Stop being a Scrooge

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Christmas is less than two weeks away. 

I'm excited.  I love Christmas. I can't wait to see my kids faces when they come downstairs Christmas morning.  I can't wait to have our first holiday in our new home.

There's something magical about Christmas.  Christmas Eve, even more so.  The anticipation.  The decorations.  The chatting, the family, the friends.  The Christmas tree.

It makes me sad when people are negative about Christmas.

"Ugh, Christmas is going to be here so soon."

"I can't wait till Christmas is over."

"Don't even talk to me about Christmas."

Why?  Why are you so against this wonderful time of year? Did something terrible happen to you on Christmas once?  Are you holding resentment, anger, hurt because of the holiday?

Then I hear the people who are annoyed because they "have to spend time with my family."

This is my first Christmas without my mom. 

My mom loved Christmas.  She loved buying gifts, she loved decoration, she loved wearing festive, sparkly shirts.  She spent way too much money.  She did way too much.  She loved it.  There were 17 containers of indoor decorations in her basement.  Probably about 10 in the garage for outdoor decorations.  It was her favorite time of year.

My heart breaks that she will not be spending Christmas with me this year.  That I haven't gotten to hear her excitement over the gift she got me, that she wants to tell me, but that she will wait.  How much fun she had shopping for PJ and Maggie.  And her asking for help when finding something online.

I had 32 wonderful Christmases with my mom.  She taught me the spirit of the season, the spirit of giving.  She taught me how to make Christmas amazing for my own kids.

So enjoy your time with your family.  Appreciate them in all their craziness.  And family isn't always blood.  Whoever your family is, be grateful you can spend Christmas with them.

Merry Christmas in heaven Mom.

The Right Time.

People are always talking about the "right time" to do things. 

The right time to tell a secret.

The right time to say I love you.

The right time to get married.

The right time to have kids.

I have a dear, dear friend, who's struggling with the "right time" to have kids idea.  She's an amazing person, a fantastic friend, and I have no doubt she will be a phenomenal mother.

I gave her a piece of advice today.   Our friendship is not a mushy mushy one.  We are close; part of our draw to each other was our sarcasm, our mutual annoyance for things, and our fierce loyalty to our friends.  But I told her this:

 You're never going to be ready. There's never going to be a perfect time, a perfect moment. Babies change everything, but they make you look at life differently. They make you love your husband differently. And they make you feel differently. It's the most amazing thing in the world, and there's no good reason to delay that.

To which she replied something along the lines of "bitch, why you gotta make me cry?  That was beautiful."  (paraphrased, because what she actually said is for my eyes only. ;))

I feel like I've aged 20 years in the past 5.  I've loved so much; I've also lost. 

I'd be nothing today without my kids.  My kids were the ones who got me through the hard times.  The ones who could make me smile when I felt like I couldn't go on.  The ones who made me get out of bed in the morning, and the ones, if even only for a minute, could make me forget the sadness.  Forget the pain.  Forget the loss.

My mom waited for the right time to do a lot.  She would tell me that she and my stepdad were finally going to go to Italy one day, when the time was right.  That she'd get a Movado watch, when it was the right time. 

She ran out of time.  She didn't know this would happen, of course.  But she did.  She was the strongest woman I have ever known and she battled her illness with everything she had.  But the one thing she couldn't battle was the loss of time.

We need to stop waiting for the right time.  If you love someone, tell them.  If you have a secret you need help with, tell someone.  If you want to be a mother, be one.  Don't wait.

The right time is the time when it happens.

Rudolph

I have no idea where she gets it...

This morning.

Me:  Come on guys, let's go upstairs.

Maggie, hands shaking back and forth, then on hips:  Wait, wait, wait.  Sighs exhasperatedly.

The attitude this little one has.

No idea where she gets it.

Oh. 

PJ is having trouble understanding the concept of an advent calendar.

PJ:  Mom, I open another chocolate?

Me:  No baby, we do ONE a day.

PJ: Oh.

Five seconds later.

PJ:  Mommy, I open another chocolate NOW??

Me:  No baby tomorrow.

PJ:  Oh.

Move on to the chimney we have where you take out a stick a day, and Santa slowing gets closer and closer to the fireplace.

PJ:  Mommy, I make Santa come into the fireplace?

Me:  No sweetie, just one a day, tomorrow.

PJ:  Mommy, I take another number NOW?

Me:  Sigh.

It's gonna be a long month.