PYHO: Dear Maggie

Dear Maggie,

Hi baby girl.  I don't know if you'll ever actually read this. 

It's been brought to my attention that it appears I favor your big brother over you.

I assure you this is not my intention.  I love your brother and you so very much.  There is no more love or less love.  It is a love so strong, so intense, so unbreakable, so unconditional.  I would die for either one of you.  I will do anything and everything to make your lives happy, safe, and to make you feel loved and cared for.

Your big brother is my first born.  He's the person who made me a mommy.  This is a very special thing.  And because of it, I will always feel that from him. 

But you, baby girl.  You my beautiful daughter.  You completed me being a mommy.  You made me feel complete, whole.  Like I'd finally achieved what the most important thing in my life would be -- to be a mommy not only to a son, but to a daughter.  To have a little girl who would become my best friend, who'd call me and chat with me for hours, have shopping dates.

Who I would try to teach how to be a good friend and a good person.  To be a good sister and daughter.   What your period is all about, and how to be safe when giving and receiving love from another person.  To hold you when you are scared, comfort you when you are sad, and celebrate with you when you are happy.

Sometimes, I might react more quickly or more concerned when your brother cries or hurts himself.  It's not because I care less that you hurt yourself.  It's not because I think you don't need my love or comfort.  I am not sure what it is.  But I have a guess.

I see myself in you.  The determination on your face.  The happiness in your giggle.  The toughness you exude.  The independence you have shown since you were a tiny, tiny newborn.  Your ability to recover from a fall or hurting yourself faster, quicker than your brother did at your age.   So maybe I don't react the way I do when you fall down and cry as I do when your brother does.  I'll never begrudge you hugs, kisses, and care.  It doesn't mean I favor him over you.  It means I know you, my beautiful daughter, are a fighter.  I know you will pick yourself up, dust yourself off (literally and figuratively), and keep going.  And I know sometimes, you need me to be there and hold you and wipe away your tears.   And I will always be there for that.  I will never turn you away.

So if it ever appears that I am giving more attention to your big brother, it's not intentional.  Boys take longer to gain their independence.  And you, my darling little girl, have already begun to show me that you will have the strength, the drive, the determination to stand on your own two feet.

But know, this, daughter of mine.  I will ALWAYS be there to pick you up.

I love you more than words can ever express,

Mommy