I've been a negative person for awhile.
I always assume my husband means the worst when he says something, I take it to the extreme, I get bitchy, he gets mad, we fight. Repeat.
I want to stop.
So I thought maybe if I said all the negative things that have happened to me or us since we've been together (six years last week) and get them all out of my head, it will help. So this might be a boring chronological timeline of bad things, but I need to stop being so god damned bitchy and I am willing to try anything.
August 10, 2005 -- John's Grandma passes away.
September 27, 2006 -- (My golden birthday ) -- My parents can't come to celebrate because my stepdad has a serious blood clot in his leg and needs surgery.
2007 was a relatively good year, except for in March of that year, my FIL lost his job. We also got married this year so that was awesome of course.
January 2008 -- my mom's hand starts acting up. We think it's nothing.
February 2008 --FIL has quadruple bypass surgery.
June 28, 2008 - I have a miscarriage.
September 2008 -- Mom's hand is getting worse, foot starting to get affected. Still think it's just some weird thing.
February 1, 2009 -- Our dog, the greatest dog to ever live, Neo, passes away suddenly and too soon. He wasn't even six years old.
May 27, 2009 -- my mom is diagnosed with ALS.
June 25, 2009 -- my mom can no longer work.
2010 -- nothing of significance but lots of problems with FIL's health, my mom getting progressively worse. Maggie is born and my parents can't come to the hospital, they don't even meet her till she is 3 weeks old.
January 14, 2011 -- John's dad passes away.
Since then, my mom's health has deteroriated drastically, which is to be expected.
I used to be a happy, nice, sweet person. And somehow, I stopped being that person to the one person who deserves it most, my husband.
I don't blame him for being pissed or mad. I get upset at the things he does and the way he acts after I do this to him, but what is he supposed to do? Just sit there and take it?
No.
So I am pledging, here for all of you to read that I must STOP. I must be the happy, nice and sweet person. Because yes, a LOT of shitty stuff has happened to us. Yes, my mother has the worst disease I can think of. But I have two amazing kids and a husband who loves me.
And THAT is what I need to focus on.
look, i'm going to be honest here. sure focusing on the kids and the H are great but you DESERVE to let go of some of the absolute shit that you have to carry with you on a daily basis. if you don't let out that negativity, it's going to EXPLODE one day. i think you and the H need to be a little more forgiving to the negativity right now.
ReplyDeleteYou've gone through a lot.
ReplyDeleteBut, I'm happy for you that you want to make a change and be happier. I'm working on this. B/c I'm realizing that my bad attitude doesn't help anything.
It seems like you've gone through a lot, and it's hard to be positive in the face of adversity, but it's important to try, I think. Sometimes you'll just be negative, but if you give yourself the chance to be positive and "happy" it may make it all easier, it did for me in any case.
ReplyDeleteIf you've got time and are so inclined read this: http://moomser.blogspot.com/2011/04/it-is-what-it-is.html
Hope it helps!
Oh Lisa!!
ReplyDeleteI think that we were meant to find each other today!
You read my post this morning about how my mom lost her mom when she was 6 months old.
What I didn't put in that post was that she then lost her sister (who raised her from that point) about 17 years ago to ALS..
You going through what you're going through is more than anyone should ever have to endure, and I don't think you should have to explain yourself to anyone..
Take the time that you need for yourself.. everyone that loves you will understand!
Sending big hugs...
Wow that has been a lot- a lot of major things. But could for you for trying to make a change. Something I try and do is think of my husband as a gift- think of Christmas morning you don't run down open presents excitedly just to turn around and say- well I don't like this about the present and this is annoying too.. So why do we do that to the people in our lives?
ReplyDeleteI think everybody has a little bit of negativeness - even Steve Wonder. That is what keep us on our toes of what can be a realistic thought vs a dream. However, when it hurts or damage relationships then we need to look at it closely.
ReplyDeleteI was a predisposed negative person. I was risen by one so I was programmed to immediately go to that side of the brain. My husband was the exact opposite. We had big ugly fights at the beginning, but we both WANTED to work on the relationship so my husband said he was going to be more tolerant but at the same time letting me know when I was set in a bad place.
Slowly started to work. I was becoming more conscious of this negativity by constructive criticism I would say. But there is a price, with me being more conscious of my behavior I developed social anxiety. While I fix one problem, I created another one.
So, 5 years ago, I started working on my anxiety and I am finally good. I really suggest you keep working on it and try to find some cognitive behavioural groups that can help you face the deep reasons of your negativity, it pays off.
Considering all that you and your husband have been through, all the more reason you need to work as a team and support and help each other. Going through hard times is not an excuse to be nasty, especially to the person you have chosen to share your life with. Would you consider marital counseling?
ReplyDeleteYou're brave to actually admit this. You've been through so much that you do have a right once in a while to be mad. I don't blame you. But yes, it is healthy and a great plan to focus on the positive. We'll help keep you in check. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou have been through a lot...and it's not easy to cope with all this. I am proud of you for seeing the positive in your life and that you are trying to focus on that!
ReplyDeleteWow...when you lay it out like that, it's no wonder that you're not happy, nice and sweet all the time. That's more than the human soul is built to handle on its own...I'm a big believer in therapy...any chance you could fit that in somewhere?
ReplyDeleteIf not, I think making a conscious decision like this is definitely worth it. It's remembering it in the most difficult/bitchy times that's hard. I wish you all the luck in the world...I've gotten myself through some pretty shitty situations through positive thought and the decision on how I want to live my life. It's a decision that I made every single day...I will be happy...it ain't as easy as it sounds!