PYHO: Empathy

I think that I am a very caring, sympathetic, and empathetic person.   I'll do anything for the people I care about.

But lately, (let's face it, for the past few years) I've found myself not being empathetic to people when they are seeking pity or are upset about a situation that they had control over.

I have a friend who desperately wants to become a mom.  She tried to get pregnant on her own.  She tried IUIs.  She's now doing IVF.  She had her egg retrieval and it wasn't as successful as it could be.  There's still a chance, but it's not the BEST it could be.

I feel terrible for her.  I feel terrible that someone who wants a child so badly, who deserves a child, who would be a wonderful mother, is having so much trouble. 

Then I have a friend - an old friend - who just had her second child (11.5 years after her first).  A friend who got pregnant on purpose with a boyfriend who didn't want kids, who refuses to accompany her to events like weddings, and who basically is doing nothing for the child.  She wanted to get pregnant because "all of us are getting pregnant and having babies."  This is NOT the reason to have a child.  I don't feel bad for her that he doesn't help, because she knew he wouldn't.  Do I think he's a douche bag?  Sure.  But I don't feel bad for her.

Some people aren't meant to be parents.  Some of these people know that and choose not to get pregnant and take steps to ensure there is no oops.  Some of these people keep having children, either because they are idiots that can't use birth control or because there is some other reason I can't fathom.

Some people think they aren't meant to be parents, then they have a child and can't believe they ever thought that.

I don't feel bad for my MIL because she didn't see her grandchildren on Halloween.  I don't feel bad when your grandchildren all live within 3 blocks of each other, were all together on Halloween, but you couldn't come by and see them because "it's too far to drive."  So we're supposed to load up our kids, in costume, on Halloween, so they miss trick or treating, because you are too lazy?  No thanks.

I feel bad that my parents didn't see their grandchildren on Halloween for obvious reasons.

So as I've gotten older, my empathy has become more selective.  Or maybe, I just am tired of people's bullshit.