1. Sex.
The sex on tv and movies is always hot, intense, and ridiculously unrealistic. There's always sexual tension. Someone grabs someone and passionately kisses them. Perhaps they do it right there where they are; if not they kiss and grope each other all the way to a door, which one of them will desperately try to hope while maintaining the kiss/grope fest. Once inside, their clothes will start to come off - until the brief pause where they stop and look each other with those romantic eyes. Then the woman with wrap her legs around the man as he carries her to the bed, where the foreplay he will partake in will be unimaginable.
As desperate as I want to have sex like this, in reality, there's a couple minutes of foreplay, some making out, taking off your own clothes, and praying that the kids don't wake up.
2. The Romantic Proposal/Date/Anniversary.
First, hundreds and hundreds of candles, set up to burn perfectly and without any harm of starting anything on fire. Perhaps rose petals leading the person to the other. Maybe there's some sentimental photo book or video that the ridiculously romantic man has made for his beloved. Then there's an amazing speech and a sweet kiss.
How does the first candle not burn out by the time the last candle is lit??
3. Birth
Very pregnant woman -- most likely past her due date. Suddenly, her water breaks. There's a race to the car. Of course, there's traffic. The car will then be abandoned in the loading area of the ER, where of course, it will still be there once all is well and the baby has been born. The woman will undoubtedly grab her husband or break his hand.
I think something like 10% of women's water breaks before labor starts. Mine did with PJ, but that's rare. And we parked in the ER and walked into the ER like normal people. There's also this awesome thing called an epidural.
4. Work
Did you ever notice people are rarely at work unless the show is based on the workplace? I mean, I love Friends and I mean LOVE, but they were at the coffee house all hours of the day. Every now and then we'd see a scene with one of them at work, but for the love of god, can we have an episode where someone says "THANK GOD IT'S A THREE DAY WEEKEND?" I mean, we already know you make millions of dollars, can't you pretend your character works a normal job?
5. Kids/Babies
Birth of child is usually a season ending episode. Then we may see a couple more episodes with the baby. Then POOF! Where is the child? Who is watching the child? Are they good on their own? Do they just sleep and eat and are content not pulling things off shelves that can hurt them? And if a child is a regular on the show, the mom never seems to have any issues going anywhere without the kids. There's always a sitter or someone.
I'm sure there are more. And I tell you, of all of them? I really want #1.
These are so true! And yes the Friends crew was always at the coffee shop...I'm telling you they have the life!
ReplyDeleteThere is an episode of Friends when they're all sitting around the Coffee house lamenting how their bosses don't like them, and Joey says, "Maybe that's because you're all sitting around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday." At which point the all look guilty, pop up, and leave. That's as close as they get to acting like they work. Ha.
ReplyDeleteAnd yea, those are all true.
My water broke, too, which really surprised me because I had read the same statistic. Then I had a home birth which was NOTHING like TV.