Sometimes, I don't want to be positive.

I was chatting with a good friend today, who is in a similar situation with her mom as I am. She is one of the few people who I feel really understands what I am going through. She made me feel better because she understood what I meant when I said I don't always want to be positive and happy. Sometimes, I don't want to "focus on the positive" or "think of the happy times." Sometimes, I need to be real. People think saying those things make you feel better, or will help cheer you up. In reality, denying what's happening doesn't make the sickness go away. It doesn't change what's happening to you or your loved one.

Sometimes I want people to be REAL AND TRUTHFUL. Don't tell me it's gonna be okay. It's not. Don't tell me not to think about the bad stuff. I will. That doesn't HELP. If you don't know what to say, say you're sorry. Say it sucks and is unfair that we have to go through this bullshit. Don't tell me to focus on the happy times. That makes it worse. Because then I feel BAD that I am not positive 100% of the time. And I shouldn't have to feel bad that I am sad, pissed off, and scared out of my ever loving mind.

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate all the kind words. But please. Sugar coating only works for cookies and candy.