Some of these people are sometimes friends of mine. Sometimes they are people who I communicate with simply out of nosiness. Either way, ready the forks.
1. The "I make profound quotes my FB status that are detailed enough that you have some idea what's going on, but vague enough that you don't really know" attention seeking whores on FB.
Here's a tip. If you want me (and the rest of FB) to know, spell it out. For example
"I'm so happy that I figured out how awesome flogging is" (thank you, 50 SOG).
2. The "I'm so annoyed that I have to pack for my fourth tropical vacation this year and my husband doesn't do anything to help me" hoity-toity co-worker/frenemy.
It's going to be more difficult for you to pack after I throat punch you.
3. The "I have so much money and can spend $300 on a pair of shoes once a week because I shop at Costco and bring my lunch to work every day, not because I'm rich."
Hey asshole.
It's because you are rich and the fact that you won't admit it makes you look like an even bigger asshole than you already are.
4. The "Ugh, I can't believe she's letting her kid scream like that. When I have kids, they will never do that" annoying bitch.
When you have kids, I'm gonna see your $300 puked on shoes and your Costco cart filled with diapers, and then I'm gonna point at you and laugh as your child wraps up your legs with the glorified dog leash you have attached to his waist.
5. People who love running. There's nothing wrong with them. I have plenty of friends who run. But unless someone is chasing me, I'm not running. And even then, if they don't have a weapon, I might just walk briskly.
6. People that can't drink tap water. Now, if you live somewhere where your tap water is nasty, fine. But I live in CHICAGO. We have some of the finest tap water in the world. Stop being an asshole.
7. The adults at the zoo that block the kids from seeing the animal. Guess what? If the 3 foot tall toddler stands in front of you, you can still see.
8. Whoever's idea it was to make red left turn arrows.
Ha ha nice to see you LOG! I do drink tap water but I have to say when we went to South Carolina the water tasted like dirt ha ha...not sure why but maybe b/c it's "the lowcountry" but seriously it smelled and tasted like dirt at the restaurant and at our condo. Oh and I don't run...just can't motivate myself to do that!
ReplyDeleteOh and I meant "the lowcountry" as in it's at sea level or ocean level whatever so I think it's impossible for them to get the dirt taste out LOL!
DeleteGotta agree with the tap water one. That bugs me. Bottled water and tap water taste the same to me. I'll take free water over water I have to pay for...thank.you.very.much.
ReplyDeleteWhen we lived in AZ I did not drink tap water as it was always hot and nasty. Anywhere else and yep definitely do. And yes everyone should have at least one time in their life that they deal with a screaming child as it happens to every kid at some point.
ReplyDeleteUmmm...I beg to differ. There IS something wrong with people who love to run! ;) (as Husband is running right now)
ReplyDeleteThere is a blog dedicated to "People I Want to Punch in the Throat." I think you'd get a kick out of it.