I've been kind of asshole again.
To the person I love most.
I need to stop and realize that I have a fantastic husband. That my actions are causing him hurt, pain and to not want to be around me.
I know this, but for some reason, I can't completely stop. I get better and then I relapse.
I don't want to go into detail. I just want to stop. I want to be nice, sweet, and loving. I want to show him how much he means to me, how much I love him, how important he is to me, and how much he is the best part of my life besides the kids (which is a total different kind of love, as you moms know).
I'm starting today. I'm vowing today. To make our marriage better. To make him feel the way I should be making him feel.
I feel like a total asshole. And I should. But he shouldn't any longer.
Assholeism is hard. And it's been plaguing my house as well. I do get what you mean about wanting to be better, nicer, and the work it takes. Because on one hand you know you love your husband but there's the other hand that wants to slap him (sometimes for no good reason). All I can say is try to stay in the moment, think before you react (ha! if that ain't easier said than done, nothing is), and be cognizant of your words. I think eventually it'll work, just let him know you are actively trying.
ReplyDeleteI think I tend to be an asshole to my husband b/c I feel safe with him. I *know* I can totally freak out on him and he'll still love me. So, he gets my worst.
ReplyDeleteNot right, but it happens.
I like Husband too much to treat him worse than the people i hate. Whenever I hear myself getting snippy with him, I try to take a step outside our marriage and think about how I'd kick someone else's ass if they spoke to him like that. It really puts it in perspective.
ReplyDeleteAt least you're acknowledging it. But, you also have a lot on your plate with your mom and all. Doesn't make it right, but it makes it understandable.
ReplyDeleteHey it happens to us all...we some times let the little things drive us crazy and forget the big picture!
ReplyDeleteAll we can do is change ourselves and try a little harder.
ReplyDeleteThe good thing is you're aware of it. That's a HUGE step!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the turning of the new leaf. It's tough. Hubs is always there, knows pretty much everything, and isn't going anywhere any time soon. Sometimes he's just an easy target to lash out at. It's OK to forgive yourself a bit - he probably already has :)
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with the changes you want to make! Exhaustion makes me an a-hole...I don't even want to be around myself!
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