I'm a huge slacker.

Whoa.  Sorry peeps.  Lots of stuff being going on.

I'm 35 weeks pregnant -- well almost, on Saturday I will be -- 35 & 35.    I have less than 20 days of work since I have decided that October 7 is my last day no matter what.  I can SEE PJ's molars  He's sleeping in a big boy bed.  He loves it.

The big boy bed was seriously the best thing ever.  PJ has been waking up and refusing to go back in his crib for almost two months now.   Since he'd happily and quickly go back to sleep in my arms, on the couch, in our bed, on his Sesame Street sofa, I had a hunch it was the crib.  I mean, would you want to wake up because your foot got stuck in a slat, or you felt like you were in a cage?

His first night in it was Tuesday, and he went down easily.  Only took about 6 or 7 minutes before he was fast asleep.  He woke up once about 4:15, just due to his teeth -- he would not stop grabbing at his mouth, and I went and rubbed his back a bit and just laid with him for about 25 minutes, then back to sleep.

Last night, he STTN.   I had to wake him up (which I loathe, but at least it provides a super easy diaper change, since he is still half asleep).

All of this was much easier because we got carpeting in the kids' rooms, so if he did fall out, he'd fall onto soft carpet, instead of hardwood floor.  There are rails, so I doubt he'd fall off, more likely he'd just get out of bed. :)

All in all, big boy beds are the way to go.  :)

Miss Maggie is putting some pressure on my cervix, my bladder, kicking me in the ribs, all the good stuff.  I am so ready to meet her and get the hell out of here that I can hardly stand that I have another month.   But she can't come before October 2 - because that is her Daddy's 30th birthday party!

Much love to my happinesses.

Climbing

PJ is a climber.  He will climb anything.  Furniture, chairs, shoes, toys, ANYTHING.  His latest thing is to push the stepstool over to the chair, couch, etc., and climb up it so he can up on the chair or couch.  Yesterday he used his drum to get on the glider.  This is gonna be fun.  He is so proud when he gets up there too.  Just sits there like a big boy.  

I love that he's more independent in the world of transportation.  I hated when people would be all "Oh you'll hate when he starts walking and getting into everything." Um.  STFU.  Do you know how much EASIER it is to have a child that is mobile on his own?   A child that can walk over to you, or come to you when you ask him to?  This is wonderful!   Plus it will be very helpful that he's independent when his little brother or sister (we're still leaning towards brother) comes to town.

I did the pee test.  Boy was that 24 hours of annoying.   But it's done, and I dropped off my pee in all its glory and got my blood taken and that's over.  So the next annoying thing is the glucose test, in 6 weeks or so.   But the next exciting thing is the ultrasound to find out once and for all if Twig has a twig.

You're not cool unless you poop in the tub.

I've heard the stories.  My best friend Kristine's poop stories are legendary.  LEGENDARY.   But it hadn't happened to us.   That is, until last night.

We are in full swing daily bath season, because PJ being a typical boy, is filthy by the time the day is done.  Which is fine with me, because he's having fun, and really that is all that matters.  So the past two nights, before getting in the tub, my naked baby peed on me.  It's not the first time, it won't be the last time, but peed on me nonetheless.  So last night, when getting him ready for the bath, I said, "Don't pee on Mommy tonight!"  I should have known.

We get in the tub and all is well.  PJ's swimming around, playing, enjoying himself.  Suddenly, he stops swimming and just is sitting there on all fours.  I think nothing of it.  All of a sudden I look, and like the baby ruth floating in the water in Caddyshack, there's poop.  Two pieces. 

"OH MY GOD!! PJ!""  I yelled.  I grabbed him out of the water, and BURST out laughing.

John comes running in.  "What happened?"

"PJ pooped in the tub!"  Mind you this entire time, PJ is clutching his foam letter L (so nice, was that for Mommy buddy) and smiling.

I could. not. stop. laughing.  I laughed the entire time I got PJ dressed, the entire time I scooped the poop out of the tub, and the entire time I rinsed the tub down.  Luckily, it was not much poop and it didn't do much damage at all.

Ah motherhood.   You never think, "One day, I'm gonna be scooping shit out of my bathtub."

I love you PJ.

And if you are wondering, I got the poop out by putting a baggie on my hand and scooping it.  Good times.

PIMPing.

And no, I am not talking about whoring out women.  I am talking about peeing in my pants.  Yes.   Unfortunately, one of my lasting (I fear permanent) side effects of having a baby is that if I sneeze, cough, or laugh too hard, a little pee comes out.  So I pee in my pants.  It's lots of fun.  It's especially fun when I already HAD to pee, so more comes out than it should, and I either have to change my panties, or try to blow dry them if I don't have opportunity to change my panties.

It's really lots of fun.  Really.   I guess I should of done Kegels, or whatever the fuck, but I was peeing enough as it WAS -- wasn't that enough use of those muscles to strengthen my shit up or whatever the fuck?  Seriously though.  

So I would say I probably PIMP on a daily basis, and it's especially fun on days where I forget to wear a pantyliner.

This has been a Public Service Announcement by LOG.

P.S.  Probably the only blog you'll see that talks about peeing in your pants.

Boys will be Boys

So PJ has bruises on his leg, the side of his eye, his head.  I don't worry though.  He's a BOY!  Boys do things like this and he never cries for more than a second, and I know he's having fun, and figuring out his world and learning.

He's also discovered his penis.  Yes that's right.  Every time the little weiner is exposed BAM!  Playing, pulling, tugging, CRACKING UP about it.  It's actually quite amusing.   The joy of playing with your penis starts young apparently.  He's also discovered he wants to play with the baby in the mirror (him).  He waves to himself, laughs.  It's really fucking adorable actually.

I'm 15 weeks pregnant.  I feel like this is taking FOREVER.  I have a doctor appointment on Thursday, and I feel like my last one was MONTHS ago.  I realize come October I am going to be saying how fast it went and all that jazz, but right now it is DRAGGING.  I feel flutters here and there, no major kicks or anything yet though.   I am really anxious to find out if it's a boy or girl (I think it's a boy, but still).  I feel like I can't really buy anything till we know -- which is dumb because most of what we need is stuff we'll get gender neutral anyway, except for clothes.  But I feel like if we buy it ahead of time it will be weird.  I really don't know why.

And now..

The Peri Bottle

I mentioned the peri bottle in an earlier post, but now I am going to give it rightful place in the things you will love after you give birth.
The peri bottle probably holds about 6-8 ounces of water and is squeezable with a top like a water bottle that you pop up to drink out of.  They will give this to you (or they should) immediately before you pee the first time after you give birth.  You will fill the bottle with warm (as warm as you can stand) water.   Then, after you pee, you will squirt the gloriousness of this warm water all over your vagina, lips, etc.  Because you want to clean any gunk off there (read:  blood) and make sure you don't get an infection because THAT would suck.

Use all the water.  Why not? It feels good, and you don't really want to be wiping at this time, no matter how angel soft your toliet paper might be.  Use it until you have stopped bleeding for a week, and until wiping doesn't sound like you might die if you do it. And keep it around -- you might never know what else it would be good for.

Spaghetti is a good morning snack.

At least it is when you are pregnant.  Because who's gonna tell you NOT to eat spaghetti at 10 a.m.?

PJ walked all the way from his room to the front door this morning (holding mama's hand, of course).   He's so close, he just needs to have a little more confidence in himself, I think.   He also loves strawberries (not sure how those two things are related, they probably are not).

I hate that lately I am consumed with HATING that I can't be home with him.  It's really bothering me lately, and I am not sure why it is bothering me SO MUCH so OFTEN.  It's always bothered me, but it's all I can think about while I am at work these few weeks.  Is it because it's nicer out?  Or because he's having so much fun playing now?  I don't know, but I do know that I hate it with a passion.  Damn women's lib.   I would be perfectly happy cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the kids while John made the money.   Guess we're gonna have to win that $252 million powerball.

I think, because it's all I can really do, is that after maternity leave is over, I am going to start looking for a job in the burbs.  In the Oak Brook/Downers Grove/Burr Ridge area.  I don't want a raise.  I want to be able to leave the house at 745 for a job that starts at 8:30, and be home by 5 for a job I get out of at 4:30.  I want to be able to leave at 3 p.m. and not wait for 30 minutes for a train, instead being home in 30 minutes.  I'd even be willing to take a small paycut if it meant no more commuting by train and waiting for bullshit.   I'd have to pay K&E back some tuition reimbursement most likely, but not too much.  We'd figure it out.  I might actually not apply for any more after this quarter so the amount I have to pay back would be minimal -- only like $1000.  Which sucks, but would be worth it to be gone from 745 to 5 instead of 7 to 530.

Today's edition of what happens after the baby comes out.

The first time you pee.
Okay, so my only experience with this is after having an epidural.    You won't really be able to stand/walk on your own.   So hopefully your husband will help you to the bathroom, which is hopefully not that far away.  The nurse will most likely have handed him a peri bottle  (a small bottle that you fill with warm water with a squirty top -- remember this, it will become your new love) filled with hot water, a huge pad, and some -- wait for it -- mesh panties (more on that stuff later, this is strictly about peeing).

When you go to sit down to pee, you will be instructed to take the bottle and squirt it all over your vagina, the lips, etc -- don't TOUCH it, just squirt.  It will feel WONDERFUL.  Maybe even a little orgasmic. Don't wipe.  The water is enough.  You don't want to wipe.   What you need to be ready for though, is what you will see (and what your husband will see) when you stand up.

There's going to be A LOT of blood in that toilet.  A LOT.  Like  I-just-killed-a-small-animal-over-the-toilet amount of blood.  This is TOTALLY normal.  Don't freak out.  Your after peeing toilet bowl is going to look like this for AWHILE.  Some will probably drip down your leg.  Have your husband  wipe this up for you.  He just saw you give birth, he can handle this.

7 weeks, 3 days.

Stomach bile does NOT TASTE GOOD.   In the slightest.  It's definitely not one of the tastes you like to have lingering in your mouth.  And for those of you who are still reading, let me give you a run through of my mornings during this blessed 1st trimester.

5:30 a.m.  John's alarm goes off.  PJ might or might not be up.  If he isn't, I go pee and then I stay in bed.  If he is, I go pee, get him and we lay in bed and cuddle till John is down showering.

5:50 a.m.  John comes back upstairs after his shower.  If PJ is with me, we go downstairs, change diaper, make daddy's lunch, nurse.  If not, I go downstairs and make daddy's lunch.  And I go pee.

Approximately 6:00 - 6:15 a.m.  The urge to vomit because severe.  Kneel by the toilet.  Cough a couple times.  Dry heave.  Produce bile.  Yummy.  (During this time, John also leaves for work and PJ is probably in his jumperoo watching Blue's Clues or still sleeping).

Immediately following the bile:  Brush teeth.  Hard. Go pee.

6:15 a.m. -- till the rest of the day.  Continue to feel nauseous.  Except while eating.  But can't eat 24/7.

By the way, today we are craving Mexican.  So I had it for lunch and I am having it for dinner.  Mexican has been my craving a lot lately.

Did I mention I have to go pee?