Sometimes, I suck.

I am many things.  I am a woman. I am a wife.  I am a mother. I am a friend, a sister-in-law, a daugther-in-law, a daughter, a cousin.

Sometimes, I suck at one of these.  Sometimes all of them.

I have the moments when all I want is 20 minutes to myself  and I can't have them.

I have the days where I snap at my husband, getting irrationally annoyed with him. 

I have the days where I just don't want to do anything -- no cleaning, no cooking, no walking up stairs.  I just want to sit on my ass.

I have the days where I yell at my kids when I really shouldn't.  When I lose my temper or patience too quickly.   When I don't listen to their little voices, where I make them cry.

There are so many things I do day in, day out.  Things I don't even think about, and if you asked me to list the things I do on a daily basis, I'd be hard pressed to tell you half of them, they are just so subconscious.

I try to be the best wife I can be.  The best mom I can be.  Sometimes, most of the time, I succeed.

Other times I fail.

I never want to be the cause of my husband's pain or happiness.

I never want to be the cause of my children's tears. 

There are so many things I can't control in this world that will burden them with pain and sadness. I can control that I am not one of those things.

Because even when I lose my temper or my patience, even when I am not the mother I want to be, those little arms still hug me.  Those little voices still tell me they love me.

And my husband stands by me.

So sometimes I suck.  But I'm trying not to.

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