Don't You Cry Tonight

Tuesday night we went to a concert.  My MIL watched the kids.

When I gave PJ a hug and kiss good bye and went to leave.

He burst into tears.  Screaming.  Jumping at me, reaching up, begging for me to pick him up.

I did.  I put him back down.

Continued.

It BROKE MY HEART.

He did it again on Wednesday morning when I dropped him off at the sitter.

I could hear him screaming Mama as I walked to the car.

I almost burst into tears.

Meanwhile, my pretty little girl beamed at me and smiled even bigger when I kissed her good bye.

PJ doesn't do this often.  And I know Maggie will eventually do it sometimes to.

But when he does, I want to not go wherever I'm going and stay home and hug him.  I want to play with him or do whatever it is he wants me to do right then.

As sad as it makes me, it also makes me happy in a weird way. 

Because I'm his mama.  He wants me.  No one else will do.  There's no way to describe the feeling that gives you.

Our babies grow up so fast.  PJ keeps saying more and more words.  Maggie is standing, trying to cruise.  PJ kisses my boo-boos like I kiss his, and sometimes points to ones that are old so I can kiss them again.  Maggie's figured out how to use the couch, the tv stand, the toys, anything to stand up.  She knows to reach for us.  She beams proudly when we enter the room, and gets sad if she's left alone for a second.

Someday, PJ won't care that I'm leaving.  He mostly doesn't care now, but always hugs and kisses me good bye.  One day, he won't want to do that.

And it will break my heart.