Goodbye, Mom

My mom lost her battle with ALS on Friday, February 24, 2012.

She fought it with everything she had.  She fought it till her very last breath.

It was a battle she had no chance of winning.

She is at peace now.  She is no longer suffering.  She is no longer a shell of the woman she used to be.  The woman she should still be.

She was taken from us too soon.  55 years old.  She never got to spoil her grandkids.  She never even got to hold her grandkids, save for one time when she held PJ.  She won't see him play in his first T-ball game.  She won't see Maggie's first dance recital.  She won't be there on their first day of school.  Their graduations, their birthdays, their weddings.

ALS is the worst fucking disease there is.  It claimed my mom's life in less than three years, but the damage it did before that was more.  Much more.  It not only claimed her life, it prevented her from doing anything enjoyable in the last years of her life.   It robbed of her ability to hug her loved ones.  The ability to tell us she loved us.

I've spent the past couple of years missing my mom.  Grieving the woman she was.  Wishing she would final stop suffering and be at peace.  And now she is.

The pain I feel is unexplainable.  The loss, void in my heart will never be filled.

But I will go on. I will be strong.  I will laugh, love, and live.

Because that's what she would have wanted me to do.

I miss you Mom.  You will be in my thoughts every day.  I will miss you every single day for the rest of my life.

I love you Mommy.  I always always will.