hello, old friends, if you're still here.

It's been awhile.

I haven't felt like writing much.  I've been dealing with my mom's death and dealing with issues in my marriage.

I'm hoping to make a comeback.

PJ and Maggie are wonderful and amazing.

Maggie says more words everyday. Her big thing now is "my turn" and "I help."

PJ loves to yell "NEVER!" when we ask him to do something (see Lightning McQueen, Cars 2, when (SPOILER ALERT) Mater is trying to get away from him because he has the bomb on him).

They are both very much aware of my sadness.

If I cry for any reason, PJ will come up to me, take my head in his hands and say,

"You sad mommy?"

I usually nod.

"You miss Grandma?" 

I nod again.

"No sad Mommy.  I miss Grandma too. She's in heaven."

The ache and hole in my heart gets bigger everyday that passes without my mom.  I didn't know we'd say goodbye so soon.  I think back to my bridal shower, my wedding, the birth of my son.  I would have laughed or hit you if you told me my mom wouldn't make it to his 3rd birthday.  To my 5th wedding annviersary.  To her 56th birthday.  To her 18th wedding anniversary.

The hole will never be filled. 

But I have two wonderful, amazing, sweet, unbelieveable children.  That remind me that my life is more than worth living.  That remind me that no matter what, there is always something for me to come home to, something for me to get up for, something for me to smile or laugh about.  They show me that you can find happiness in sadness, you can find love in anger.

I love you, PJ and Maggie.

And you Mommy.  I love you and I will never, ever, stop.