PYHO: Judgment Days

I was always a bit judgmental.

It exploded when I became a mom.  I noticed the same for my friends.

Everyone has their own ideas of what kids should be doing when.  At what age.  How well they should do it.  How the mom should parent.

Once you become a mom, you judge your very best friends who are moms.  You discuss other moms with them, sometimes mutual friends.

I was thinking about this at 3 this morning when I was carrying PJ into our bed.

He wakes up pretty much every night between 2-3 a.m.  I'll lay with him in his bed and get him to fall back asleep.  Most of the time, he wakes again 20 minutes later, and by the time I get downstairs to his room, he's standing, holding Handy Manny, with a sad look on his face. So I scoop him up and bring him into our bed for the rest of the night.

I've justified this by saying otherwise I won't hear Maggie when she wakes up (which is true).  I've justified this by saying it's only a few hours of the night, that he spends the majority of the night in his own bed.  But for some reason, this time, I thought of how my BFF would disapprove.  Many of you probably would too.

See, she's never let her kids in her bed.  She's also never been affected when having them cry it out.  Her kids sleep well and go to bed (usually) without fuss.  Which is great.

For her.

For me?  Yes, I love the nights where PJ sleeps all the way through, or doesn't wake back up.  But I also love the way he melts into me when I pick him up.  The contented sigh as he puts his head on my shoulder.  The way he snuggles up against me and holds my hand while he drifts off to sleep, comforted knowing he's safe between mommy and daddy.

And while it would bug me that other people care about this -- I mean it doesn't affect them, so why the hell does it matter?  I judge my own friends for the same kinds of things.

Like my good friend who still gives her 2 year old a bottle of milk before bed, and who's bedtime is 11 p.m.

Why do I care?  She knows she needs to stop the bottle.  And the 11 p.m. bedtime works for her family -- she's a restaurant manager and her husband is a cop.  And her son sleeps till 10 a.m.  So why does this matter to me?

Or another dear friend who has no schedule for her kids at all?  then complains about it?   That's why I judge that one.  Don't complain about it when the fact that your kids have never had a bedtime routine and have no idea when they are supposed to be winding down for bed.  But otherwise, this doesn't affect me.

I'm never going to stop judging.  It's human nature.  But I'm going to try to stop judging the things that aren't the way they are "supposed" to be.  Sure you're kids are supposed to be off a bottle before 18 months, supposed to sleep in their own beds, supposed to sit at the table and eat like well behaved kids.

But all of these moms that I judge?  Their kids are loved.  Immensely.  Without question.  Without hesitation, without waiver.  Unconditionally. 

Even if they sleep in our beds.  Or have a bottle before bed.