My last guest blogger is Emmy from Emmy Mom. I love Emmy's blog, and her stories of her three babes and all the cool DIY projects she does (that I would gladly pay her to do for me, because I am NOT crafty). She's also a fantastic photographer and if she still lived here in Chicago she would have my business. But sadly, she's moved away...but she misses us greatly....
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Sometimes you read a blog for a while only to one day discover something that you totally missed. This happened to me with Lisa's blog. And what did I miss? The fact that Lisa lives in Illinois- and not only in Illinois but in the Chicago area. My love for her immediately grew- as this is where I grew up and we all know Chicago is the best!
What you didn't know that? Well I will have to educate you as to why.
First Chicago is right in the middle of everything. (Not on the east coast like some kid my freshmen year of college tried to tell me) No one wants to be left out and on their own- we all like being in the middle of things- so score one for Chicago.
Second- Chicago weather has it all. Who wants California's constant sunshine? Who wants the mild temperatures of the upper west? Who wants the humidity of the deep south? Chicago has it all. The bone biting cold with negative 4o degree windchill, the scorching summer sun turning your grass a nice shade of brown. The sweet moist air that makes those bathroom hand dryers seem inoperable- as you can stand there all day and your hands will still be wet. I mean seriously- who wouldn't want all of that? And if you don't like the weather- well just wait five minutes as it changes that quickly in Chicago.
Third- Professional Sports- not only does Chicago have pro-football and pro-basketball teams, but we have TWO pro-baseball teams. So not only do you have your rivals from other states (i.e. Cheese-heads)- but you can totally hate your neighbor if they like the wrong team.
Fourth- Our accent-- we have none. Did you know that most TV newscasters nation wide speak with a Midwest accent- or lack there of. That southern drawl, that unforgettable Jersey tone, the California valley girl--who wants it. Go for absolutely plain and normal.
Fifth- Amazing politicians. Aside from one very prominent politician from Illinois (hint- state is called the Land of Lincoln). Illinois has produced so many stellar politicians. Including the SIX former governors who have been convicted of crimes-- technically two were acquitted. Oh and don't forget about all of the elections that have been won by dead people voting in Chicago! See aren't politicians from Illinois awesome!
Who wouldn't want to live in Illinois!?! Maybe I should give up my California sunshine and move back home.
Nah- I'll let Lisa keep it.
Disclaimer: This was written in fun- as Chicago is actually one of my all time favorite cities. And I really do love that Lisa is from there.
The O'Gs. No, not the Original Gangstas. But close.
Showing posts with label guest post. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guest post. Show all posts
Friday, October 7, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Adventures in Off-Roading (and not by me)
Today I my guest blogger is another of my favorite ladies, Sara from Life's Recipe. Sara is one of the few bloggers I follow that is NOT a mommy blogger, and I just love her to bits and bits. She cracks me up all the time, either because of her crazy horror-movie-making neighbors, her spider battles, or just her. So give her some love over here and then go visit her over there!
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So, here's the thing... I'm guest posting over here at Lisa's blog, which I am super excited about, because I heart her. And so I am very happy to pinch- write, while her and her husband are at some kind of Jeep Jam thing-y.
I think it's only fitting to tell Y'all about the first time that I went off- roading in my friend's Jeep.
It did not end well.
First, let me preface this story by letting you know that I?
Am an “inside” girl.
A Girl's Girl.
Seriously Y'all.
Some may even use “prissy” to describe me.
I'm fine with that.
But once upon a time, there was a boy (isn't there always?), and he wasn't an indoor kind of guy.
Since I was desperate to impress, for YEARS, I faked a love for all things non- girly.
UGH.
This boy had a Jeep, and it was all lifted and had big tires and other crazy- ass things that you don't need in order to drive back and forth to the mall.
Just saying.
One night, after grocery shopping (we were roommates, because I like a side of complications with my crushes), he decided we were going to go off- roading. So we dropped the food and his girlfriend (yup) off at the apartment (to be fair, she was invited, and she decided to stay home, but being the desperate sort that I was, I of course decided to go. Everyone knows a good love story starts in the woods...) and drove over to some local (no trespassing) trails.
I should mention here that it was already like 10 pm, and raining. And it was February.
So we're are driving around on these trails, and it's all bumpy and annoying and I want to be anywhere (with him) but in the freaking woods. At night. In the rain. In February.
Did I mention that it was raining?
Any-who, about two miles in or so, he decides to turn around and of course, the Jeep gets stuck. I (sensibly) stay in the car while he checks out the situation. It was during this exploration that he discovered that the tire was flat.
Awesome.
So at this point (because sadly, I am old enough that this was during a time that ALL people did not have cell phones), we were forced to walk out of the woods.
Two miles. In the dark. In the rain. In February.
The highlight of this was when I almost fell, and then he decided to hold my hand.
Pathetic.
We finally make it to the main road, and then walked another half mile or so to his friend's apartment.
His friend, who would not let us in because of the head- to- toe mud, called our other friend who also had a big giant off- roading truck. He thankfully came to our rescue, and while he couldn't get the Jeep out, he did at least give us a ride home.
Eventually, a few days later, the Jeep was rescued. Sadly, I would suffer through more off- roading experiences, including driving straight up and down boulders (during which I seriously thought I was going to DIE).
Ah, the things we do for young, stupid, unrequited love.
Thank goodness I got over him. He married someone else, and I can just stay in and enjoy a book....
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So, here's the thing... I'm guest posting over here at Lisa's blog, which I am super excited about, because I heart her. And so I am very happy to pinch- write, while her and her husband are at some kind of Jeep Jam thing-y.
I think it's only fitting to tell Y'all about the first time that I went off- roading in my friend's Jeep.
It did not end well.
First, let me preface this story by letting you know that I?
Am an “inside” girl.
A Girl's Girl.
Seriously Y'all.
Some may even use “prissy” to describe me.
I'm fine with that.
But once upon a time, there was a boy (isn't there always?), and he wasn't an indoor kind of guy.
Since I was desperate to impress, for YEARS, I faked a love for all things non- girly.
UGH.
This boy had a Jeep, and it was all lifted and had big tires and other crazy- ass things that you don't need in order to drive back and forth to the mall.
Just saying.
One night, after grocery shopping (we were roommates, because I like a side of complications with my crushes), he decided we were going to go off- roading. So we dropped the food and his girlfriend (yup) off at the apartment (to be fair, she was invited, and she decided to stay home, but being the desperate sort that I was, I of course decided to go. Everyone knows a good love story starts in the woods...) and drove over to some local (no trespassing) trails.
I should mention here that it was already like 10 pm, and raining. And it was February.
So we're are driving around on these trails, and it's all bumpy and annoying and I want to be anywhere (with him) but in the freaking woods. At night. In the rain. In February.
Did I mention that it was raining?
Any-who, about two miles in or so, he decides to turn around and of course, the Jeep gets stuck. I (sensibly) stay in the car while he checks out the situation. It was during this exploration that he discovered that the tire was flat.
Awesome.
So at this point (because sadly, I am old enough that this was during a time that ALL people did not have cell phones), we were forced to walk out of the woods.
Two miles. In the dark. In the rain. In February.
The highlight of this was when I almost fell, and then he decided to hold my hand.
Pathetic.
We finally make it to the main road, and then walked another half mile or so to his friend's apartment.
His friend, who would not let us in because of the head- to- toe mud, called our other friend who also had a big giant off- roading truck. He thankfully came to our rescue, and while he couldn't get the Jeep out, he did at least give us a ride home.
Eventually, a few days later, the Jeep was rescued. Sadly, I would suffer through more off- roading experiences, including driving straight up and down boulders (during which I seriously thought I was going to DIE).
Ah, the things we do for young, stupid, unrequited love.
Thank goodness I got over him. He married someone else, and I can just stay in and enjoy a book....
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The Positives
Today I am featuring the woman who is the reason behind this blog. My dear friend, Christina @ Finally Mom is the reason I have this blog. She encouraged me to start it up and without her, I might never have done it. Christina talks about her love, her happiness, Lovie. She shares her feelings about being a mom in such a way it makes us all understand how blessed we are to be a mom. She's honest, emotional, funny, and most of all -- ecstatic to finally be a mom.
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It's so easy to get lost in the negatives in our lives. And we all have them... but we also have the positives. It’s taken me a really long time (I’m old) to truly comprehend that the negative shit takes up too much energy, and even though I do get that now today finally, it’s still hard sometimes not to dwell a bit. So I get it when people dwell, too. Even so, I’m almost always counting my blessings and looking at the positives.
Like the positives to being anold as dirt older (39) mom:
* I have much more patience than I did 10 years ago. I've had years and years of experience with nephews and nieces (even lived with and helped raise one nephew for almost 5 years) and I know my patience is much greater…expansive… encompassing (not sure what word to use here, heh) than it was 10-15 years ago.
* I feel much more laid back than I did 10 years ago as a human being and as a mother. I am who I am and I love who I am. I have nothing to prove to anyone and my only concern is my daughter’s health and happiness.
* I don’t have to worry about family or friends questioning my parenting. I’m old. I’m gray. People leave me alone. This isn’t always good though, I admit. Like when Lovie was first born… boy would it have been nice for some family to stop over and hold my sweet angel while I napped or took a shower or, I dunno, ate an entire meal in one sitting.
Or the positives to being a full-time working-out-of-the-house mom:
* I absolutely cherish every stinkin' moment I have with my Lovie (21 months). I'm not at all saying that stay at home moms or part time working moms or whatever don't feel the same but for me, personally, I know that I cherish every moment with Lovie and I really have a feeling I'd need a break more often if I were with her 24/7. I just don’t ever grow tired of this little chica!
* I don't feel the need to friend other moms (exclusively) or go on play dates. (This may also contribute to being an older mom.) When Lovie and I are together after work/school and on weekends, I adore playing with her- getting down on the floor to her level and playing- cars, legos, reading books...coddling her stuffies or baby doll...watching Team Umizoomi arm in arm. When Lovie and I are together, she gets all my attention, and only she gets it.
* I get to do some shopping during my lunch break at work by myself. It may only be for 45 minutes or so, but I don't need to ask the hubs to go, I don't need to drag along the kiddo (though on weekends we all go out together at times- to the store, for a meal, etc).
* I'm able to surf the net, blog, get some amazing online deals while working during the week. That means evenings and weekends are pretty much computer free... allowing even more one on one time with my Lovie.
And some positives to being mom to one and done:
* It’s just me and Lovie (and her dad). There’s no distraction of another child (or two or three). I’m her playmate and she’s mine. And it’s awesome and oh so much fun.
*More affordable. Having kids isn’t cheap. Regardless what you do, it’s not cheap.
*Only have one to worry about. Less gray hair, if that’s even possible.
*********************************************************************************
It's so easy to get lost in the negatives in our lives. And we all have them... but we also have the positives. It’s taken me a really long time (I’m old) to truly comprehend that the negative shit takes up too much energy, and even though I do get that now today finally, it’s still hard sometimes not to dwell a bit. So I get it when people dwell, too. Even so, I’m almost always counting my blessings and looking at the positives.
Like the positives to being an
* I have much more patience than I did 10 years ago. I've had years and years of experience with nephews and nieces (even lived with and helped raise one nephew for almost 5 years) and I know my patience is much greater…expansive… encompassing (not sure what word to use here, heh) than it was 10-15 years ago.
* I feel much more laid back than I did 10 years ago as a human being and as a mother. I am who I am and I love who I am. I have nothing to prove to anyone and my only concern is my daughter’s health and happiness.
* I don’t have to worry about family or friends questioning my parenting. I’m old. I’m gray. People leave me alone. This isn’t always good though, I admit. Like when Lovie was first born… boy would it have been nice for some family to stop over and hold my sweet angel while I napped or took a shower or, I dunno, ate an entire meal in one sitting.
Or the positives to being a full-time working-out-of-the-house mom:
* I absolutely cherish every stinkin' moment I have with my Lovie (21 months). I'm not at all saying that stay at home moms or part time working moms or whatever don't feel the same but for me, personally, I know that I cherish every moment with Lovie and I really have a feeling I'd need a break more often if I were with her 24/7. I just don’t ever grow tired of this little chica!
* I don't feel the need to friend other moms (exclusively) or go on play dates. (This may also contribute to being an older mom.) When Lovie and I are together after work/school and on weekends, I adore playing with her- getting down on the floor to her level and playing- cars, legos, reading books...coddling her stuffies or baby doll...watching Team Umizoomi arm in arm. When Lovie and I are together, she gets all my attention, and only she gets it.
* I get to do some shopping during my lunch break at work by myself. It may only be for 45 minutes or so, but I don't need to ask the hubs to go, I don't need to drag along the kiddo (though on weekends we all go out together at times- to the store, for a meal, etc).
* I'm able to surf the net, blog, get some amazing online deals while working during the week. That means evenings and weekends are pretty much computer free... allowing even more one on one time with my Lovie.
And some positives to being mom to one and done:
* It’s just me and Lovie (and her dad). There’s no distraction of another child (or two or three). I’m her playmate and she’s mine. And it’s awesome and oh so much fun.
*More affordable. Having kids isn’t cheap. Regardless what you do, it’s not cheap.
*Only have one to worry about. Less gray hair, if that’s even possible.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Family...the other f-word
Today I have one of my favorite bloggy friends, Rebecca posting. I am not sure how I came across her blog, but I LOVE it and her. I love her posts of conversations with her adorable twins (the Crazies) and just love the way she writes. She is definitely one of my BBFs (best bloggy friends). So give her some love HERE (since this post is not to be seen by the OTHER F-word) and then go visit her blog and read the rest of her awesomesauce.
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Family…the other f-word
Let’s face it…family is a necessary evil.
We all have one.
We all love them.
At the same time, we can’t stand them.
They’re demanding.
But they just want to spend time with us.
They’re bossy.
But they just know what’s best for us.
They’re invasive.
But they do it in a loving way.
They try to tell us what to do.
But only because they think they know us better than we know ourselves.
They really don’t, you know…
All they know is what they want you to do.
I’ll tell you one thing (and I can only say this because I’m over here and not on my own blog…I made the colossal mistake of sharing my blog with my family and my in-laws…duh)…if I had to do it over again, I wouldn’t have anyone but my mother at the hospital the day the twins (affectionately dubbed The Crazies) were born.
That event…that joyous event…caused more strife in my family than any other event in the history of mankind (or that’s how I see it).
Ridiculous.
So, what if I had it to do over again?
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t have “friended” any of my in-laws on Facebook. Not a single one. Even the ones that were cool at first have turned into class A assholes.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t spend one second trying to explain something I’d written on my blog that sent my mother into a worried frenzy that I was going to give the Crazies up for adoption or something ridiculous. It’s a total waste of time.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t have even tried breastfeeding.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t spend so much time trying to get The Crazies to remember members of my family that don’t take the time or make the effort to see them. Why am I bothering? So my soul will go to Heaven? Again, colossal waste of time.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t be so forgiving.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t try to change things…I would just let them sit in their vat of “sameness” and wallow in it.
Although…
If I didn’t share my blog, how would I be able to pretend that I don’t know they still read it? They never mention it outright. They never comment. They just pretend that it doesn’t exist. They don’t know anything about Google Analytics and the fact that I can tell how many times they visit and revisit (apparently I’m riveting) my blog.
* By “they/them,” I mean the in-laws.
If they weren’t at the hospital, what would we possibly have to talk about now? The actual birth of The Crazies? The fact that I had some man’s hands in my abdominal cavity? Nah! It’s much more fun to dissect the breakdown of our family over cocktails.
If I hadn’t “friended” them on Facebook, how would I be able to share in the continuing drama that unfolds on a public forum? We’ve all seen that, right? It’s like watching a train wreck…except you have to sit next to the victims at Thanksgiving.
If I didn’t have to explain my blog to my mother, we may not have some of the deeper conversations that we’ve had over the past three years. In my explanations of my own parenting, not only has she gotten to know me more as a woman, but also I’ve gotten to realize how much I need her as my mother…and my friend.
If I hadn’t tried breastfeeding, I would have questioned myself forever. It didn’t work, but I tried like crazy for 3 months. Then I found that lovely powder that turns into liquid gold…formula.
If I don’t spend time trying to get The Crazies to remember family members that don’t give them the same respect, I wouldn’t feel so satisfied when I sit there innocently during a visit where my children won’t go to their grandfather. They’re afraid of someone they don’t know…imagine that. But hey, I did my best.
If I wasn’t so forgiving, I might not sleep at night.
If I didn’t attempt change, Husband may be just like his family. Thankfully, he goes for the change sometimes and we have a great life and have created some pretty awesome family traditions…not full family…our family.
So, there you have it. The good, bad, and ugly of my family (the other f-word) on a forum that they can never find…that’s right…I’m naïve enough to believe they can never find it and if any of you visit my blog, you are sworn to secrecy that I’ve even written these words over here.
God, this is freeing! Maybe I should guest post more often! Come over and visit us at www.thejoyofivf.blogspot.com. We’ll be waiting!
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Family…the other f-word
Let’s face it…family is a necessary evil.
We all have one.
We all love them.
At the same time, we can’t stand them.
They’re demanding.
But they just want to spend time with us.
They’re bossy.
But they just know what’s best for us.
They’re invasive.
But they do it in a loving way.
They try to tell us what to do.
But only because they think they know us better than we know ourselves.
They really don’t, you know…
All they know is what they want you to do.
I’ll tell you one thing (and I can only say this because I’m over here and not on my own blog…I made the colossal mistake of sharing my blog with my family and my in-laws…duh)…if I had to do it over again, I wouldn’t have anyone but my mother at the hospital the day the twins (affectionately dubbed The Crazies) were born.
That event…that joyous event…caused more strife in my family than any other event in the history of mankind (or that’s how I see it).
Ridiculous.
So, what if I had it to do over again?
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t have “friended” any of my in-laws on Facebook. Not a single one. Even the ones that were cool at first have turned into class A assholes.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t spend one second trying to explain something I’d written on my blog that sent my mother into a worried frenzy that I was going to give the Crazies up for adoption or something ridiculous. It’s a total waste of time.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t have even tried breastfeeding.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t spend so much time trying to get The Crazies to remember members of my family that don’t take the time or make the effort to see them. Why am I bothering? So my soul will go to Heaven? Again, colossal waste of time.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t be so forgiving.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t try to change things…I would just let them sit in their vat of “sameness” and wallow in it.
Although…
If I didn’t share my blog, how would I be able to pretend that I don’t know they still read it? They never mention it outright. They never comment. They just pretend that it doesn’t exist. They don’t know anything about Google Analytics and the fact that I can tell how many times they visit and revisit (apparently I’m riveting) my blog.
* By “they/them,” I mean the in-laws.
If they weren’t at the hospital, what would we possibly have to talk about now? The actual birth of The Crazies? The fact that I had some man’s hands in my abdominal cavity? Nah! It’s much more fun to dissect the breakdown of our family over cocktails.
If I hadn’t “friended” them on Facebook, how would I be able to share in the continuing drama that unfolds on a public forum? We’ve all seen that, right? It’s like watching a train wreck…except you have to sit next to the victims at Thanksgiving.
If I didn’t have to explain my blog to my mother, we may not have some of the deeper conversations that we’ve had over the past three years. In my explanations of my own parenting, not only has she gotten to know me more as a woman, but also I’ve gotten to realize how much I need her as my mother…and my friend.
If I hadn’t tried breastfeeding, I would have questioned myself forever. It didn’t work, but I tried like crazy for 3 months. Then I found that lovely powder that turns into liquid gold…formula.
If I don’t spend time trying to get The Crazies to remember family members that don’t give them the same respect, I wouldn’t feel so satisfied when I sit there innocently during a visit where my children won’t go to their grandfather. They’re afraid of someone they don’t know…imagine that. But hey, I did my best.
If I wasn’t so forgiving, I might not sleep at night.
If I didn’t attempt change, Husband may be just like his family. Thankfully, he goes for the change sometimes and we have a great life and have created some pretty awesome family traditions…not full family…our family.
So, there you have it. The good, bad, and ugly of my family (the other f-word) on a forum that they can never find…that’s right…I’m naïve enough to believe they can never find it and if any of you visit my blog, you are sworn to secrecy that I’ve even written these words over here.
God, this is freeing! Maybe I should guest post more often! Come over and visit us at www.thejoyofivf.blogspot.com. We’ll be waiting!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Control
Today I am featuring my first guest blogger EVER. Monica from Peeper Summarized is visiting today. She has an adorable little girl, Ada, and struggled getting pregnant. I love reading about her days with Ada, and just seeing through her words how loved and absolutely adored Ada is. We both have experienced motherhood without the help of our mothers, which is what brought us together.
So read here, and then venture on over to read more of the tales of Miss Ada and Peeper.
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I love Lisa’s blog and am so excited to be here as her guest!
A couple of weeks ago I discovered a blog written by a beautiful young woman who is now about midway through her first pregnancy. She is a self-proclaimed perfectionist who knew exactly how she wanted the process of getting pregnant to go and has everything planned out. Lucky for her, it's all working out so far. A couple of times as I was reading I caught myself saying, "Sheesh" and shaking my head from side to side. Not because I'm judging this girl, mind you. Rather, I was exactly like her! That is, until my journey to motherhood taught me a few valuable lessons.
When Tim and I decided to start a family I figured it was a done deal. We're young enough, healthy, smart, prepared, capable people. Then it took us a year and a half and a little help to get knocked up.
OK, lost control of the situation for a minute there but we're back on track now.
Early in pregnancy I was militant with myself to avoid anything that might be even a bit harmful to the baby inside me. So I was shocked when I lay on the table at our 20-week ultrasound watching the ultrasound tech furrow her brow while she scanned the brain. I turned to look at Tim whose face was solemn and concerned because he knew what was going on. She couldn't find a major marker for proper brain development. We waited for the longest, most anguishing 2 weeks of my life to see if she was OK (she is).
We could do nothing but wait - we had no control.
A few months later my mother was diagnosed with cancer that would ultimately take her life in less than 4 months. (My experience with my mothers illness and death is how I found Lisa) From across the country and 8 months pregnant or with a newborn baby I received panicked, dooms-day texts and emails.
From where I sat, desperately trying to make breastfeeding work (it never did), I had no control over the situation.
Now that we are well into toddler hood many days come and go when I feel like I have no control over anything! But that's OK. See, these days my definition of control looks a lot different than it did 3 years ago. I've learned that I can approach something as smartly as possible and there will always be some elements that I can't control. I focus on what I know is under my control and leave the rest to do as it will do. It’s been one of the toughest lessons of my whole life!
More importantly is the lesson it taught me about raising my daughter without controlling her. I don't mean just controlling her actions. Right now I kind of have to - it's all about keeping her from killing herself. She is completely kamikaze - just totally unafraid! An embarrassing percentage of our daily routine is spent cajoling, distracting and, in an emergency, flat out lying cause I know she'll forget later ("Let's go to Elmo's house!").
I'm referring to the stuff that will emerge with greater importance especially as she grows older. Things like respecting her. Things like recognizing that even before she is capable of caring for herself, she is very much a person with wants, feelings and needs. It's up to me, as her mother, to act as her ambassador to the world until she can speak for herself. As she grows I need to watch that I don't make decisions for her. Instead, to guide her to do whatever she is going to do responsibly and with empathy. It's my job to support her interests even if they are vastly different from my own. It's a big responsibility but I am happy to say that losing control has prepared me for it. A little bit. I hope.
I've come so far already. Today, I crouched between the shoe displays in the Allen Edmonds store in downtown San Francisco with my cupped hands catching Ada's goldfish vomit. As the fancy business men stared with their mouths gaping open I thought, "Yeah well, I can't control everything."
So read here, and then venture on over to read more of the tales of Miss Ada and Peeper.
*******************************************************************************
I love Lisa’s blog and am so excited to be here as her guest!
A couple of weeks ago I discovered a blog written by a beautiful young woman who is now about midway through her first pregnancy. She is a self-proclaimed perfectionist who knew exactly how she wanted the process of getting pregnant to go and has everything planned out. Lucky for her, it's all working out so far. A couple of times as I was reading I caught myself saying, "Sheesh" and shaking my head from side to side. Not because I'm judging this girl, mind you. Rather, I was exactly like her! That is, until my journey to motherhood taught me a few valuable lessons.
When Tim and I decided to start a family I figured it was a done deal. We're young enough, healthy, smart, prepared, capable people. Then it took us a year and a half and a little help to get knocked up.
OK, lost control of the situation for a minute there but we're back on track now.
Early in pregnancy I was militant with myself to avoid anything that might be even a bit harmful to the baby inside me. So I was shocked when I lay on the table at our 20-week ultrasound watching the ultrasound tech furrow her brow while she scanned the brain. I turned to look at Tim whose face was solemn and concerned because he knew what was going on. She couldn't find a major marker for proper brain development. We waited for the longest, most anguishing 2 weeks of my life to see if she was OK (she is).
We could do nothing but wait - we had no control.
A few months later my mother was diagnosed with cancer that would ultimately take her life in less than 4 months. (My experience with my mothers illness and death is how I found Lisa) From across the country and 8 months pregnant or with a newborn baby I received panicked, dooms-day texts and emails.
From where I sat, desperately trying to make breastfeeding work (it never did), I had no control over the situation.
Now that we are well into toddler hood many days come and go when I feel like I have no control over anything! But that's OK. See, these days my definition of control looks a lot different than it did 3 years ago. I've learned that I can approach something as smartly as possible and there will always be some elements that I can't control. I focus on what I know is under my control and leave the rest to do as it will do. It’s been one of the toughest lessons of my whole life!
More importantly is the lesson it taught me about raising my daughter without controlling her. I don't mean just controlling her actions. Right now I kind of have to - it's all about keeping her from killing herself. She is completely kamikaze - just totally unafraid! An embarrassing percentage of our daily routine is spent cajoling, distracting and, in an emergency, flat out lying cause I know she'll forget later ("Let's go to Elmo's house!").
I'm referring to the stuff that will emerge with greater importance especially as she grows older. Things like respecting her. Things like recognizing that even before she is capable of caring for herself, she is very much a person with wants, feelings and needs. It's up to me, as her mother, to act as her ambassador to the world until she can speak for herself. As she grows I need to watch that I don't make decisions for her. Instead, to guide her to do whatever she is going to do responsibly and with empathy. It's my job to support her interests even if they are vastly different from my own. It's a big responsibility but I am happy to say that losing control has prepared me for it. A little bit. I hope.
I've come so far already. Today, I crouched between the shoe displays in the Allen Edmonds store in downtown San Francisco with my cupped hands catching Ada's goldfish vomit. As the fancy business men stared with their mouths gaping open I thought, "Yeah well, I can't control everything."
Saturday, August 20, 2011
What do you want me to write about? Yes YOU.
I'm doing my very first ever guest post in a couple weeks, and I'm asking you, my faitful followers, what you want me to write about. I'm pretty much open to just about anything but I want to make sure I do my fellow blogger justice and that I am entertaining or meaningful or something.
So...fire away...:)
So...fire away...:)
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