.  Really.

Things I love Thursday (Thanks Rebecca)

My good bloggy friend Rebecca did "Things I Love Thursday" today and because I liked the idea, I stole borrowed it from her.  So feel free to check out what she loves today too.

Conan O'Brien.  I love Conan.  It's irrational and ridiculous, but I love him.  We DVR him every night.  And last night, upon showing PJ who he was on my t-shirt, turned on one of the episodes and asked PJ who it was and he said "Conan!"  Yup, that's my boy.

Quesadillas and my quesadilla maker.  To be fair, I love all Mexican food, but this is what I am making for dinner tonight and I am super excited.

This is the dress I got for John's holiday party.  I love it so!!  I also love that we get to get dressed up and go out for a fancy night on someone else's dime.

Now, I know this show is ALL KINDS OF FUCKED UP, but I can't help it.  It's so intriguing.  And puzzling.  I keep trying to put the pieces together.

Of Course.  DA BEARS.

PYHO: Empathy

I think that I am a very caring, sympathetic, and empathetic person.   I'll do anything for the people I care about.

But lately, (let's face it, for the past few years) I've found myself not being empathetic to people when they are seeking pity or are upset about a situation that they had control over.

I have a friend who desperately wants to become a mom.  She tried to get pregnant on her own.  She tried IUIs.  She's now doing IVF.  She had her egg retrieval and it wasn't as successful as it could be.  There's still a chance, but it's not the BEST it could be.

I feel terrible for her.  I feel terrible that someone who wants a child so badly, who deserves a child, who would be a wonderful mother, is having so much trouble. 

Then I have a friend - an old friend - who just had her second child (11.5 years after her first).  A friend who got pregnant on purpose with a boyfriend who didn't want kids, who refuses to accompany her to events like weddings, and who basically is doing nothing for the child.  She wanted to get pregnant because "all of us are getting pregnant and having babies."  This is NOT the reason to have a child.  I don't feel bad for her that he doesn't help, because she knew he wouldn't.  Do I think he's a douche bag?  Sure.  But I don't feel bad for her.

Some people aren't meant to be parents.  Some of these people know that and choose not to get pregnant and take steps to ensure there is no oops.  Some of these people keep having children, either because they are idiots that can't use birth control or because there is some other reason I can't fathom.

Some people think they aren't meant to be parents, then they have a child and can't believe they ever thought that.

I don't feel bad for my MIL because she didn't see her grandchildren on Halloween.  I don't feel bad when your grandchildren all live within 3 blocks of each other, were all together on Halloween, but you couldn't come by and see them because "it's too far to drive."  So we're supposed to load up our kids, in costume, on Halloween, so they miss trick or treating, because you are too lazy?  No thanks.

I feel bad that my parents didn't see their grandchildren on Halloween for obvious reasons.

So as I've gotten older, my empathy has become more selective.  Or maybe, I just am tired of people's bullshit.

To infinity...and beyond! (And some fairy dust)

PJ had an awesome time trick or treating.  Maggie just wanted to eat all the candy.  We had a great Halloween.

I'll be back to my regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.  Hope you had a great Halloween!

Happy Halloween! (And a breaking and entering story)

I will have pics of Buzz and Tinkerbell tomorrow.  :)

On my post from last week, I talked about being choke when a guy broke into my room when I was 15.  A few people have told me to post about it, so in the spirit of scary, here's my story.

It was Labor Day weekend, 1995.  My bedroom was on the first floor of our house.  There'd been rumors of a Peeping Tom in the neighborhood.  A few days before this I swore I saw a face at my window, but my window was far enough off the ground that someone would need a chair to see in, so I blew it off.

Prior to this, I had had recurring dreams that someone was in my room, and I beat him in the head with my phone (my plug-into-the-wall phone, this was 1995 people).

I woke up around 3 in the morning.  I was facing the wall.  I rolled over and saw a man standing in my room, holding my Casio Keyboard.  He was frozen - shocked I woke up most likely.  For a minute, I thought it was my stepdad, for some reason.  After I realized it wasn't, I began screaming.  He dropped the keyboard, jumped on top of me, and wrapped his hands around my throat.

I kicked and punched him with everything I had.  I finally kicked him in the nuts and he went flying off of me.  He jumped out the window.

I screamed and screamed.  Finally, my grandfather (we lived with my grandparents at the time) woke up as I was running out of my room to get my mom and stepdad.  The police were called.  A chair was discovered outside my window.

He ended up taking some jewelry from my dresser.  That's all he got. I ended up getting it back a couple weeks later when the cops busted him for something completely unrelated, and they found it.  It turned out it was some gang initiation thing.

It took me a month or so to be able to sleep in my room again.  And I never, ever left my window open more than the safetly locks let me.

What I've done.

I don't normally do these writing prompts.  But I was intrigued by this one, first, because it's 22 things you have done, and PJ was born on the 22nd, and second, because I think it's a cool thing.

So here goes.

I'm 32 years old and....

1.  I have laughed so hard I've peed in my pants.  Many times.

2.  I have realized that having a shitty childhood has propelled me into ensuring my kids' childhood is fantastic.

3.  I have married my best friend and the love of my life.

4.  I have lost a baby and experienced heartache like nothing I've ever felt before.

5.  I watched my favorite, most loved, best dog I ever had or will have die on my kitchen floor.

6.  I have walked down the beach in Maui holding hands with my husband.

7.  I have given birth to two wonderful children, and now watch two pieces of my heart walk around outside my body.

8.  I have known and continue to know what it is to have true friends.

9.  I've been choked by someone who broke into my bedroom at night.

10.  I have gone to 4 Bears games, all of which they've won (I think that's a sign).

11.  I have seen my husband become a man.  When his father died, he became a man unlike anyway he was before.  He became a rock, a symbol of strength, for his sister, his family.  As much as his heart hurts, I've never been more proud of him.

12.  I have had a child repeatedly vomit all over me and not cared at all, because all I wanted was for him to feel better.

13.  I've cried because I couldn't figure out why my baby girl was so upset when I laid her down.

14.  I've learned that losing someone unexpectedly and suddenly is terribly hard and a horrible loss, but waiting everyday for someone to die, watching them wither away, is much, much harder.

15.  I've discovered that the smile I get from PJ and Maggie when I pick them up from day care is the best part of my day. 

16.  I've seen true love in action. 

17.  I have never worn makeup in my life, except for the plays I was in in high school.

18.  I've learned to make my grandmother's and mom's gravy (spaghetti sauce for you non-Italians) but I've also always known it will NEVER taste as good as theirs.

19.   I have had part of my kidney removed due to kidney stones.  I have an eight inch scar.  Kidney stones are worse than giving birth.  I promise.

20.  I've loved with my whole heart, but I've also hated with my whole soul.

21.  I had the perfect wedding and I wouldn't change anything about it.

22.  I have made a family, out of the love I have for my husband, and he for me, and the love we have for our children.  No matter what else happens in life, I will always have my happinesses.

PYHO: Cruel and Unusual Punishment

I read something on Facebook the other day.  It was something along the lines of "I pretend to sympathize with my friends when they complain about fighting with their mothers, when I wish I had a mother around to fight with."

Technically, my mother is still here.

Well, her body is.

I would give ANYTHING to have an argument with her.  To get exasperated with her, to complain to John about how annoying she is.

I'd give anything to call her and tell her that PJ said water last night.

I'd give anything to have her come over Saturday night to baby-sit.

I'd give anything to have her sign my birthday card.  Or come to my kids' birthday parties.  Or send me an email. 

To hear her say she loves me.

To have her hug me back.

To have a girls day where we go to lunch, and to the spa, and shopping.

To have her make me egg salad.

I wish she knew that PJ loves bananas.

I wish she knew that Maggie loves grapes.

I wish she knew that PJ loves Buzz, Cars, trains, and dinosaurs.

I wish she knew that Maggie says hi, bye, ma, da, and mine.

I wish I would have known sooner that the last years she'd be alive would be cruel and unrelentless.  That they would consist of her being trapped in a body that doesn't work, unable to speak, eat, move or enjoy any part of life.

I wish I could bring myself to go see her more.  I wish it didn't make me so depressed, so sad, so helpless that I would rather not see her.

I wish I could help my stepdad.  He is overwhelmed.  He won't get hospice since she won't accept that she needs it.  I worry everyday something would happen to him.

I wish she would die so I could finish mourning her properly.  So she could no longer be in pain.  Be suffering be miserable.

It's the worst disease I've ever seen.  It's cruel and heartless.  It affects not only the patient, but everyone who loves them.

Every time I see her, she has withered away a little more.  And every time I see her, I think it can not be possible for her to look or get worse.  And I am proven wrong every time.

Carve any pumpkins lately?

John loves carving pumpkins, and this year, PJ was VERY happy to help Daddy carve his Buzz Lightyear pumpkin.



PJ very intently helping Daddy with the outline of Buzz.

At some point, PJ decided watching Daddy do the carving was boring, so he ended up "carving" his own mini pumpkin by repeatedly poking it with one of the carving tools that he promised to be careful with.

\

It's so awesome to see my husband and my little guy sharing this together.  Just hanging out, starting a tradition that no doubt Maggie will start participating in next year.  I didn't have many family traditions as a kid, and I don't want PJ and Maggie to feel that way when they are older.  This is the first of many, many traditions we have started and will continue to start.

And in case you were wondering, here's the finished product:

John's pretty awesome.  :)

Breweries aren't just for Beer Drinkers

So we went to Goose Island Brewery on Saturday with six of our friends to celebrate John's and our friend Jim's birthdays.

For those of you that don't know, Goose Island is a Brewery operated here in Chicago.  (Yes, they were just merged with Anehauser Busch, but they still brew their own beer in the breweries here in Chicago).  Anyway, we went on a brew tour, then a tasting, and then ate dinner there.

I don't drink beer.  I think all beer tastes the same, but this was not my birthday celebration, plus someone had to drive the drunk beer drinkers home.  However, Goose Island also makes their own pop - Root Beer, Cream Soda, Orange Cream Soda, Grape, etc.

Now.  I was fully planning on getting a Root Beer and a Cream Soda of some kind.  Then I saw this on the menu:

The O:  Orange Cream Soda with Malibu Rum and Vanilla Stoli

Um, I'm sorry.  Did you just make ORANGE CREAM SODA alcoholic?

Sign me up.

It was DELICIOUS.  Unfortunately, I could only have one since I was driving, but WOW.

Then.   THEN. 

They had hot pretzels.  Um.  They had a cheddar jalapeno pretzel with cheese sauce.  OH MY GOD.  If we ever go back, I will order two of those and it will be my MEAL. 

So, if you are ever in Chicago, go to Goose Island if you like beer.  And if you don't like beer, go and get The O and a pretzel.

PRETZEL UPDATE!!!

I JUST FOUND OUT THE PRETZELS IN QUESTION ARE KIM & SCOTT'S GOURMET PRETZELS.  Which you can buy in your local grocer's freezer!!!

I'm going today!!!!!!