This particular weekend isn't usually a great weekend for us.
In 2009, John's best friend's dad died the Friday of MLK weekend.
In 2010, John's dad was admitted to the hospital again.
In 2011, John's dad died -- the Friday of MLK weekend.
We celebrated my father-in-law's life with a remberance party on Saturday at my SIL's house. We had all his favorite foods. Friends, family gathered. We did shots. We watched football.
I have no doubt he was smiling down on us.
Due to the ominous things that have occurred this weekend, I had a feeling that we were going to lose my mom this weekend. Maybe not this weekend, but I was on edge about it.
Two people in her life told me on Thursday about dreams they had about her.
In one, she went into the ocean and started getting better. Told her friend she had contemplated suicide, but knew she had to just fight ALS for a little while longer and they would have a cure.
In the other, she was climbing out of an apartment window onto a fire escape. There was a lot of people around, most of them her former boss never knew. He kept telling her to be careful, and she kept saying, "Don't worry, I'm fine."
I'm not really superstitious, but these dreams seemed telling to me.
They still do.
I want her to be at peace, I want her suffering to end.
But I am not at all prepared for it.
That is pretty crazy that two people had dreams about her. I hope you and her find the peace you both need!
ReplyDeleteWow -all just crazy and so much. Not a good weekend.
ReplyDeleteThere is no preparation for loss. Nothing can prepare you for something that you yearn for (peace for your mother) at the same time as being the thing that you are most scared of (being without your mother). There is no preparation...
ReplyDeleteI hate to be this person, but have you considered counseling? I don't believe the human soul is built to handle this sort of situation alone. We need coping mechanisms to make it through and continue to function. Just a thought...love ya!
I can see why you felt unsettled this past weekend, in light of all the sad events that have surrounded the holiday in the past.
ReplyDeleteThere's no way you can ever prepare for the loss of a loved one, even if you are expecting it sooner than later. You just have to be sure everything you want to say is said, everything you want to do is done. Make your peace with it. It's difficult.
Oh honey, what a hard, hard weekend this must be for your whole family. I'm sorry. And as always, sorry for your mom's pain. And yours.
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